I Was a Male War Bride Page #6

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I told you it wasn't going

to be any different.

But I thought it'd be better than that.

Well, after all, you didn't

give me much of a chance.

- Oh, that wasn't fair, was it?

- What do you expect? Of course it wasn't.

- I really should give you another chance.

- Yes, you ought.

Well, all right.

Go ahead. Try again.

All right.

Here. Come here.

Well! That was a little better.

Certainly. You see? It could have been

even better if I'd had some cooperation.

If I'd had a French girl,

it would have been fine.

Wait. What did you mean

by that remark?

Well, you haven't been

giving me much help.

- Oh. And you think a French girl could do better?

- Yes. I do.

- Do you want to try it again?

- Do you want to try it again?

- Yes.

- Well, so do I.

Wait a minute. Lean back.

Are you comfortable?

- Yes.

- Good.

Major, we... we want to get married.

Well! When did you reach

that decision?

- This afternoon, about 2:30.

- In a haystack.

You see, Henri was

on the motorcycle, and I...

Catherine, I don't think the major

would be interested in all the details.

And you two didn't want

to go away together.

It would seem your mission

was very successful.

- Thank you, Major.

- My congratulations.

- You're the very first to know.

- I guessed as much.

Now, as to getting married,

there's one hitch.

- Itch?

- It's probably the haystack. Henri and I...

- I don't... I don't...

- I said "hitch. "

All marriages between American

military personnel and aliens...

- and you come under that heading, Captain...

- Ah.

Must be approved

by the commanding general.

- Now, there's a set procedure for that kind of thing.

- Yes, but...

- It's only red tape, Henri.

- Well, do you itch, Catherine?

The major said "hitch," Henri. She means

we've got to get a lot of things approved.

- Oh.

- Here are the forms requesting permission to marry.

Fill them out in quadruplicate...

and when you've completed them,

send them to Colonel Bliven's office.

- Yes, Major.

- And good luck.

- Good-bye, Captain.

- Yes.

- Is she always so confusing?

- No. But this is going to be.

- What's the matter?

- Look at all this stuff we've got to fill out.

- She said there was four of them.

- You weren't hearing so good. She said four of each.

- Let's go and get to work.

- Fine.

Wait a minute. Wait. Wait.

- Souvenir.

- You'll end up with a pocketful.

Well, this is impossible.

Don't give up now.

We're halfway through.

My uncle's politics, aunt's religion,

any warts, any...

By the way, my aunt's name is Fanny.

Would you put that down, please?

Any identifying scars

on my second cousin's clavicle?

We'll never get this done. And look at this

silly thing. "Name your father's gender. "

- No.

- Yeah. It says so. Look.

No. "Father's birthplace. "

Gender belongs to this question over here.

- I thought there was something wrong.

- What an idiot.

- Were you ever captured by Peruvian Indians?

- No. Why?

I understand they do a very good job

of shrinking heads.

Mmm. Come on.

Come on. Let's take time out.

Oh, there are a lot of things

I'd rather do than answer questions.

- This, for instance?

- Mm-hmm.

Maybe I'd better go back

and see another double feature.

Oh, no. Come on in.

We're still filling out forms.

If you find anyone who wants

to fill out forms with me, let me know.

- I'm gonna get some sleep.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- See you in the morning.

- We gotta get busy.

- Oh.

Why do we have

to go through all this?

It's the army's way of finding out

if you really want to get married.

- Well, I know a much better way.

- Henri.

Major Prendergast. Yes.

At ease, Gates.

That'll be all right. Well, Gates?

I'm sorry to bother you, Major, but we haven't

heard a word about our application.

- It's been over a week.

- Your papers must've bogged down somewhere.

Isn't there something you can do

to hurry them up?

He's getting awfully nervous,

and so am I.

- I'll see what I can do. I'll let you know.

- Thank you, Major.

- Oh, Gates.

- Yes, Major?

- He is worth waiting for, isn't he?

- Well, he is now.

I don't know what he'll be like

by the time I get him.

I can't understand an American

marrying a foreigner she hardly knows.

It's ridiculous and disgraceful.

- I just can't see why she wants to.

- You all better get glasses.

Why are you women such pushovers for

this parlez vous hand kissing stuff?

Hand kissing?

Why, he does more than that.

Why, Catherine told me

he was plumb crazy.

Always chasing her

and trying to beat her up.

Why, he left marks

all over her. I saw 'em.

- Leave marks on me any time. I'll bring the stick.

- Oh, it wasn't a stick.

- He kicked her right in the...

- What?

- Well, he did.

- Hi, Catherine.

- We were just talking about you, honey.

- I'll bet you were.

Oh.

Well, say something.

Did you see her?

- Don't lose your temper. The papers are stuck somewhere.

- Stuck, how?

Well, bogged down in channels,

lying on someone's desk.

- What for?

- Henri, please. I don't know.

Well, they let other people get married.

What have they got against you?

Against me? It's probably you

they're investigating.

- Nonsense. Why should they?

- Henri, please.

- There are other people in the room.

- Why should they investigate me?

Because the American army

is very careful. That's why.

American army had better be careful, or they're

not gonna have any American children soon.

- Will you kindly lower your voice?

- I'll do better than that.

I'll take it somewhere else

if it annoys you.

Do that, and while you're about it,

go bag your oars.

- "Bag your oars"? What's that, more army talk?

- Navy.

Oh, naval talk.

It sounds like it. Charming.

- You make me sick.

- Good.

Henri.

Excuse me.

Catherine, let me ask you something

like a brother.

- Do you really wanna marry that phony joker?

- Certainly not.

- You're kidding.

- I hope he chokes. Slowly, very slowly.

That's what I said all along. A girl like you...

you couldn't make a mistake like that.

- Thank heavens for army red tape.

- Oh, don't thank the army.

- You can thank me personally.

- You? Why?

I hid the papers. I knew it was

a cinch you'd change your mind.

- You hid the papers?

- That's right. I knew I was doing you a favor.

- You hid the papers.

- I put them in the advance file.

Don't mind going out on a limb

for a friend. It was taking a chance, sure...

Now as to your marriage, you, Catherine,

want me to marry you in my church.

- That's right.

- And you, Henri, always promised...

the pastor of your parish

that he'd do the job.

- Yes.

- I think you'd better have both marriages.

- I think he's right.

- Oh, yes, yes.

Just a moment.

There's more to it than that.

Under the German law, which is

recognized by the occupying army...

you have to go through a civil ceremony

before the church ceremony.

- Oh?

- So you have to be married first...

- by the brgermeister here in Heidelberg...

- Ah.

And then come to me,

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