Ice Breaker Page #2

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- It's like if you know, if you wanted

to talk to a girl and

you wanted to, you know,

talk with here without

actually having to talk to her,

you do the ice breaker and you

(car horn honks)

break the ice.

You're able to talk to her,

maybe take her on a date.

- Can you scoot over or something?

- I legitimately can't.

- Welp, here we are.

- Wow.

- Heaven on Earth, 12 Seasons.

- Very cool, how much?

- It's about five bucks.

- It's about 20 bucks.

Hey listen, we kick ass.

We're a squad, we're a team, okay?

We make money, I get a

split, I got 20%, it's cool.

- Yeah, 20.

- Twenty'll do.

- Well there you go.

- Want any change?

- Uh, nah.

Nah I'm good.

So, um, I was thinking that...

So I'll see you around?

- Maybe.

- You sure?

- No I'm good, don't worry about it.

- Alright.

Let's get outta here.

- Toodle-do, b*tch.

- Hi, how may I help you?

- Hi, I'm Kevin Cassidy.

My cousin said he would

schedule me an interview

- And who might your cousin be?

- Tyler Williams.

- Tyler no longer works here.

- Really, since when?

- This morning.

(record scratch)

- 12 Seasons, can I got

your continental breakfast?

Maybe a banana up your ass!?

- Interview? Yes?

No? Okay.

Well, um, you have a great day.

Are you sure?

I didn't even know him that well.

(knocks)

Tyler, come on.

Answer the door.

I rolled my socks for you man, I'm tired.

I had to go into a truck,

it's been really tiring.

I know stuff's rough.

Whoa, jeez.

Whoa, whoa.

- [Tyler] My sweet dear boy, Kevin.

I've escaped this

madhouse you call society.

I'm sick of all the posers

flaking their way through life.

India is calling my name.

The name of Tyler.

- Son of a...

Bulldog.

Hey petty, pedi-cab guy?

- Oh sh*t.

- What're you doing here?

Do you live here?

- Next door, unfortunately.

What're you doing here?

- I was supposed to live here.

Like right there.

- Do you know Tyler?

- Yeah, he's my cousin.

But, uh, apparently he moved to India.

- Yeah, he said something actually about

leaving his key.

- Howdy, neighbor.

Want to trade foot massages?

Hey there neighbor, I

found a wart on my sole.

Well hey there neighbor.

Hey there neighbor.

Hey there neighbor.

I love you so much.

You're my favorite neighbor.

- His cousin's stranded.

- That's what he did?

- Sorry about that.

That sucks.

You know, I actually

know a ton of cool places

you can stay that are not

right here next door to me.

- Could you maybe give me a ride?

Yeah, let's go.

- Sure.

I don't care.

I don't care about my wife.

- Oh, thank you.

- It's 30 bucks a night, can't beat that.

- I got 16.

- 16 total?

- Yeah.

- Okay, this whole me

carrying your bags thing?

Ends right now.

Thought I was getting a tip for this.

- Oh, uh...

Okay.

- Kevin, here's the 20

you gave me Daddy Warbags.

You can pay me back by coming to my show.

- Oh, thank you so much.

Great, when is it so I

can put it in my phone?

- It's 22nd, Friday.

- Okay yeah, I'll do that right now.

- Yeah, do whatever you want bud.

Don't forget.

They kick you out after seven days.

- Okay, well thank you.

- Yeah, you can thank me.

And I hope you do, big time.

- [Kevin] Yep.

- So where you from Kevin?

- Oh, I'm from Lubbock.

- Well Lubbock or leave it.

Arlgiht, you're all set, room three,

down the hall on the right.

- So where is it, sorry?

- It's across from the

space cowboy armadillo.

He's the only one who smokes inside,

don't get any ideas now.

- I'll try not to.

(acoustic guitar music)

Hey there.

- Hello.

- What're you reading there?

- Ginsberg.

- I didn't know you

guys had two paintings.

- Yeah dude, they all do.

- Okay boys.

- What're you homos doing

inside, it's a Friday night.

I mean, unless you are homos.

That's cool.

We're going drinking, if you're thirsty.

- Sorry, I just, I gotta work on this app.

- At night?

- You got any razors, Eric?

- Nah sorry Dave, I shaved before we came.

- No worries.

- How about you, Wowza?

- I have a poetry slam to attend.

- Alright.

- Quickest shave ever, you ready?

- Let's do this.

- Aroo, see you boys.

- Gosh, they're even more

brutish than I'd imagined.

- Who them?

- Yes them.

Modern day dinosaurs.

Pooping and eating without

any intelligent thought.

- So then why are you here?

- My father used to

hostel when he was young.

Thinks it's supposed to

build character or something.

Sure you don't wanna come?

- Oh, uh, sorry.

I just gotta work on this app.

- Suit yourself.

- Oh yes, I did it.

- Did what?

- Oh uh, nothing.

- You sell your app yet?

- Get your sh*t off my bed, man.

- Apparently there's a sick party

for you tonight, if you want to come.

- Oh, I'm way too busy or I would.

- Doing what?

Beating your Angry Dog score?

Dude, you need to relax.

- Oh, I don't have a glass.

- Yeah, strike one buddy.

Strike one.

- Oh yeah, that's mine.

- You guys just share out

of the same thing, okay.

- What'd you think man, ready

to have a good time, eh?

- You know you want to.

- Alright, it can't be that bad.

- That's what I like to see.

- Wow, that...

Looks like we're gonna go to a party.

Nope.

("We'll Get High" by Willy McGee)

- Here we go again, cigarettes and gin

- Only feels right 'cause

some might accept it tonight.

- Oh, ho.

- I know, that's stupid, but I wrote it

and I feel like it could be a hit.

- I love it, it's a hit.

- You think so?

My first hit single.

- This is a hit.

- That's a hit?

- Is it a spliff?

- Maybe.

You know a French guy left it on my table.

- I can't believe you just grabbed a guy

from the party and took

him up to your room.

- Yeah.

Grabbed the French one.

That's what happened

- When is it the right time to shake

someone's hand at a party?

- What're you talking about,

no one shakes hands at a party.

Wait, what?

Oh my God.

You think he's undercover?

- Either that or he's the

most awkward dude ever.

I kina wanna mess with him.

- Wait, wait guys, seriously

I don't know anyone here,

- Dude, dude!

- I'm freaking out.

- You need to relax.

- That's strike three, bro.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

I did not see you there.

- It's okay.

It's alright.

- Do you need a light?

- Oh, oh no.

I don't smoke.

- Oh, okay.

So who are you?

- Oh, I'm Kevin Cassidy.

That's my first and last name.

I'm here to sell my app, yeah.

- Oh, you came to a

party to sell your app.

- Oh, oh not in particular.

It's like, um, it's like

a phone that helps you

talk with strangers.

- That's a really bad idea.

It's a really f***ing bad idea.

- I thought it was...

- I mean, I'm sorry.

It's like making an app that has sex

with your girlfriend for you.

- I'd pay for that, yeah.

- I thought I was weird.

- What?

- Do you want to make

friends at this party?

- Well yeah.

- You think this is fedorable?

It's not.

- Hey, that was like 20 bucks.

- Listen, listen.

Dude, go get some beer

and talk to some girls.

- Talk to them about what?

- I don't know, isn't

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