Ice Breaker Page #3

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there an app for that?

- Oh God.

("We'll Get High" by Willie McGee)

- What the hell, man.

What do you think you're doing?

- Can I just pee in peace for one sec--

Hi, um.

I, got.

That this was the pee spot.

- Oh okay, then I'll just

go pee on your house later?

- That's not what I meant,

it's just that's where they--

- You know what, get outta here.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Ah, it was just number one.

That's all I did.

How do I get outta here?

- Hey man, I'm sorry.

- Okay, I guess I was...

- It was a joke.

- No it's cool, I was just

confused because you kicked

me out with your foot onto my

bottom, so that's why I was--

- (laughs) Your bottom.

- I just thought.

- You know what, I'm sorry.

I'm Lana.

- Kevin, Kevin Cassidy.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.

- You wanna go back to the party?

(electronic dance music)

- Why don't you get us some beers and try

not to get drugged by the time I get back.

- Hey guys, what's hopping?

- I like him.

- Oh, you're clever.

- Come here.

- Come here.

- Oh, oh okay. Alright.

- What's your name?

- Oh, it's Kevin Cassidy.

Do y'all know where to

find some beers or alcohol?

- Yeah!

Open your mouth.

- Close your eyes.

- Oh no, oh okay you know what?

I think I'll, I'll pass, I'll come back.

Oh don't worry, I'll be there.

Oh yeah.

- Come back.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't even see you there.

- Yeah, yeah actually.

Wow.

I don't mean to be rude,

but could I have two?

Thank you.

You know, it is just so

nice to finally be talking

with someone, ya know?

Those people in there are

just a bunch of horn dogs.

- It's a little queer

for my taste, ya know.

Just sissies taking shots, lotta mollie.

- Yeah.

- I'm more a man's man.

Let's go check my bike out.

- Oh well, my friend is over--

What?

I'm sorry.

Lana? Lana!

Lana!

Excuse me, excuse me.

Lana, Lana we need to go now.

We need to leave.

- Whoa, we just got here.

- You don't understand,

you don't understand.

- Where's that little sh*t at!?

- Right there.

- Oh, okay.

- Let's go, go, go, go.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It seriously looks like someone needs

an attitude adjustment.

- Alright, let's go check my bike.

- Yeah.

(balloon pops)

- Shh.

- What if, what if they have guns?

- Take your shoes off.

- Okay, okay.

Taking off my shoes,

I'm taking off my shoes

- Well don't just stare.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm not looking.

Oh my God!

(upbeat romantic music)

Oh wow.

You got it.

- I got it.

Want some?

- Oh, I don't smoke.

- Really? Why not?

- I have to get a job.

- Dude, my professors smoke weed.

- Alright.

(Kevin coughs)

Nope, that's you.

Oh God, I haven't smoked

since high school.

- Really?

I smoke like everyday now.

I miss smoking back then, though.

- Why?

- I don't know, it was

more ceremonial, I guess.

I'd get all my friends

together and we'd find

a secret spot, try to hide from my parents

so they wouldn't catch us stoned.

It's funny.

Can't even see my parents

without being high now.

- Having a little trouble there?

- You know, I feel like

if I do this art show

and nobody buys anything...

I'm gonna feel like a loser.

- Loser?

What do you even have to lose, hun?

- 50 bucks!

And my dignity.

- Your dignity?

Your dignity went out the

window a long time ago, hun.

Besides, what if people

see it and they think

it's like the best

thing they've ever seen.

- Or what if I stand there like a goober

at the mall selling handbags?

- When did you get so self-conscious?

Did that awkward boy rub

off on you all night?

- No.

- Why not?

(rock music)

(water splashes)

- So you've been waiting

tables for three years?

- So you've been a bar

back for three years?

- Is this scented?

- Listen, I am fashion.

Oh baby, what you gonna do

When your man gon' come through

Oh baby what you gonna say

When your man comes by

Ooo baby what you gonna do

When your man gon' come out today

Ooo baby what you tryin' get

'Bout what your man did

Ooo baby what you tryin' get

About what your man did

Ooo baby what you gonna do

When your man

Gonna get outta bed

- What's this?

- Oh, that's my resume.

- Thanks.

Do I know you from somewhere?

- I don't think so.

- Ah, whatever.

Okay, why do you wanna work here?

- Well I need a job.

I really, really need a job.

- God, I just thought you

had a love of mac and cheese.

- I thought this was a pizza place.

- Honey, all things cheese.

Have you ever worked in

a food trailer before?

- Yes, yes I have.

No, no I haven't.

- You're hired.

- What!?

- Yep.

- Wait...

Oh, wow.

- Wow.

- That is amazing.

You just don't know what I've been through

trying to get a job.

It's really hard to get one here.

- You have to have some

skills here, to work here.

- Oh, I'll do anything.

- Half a brain, maybe one ball.

- Remember the time we saw

George Bush at the party?

He was wasted, man.

Have you ever had sex with a kangaroo?

- Um...

Not yet.

What is that, where did you get that?

- I dunno, found it last

night on the street.

- Six pockets.

- Nice tits though, eh.

- I definitely got laid, I think?

- You didn't get laid, man.

- No, I definitely got laid, I think.

- That's not true.

- Like--

- What?

- Like I helped.

- This sheila I helped Friday night?

- Hey guys, guess who just got a new job?

- Oh that's sick, man.

- Yeah.

Wanna go like swimming or something?

- Oh, we're heading back to the island.

- What the hell am I supposed to do?

Like who am I supposed

to hang out with now?

- Really, man?

This is like the easiest

place in the world

to meet people, just go talk to someone.

- [Dude] I was delivering

this guy like a sack

of oranges right?

(Kevin laughs)

No seriously, this is a true story.

- Wow, dude nice throw.

That was good.

Yeah.

- That disk is warped,

anyways like I was saying,

I had the win, I had the win at the 2012

International Invitational but uh,

you know, I broke my back

while I was spelunking,

so my mom wouldn't let me go.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

- Oh no, that's cool bro.

I got lots of stuff going on.

I got my delivery service,

I've got these lessons,

these pay pretty well.

I got lots of stuff going on.

I got lots of things.

- What do you deliver?

- What was that?

- Oh, yeah.

What do you deliver?

- Oh you know, just like anything.

Anything you need, like we can go get it.

- Literally anything?

- Yeah, yeah totally bro.

Like what do you want, what do you need?

- I need to poop.

- Oh, you got a case of the gurglies bro?

I got something that'll cure it, dude.

It's in my back pocket, right here.

- Oh no, uh.

- Oh really?

Okay, well you know the

porta potties are back

in the very front, but

there's a better spot.

If you take the trail, alright?

Back over past hole five, and you get into

the thicket behind the

trees, you can right there

and there's plenty of nice

big leaves for you to use.

- I don't need the imagery, I just to know

where it's gonna be.

- Yeah, but watch out

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