Ice Breaker Page #7

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- Yeah man, I'm done.

Going home.

- What you couldn't find

a couch to sleep on?

No one?

- No, I cannot.

- Wow, you know God invented

the world in seven days

and you couldn't make

one friend in a week.

- Thank you.

- I'm getting a bigger cut of this, Rocky.

- You really don't have to

worry, a lot of babes at bay.

- She bailed you out of jail!?

Oh my God, you blew it.

Okay, let's spitball some ideas here.

What do girls like?

Ryan Gosling, free

drinks, 80s dance parties.

- Wait, wait, what're we spitballing?

- Mimosas?

- Mimosas.

- Why are you spitballing ideas?

- Because you want to get her back, right?

- No, dude--

- You blew it.

- No, you don't understand.

This is a lose-lose situation.

She hates me, okay.

And I just gotta get outta here.

- Look, I know it's scary to put yourself

out there and be vulnerable, but like

if there's something you want,

you got to take risks.

Like there's a sacrifice you have to make

to find what you love.

Rocky, we've embarrassed ourselves.

- Absolutely.

- We embarrass ourselves everyday.

- Everyday.

- Every single day.

We're embarrassing ourselves right now,

as we speak.

- You wanna go to Lubbock?

- Okay, I'm not going on like a two-seater

Lubbock ride with Rocky.

I might.

(spiritual Indian music)

- Thank you for driving

me from the airport.

- Namaste, man.

- I just feel like the

universe is coming together,

we're getting back to Pangaea.

I really appreciate it.

I feel like the world has given its gift.

- Figured it's all karam.

You got a ride, and I

just got my girlfriend

back in New York after

she finagled a ticket

from some goober.

- Whoa, hold on.

- She's a spiritual goddess.

Makes me feel like a little child again.

She's like the mist from the alpine snow.

- Are you talking about Lampshade?

- You know Lampshade?

You met her.

- Yeah, I know Lampshade.

I'm the goober!

I bought the ticket.

- I'm sorry, look that stuff happens.

I was at this girl's house the other day,

she lives in a high-rise and I was about

to nut my load, and

that's probably bad karma,

but it's good karma for us.

I was just about to get

off when her boyfriend

smashes in and starts breaking everything

and the cops show up, I got

a warrant for my arrest.

I straight up based jumped out of there.

You just paid a little ticket price

and got to spend time with

a spiritual goddess, man.

Who's holy.

It's all good man.

I got blocked, okay?

Just like you.

- What goes around, comes around.

Namaste.

Shalom.

- Sure you got spiritual--

- I'm done.

Kevin?

- You're back.

- Are you leaving?

- I'm not, I've been waiting for you since

I got kicked out of the hostel, man.

- Why did you stay in a hostel for?

- 'Cause it's the only

place I could afford.

- Why didn't you just stay here?

You didn't see my note?

- What?

Yeah, I saw the note, but

the only thing it said

was that you left for India.

- No, like on the back of the note.

How did you not see that?

- Oh my God.

- So I've met the lead singer of this band

like 10 times, but he never remembers me.

I think he's always drunk

every time I meet him

and he hit on me once.

Gave me a free ride though,

that was pretty cool.

Okay, so which one are you gonna wear?

You gonna wear red with me?

We could both wear red.

- I went by his hotel and

all of his stuff was gone.

- Okay, so you like the purple one too?

That's what I heard, purple.

You gonna wear purple?

- Should I call him?

- Okay, so none of these, this.

Good, and no.

You're gonna stop worrying about it.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Should I call him?

- Let me see.

No, you should put that dress on

and come to this concert

and get drunk with me.

Get a little silly,

you gonna get a little silly?

- How silly? How drunk?

- How drunk?

Like this drunk.

Like this drunk.

- Like this drunk?

- Kinda like this drunk.

We're gonna have a good time.

People be like, "Y'all

having a good time?"

We'll be like, "We're having a good time."

We're having such a good time.

You're stupid, put the

dress on, put this on.

(bong water splashes)

(Tyler coughs)

- Dude, she bailed you out of jail!

- Yeah.

- Damn, that is rough.

(video game noises)

That reminds me

of something my dad said.

He said love is like a fart.

You try to force it and you're

just gonna sh*t yourself.

He's divorced now, anyway.

- Have you ever been in love?

- Yeah, one time.

- So what'd you do?

- I never told her.

- Why not?

- She never told me.

I mean I made the right

moves, look at me, dude.

- Oh...

- You wanna go slip and slide, man?

You wanna set sh*t on fire or...

You wanna have a noodle race?

(phone rings)

- [Phone] Kevin.

- Honey, men are pigs.

What you need is a good woman.

- Amen to that.

Nice.

(phone buzzes)

Kevin?

- Kate?

Hey, hey, where's Lana?

- We're at a concert.

Where are you?

- Wait, what concert are you at?

Kate?

Kate?

Dang it, Dadnobit, Lloyd

Doggit, son-of-a...

- Kevin?

Kevin?

- Dabnabbit, Doggotit,

biscuit eating bulldog!

Every freaking time.

You know it's never died,

but now it dies today!

- Hey, find your center man.

What's going on?

- My phone, it's freaking dead, okay?

- Just use mine.

- I can't, I don't know her phone number.

Wait, wait no.

She said she was at a concert somewhere.

- Alright, what concert?

- I dunno.

- Good luck man, there's like

40 concerts a night here.

- I gotta try, at least.

- Try what?

- I just don't know, okay?

- Just don't do what you're gonna do.

It's all about love, man.

Namaste!

("Jive Babe" by Mikhael Paskalev)

- So what did he say?

- Nothing really, he just asked

where you were and hung up.

- Well let me call him back.

- No, I tried Lana.

I think his phone's dead.

- Maybe he--

- No, no.

Lana, shh.

Forget about it, okay?

If he cared about you--

Gross Lana.

If he cared about you, he would be here.

- You know, he probably has a small dick.

- What?

You haven't seen it?

I bet he has a tiny penis.

- She blew him!

- It's like tootsie roll.

- He slept with another girl!

It's so, what's that about?

- He's a jerk.

- You know, you're probably right.

- I know, I know.

- I enjoy paying for art.

- Hey, hey.

$15.

- Sir, sir, okay.

Just let me explain.

- Wait, wait.

- Hey, Lana!

- Hey.

- She's right there!

- $15 to get in.

- Okay, okay. Fine.

Well you know what, I

don't have any money, okay?

But what I do have is a heart.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah.

You just made the biggest

mistake of your life, buddy.

- I doubt that.

(knuckles crack)

Get out!

- Let's just go dance.

- Yeah.

(crowd cheers)

- Oh my God!

What the--

Oh my God.

Get outta here.

It's a madman.

- I can't believe you did that.

- Lana, I don't know if you're there

or if you're in the bathroom or something,

but there's something I need to tell you

so please just listen to me.

- [Guy] Dork!

- Okay, you know what, I

can handle being a dork,

but what I can't handle is

never seeing Lana again,

so please just let me talk.

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