Idle Hands Page #2

I can't believe

you told me to smoke that sh*t!

Okay, Anton.

I have to leave now.

Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

It's the basement!

You can't get out that way!

Why are you doing this?

I don't know!

It's me, Pnub! Your buddy!

I know who you are.

I don't want to hurt you.

Then don't!

It's not me!

It's my hand!

It's like I have no control

over my hand!

I don't know how long

I can hold it. Run!

Get out of my way!

Just go!

It's going to be okay.

I won't tell anybody.

I swear.

Everything will be cool.

Everything will be...

...cool.

What have I done?

What have I done?

Get out of here, Bones!

Git!

Bones?

Here, kitty, kitty.

Aren't you a little old

for ding-dong ditch?

Sorry about your bush.

No problem.

What were you doing out there anyway?

Jesus, look at you!

I was looking for my cat.

We got in a fight.

You sure got your ass kicked.

I did okay.

So you ran and hid in my bush.

I shouldn't be here.

I'm not myself today.

I'm someone completely different.

You're so shy.

It's okay. I get it.

So let's skip this chickening-out,

sneaking-around stage.

No, you don't understand. I'm...

Do you want to come inside and talk?

You never gave me a chance to thank you.

That book is important to me.

So...

...nothing cooler than

a chick bass-guitar player.

Especially one that writes

her own lyrics.

You read them?

I couldn't help looking in the book.

They're amazing.

Look, I even got

my favourites memorized.

Devil girl with nothing to lose

She got wind in her hair

And gum on her shoes

I was 13 when I wrote that.

Yeah, well...

...they're amazing.

Thanks.

I should not be here, Molly.

Safer in here than on the streets.

There's a killer out there.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

I'm dangerous.

Oh, yeah?

How dangerous?

I'm not kidding.

I've done stuff, you know?

I'm impressed.

I never would've thought you'd have

the balls to just grab me like that.

Me either.

You're kinky.

That's me.

Move it, people! Let's go!

Some of us are

on serious missions here.

There's evil out there,

and I gotta kick its ass!

Sh*t, my parents are home.

We'll have to pick this up later.

My parents might take offense to some

bloody boy banging their daughter.

Tomorrow.

- You want to see me?

- Come by at 7.

The curfew's annihilated our options,

but we can go to the dance.

I thought you said

the streets weren't safe.

I'll protect you.

Dearly beloved...

...we're gathered here today

because you're all dead.

And it's my fault.

Mom, Dad...

...what can I say? I mean...

...you brought me into this world...

...you put a roof over my head,

you fed me until I killed you.

If you look at it that way, I haven't

been a good son, but I'm really...

...really, really sorry.

And wherever you are...

...I just want you to forgive me...

...because I'm gonna try to change.

Mick...

...Pnub, guys...

You guys were the greatest.

I'm never going to forget...

...the way we sat around all day,

watched TV and got really stoned.

And all those other times

where we just...

I guess that's all we did.

Amen.

Over here.

Anton, help me.

Come on, man.

I can't breathe down here.

Anton, can you hear me?

Yeah, man, Mick.

Now get me out of here.

You're dead.

No, I'm not.

You conked my head pretty good.

I must've been unconscious.

- You think?

- I know, f***er. Now dig me up!

Stay where you are, Mick!

Please don't kill me.

Watch it, man!

What did I take last night?

That dream was intense.

Intense.

- Turn it up. Check it out.

- Yeah, I'm watching.

Did you see?

- Guys!

- That's funny.

Thank God you're alive, because

I had this dream that I killed...

Sh*t!

Sorry about that thing

with the shovel.

- You're dead.

- Easy, tiger.

Undead, actually.

You said you were unconscious.

You lied.

You killed me, all right?

Try and keep this thing in perspective.

I was bitter about the

getting-killed-by-my-best-friend thing.

But I got over it.

So why you here?

We need a place to kick it.

Don't be selfish.

No one else's parents are dead.

No, not why are you "here" here.

I mean...

...are you flesh-eating zombies

back from hell to exact revenge?

Is that it?

Why would we go to hell?

We're not bad.

It's not like we're good,

but at least we don't kill people!

I didn't kill anybody on purpose.

Yeah, well, we weren't in hell.

There was this bright light

at the end of a long tunnel.

There were all these chicks' voices.

And that music.

Music?

Kind of uncool music, like Enya.

And these chicks were saying...

..." Come to us.

Come towards the light."

So what happened?

We figured, f*** it.

I mean, it was really far.

I've got to ask.

What's with the hand?

It doesn't obey me at all.

The only thing I can come up with is,

it's possessed.

Do you guys know anything

about Satan or evil or...?

No.

But we know somebody who does.

Did you know them well?

Not really.

You?

Yeah, they were great.

I just feel really bad, you know,

because I was always so mean to them.

Like this one time, they asked me

to go on a double-date...

...and I thought they were 'tards,

because there's only one of me.

So I told them to go blow each other.

Did they?

The way you treated them...

...the guilt must be making you feel

like sh*t inside.

Randy!

You're still in high school?

Yeah, me, I got out

about three years ago.

I need your help.

What are you playing,

a little two-ball?

I gotta talk to you.

There's serious stuff going on.

Anton, can't you see I'm getting

a little action over here?

Oh, man. I can't believe

you cock-blocked me like that.

I thought we were buds.

Randy, wait!

I didn't mean to mess you up.

Listen.

I need your help.

Piss off!

Fresh tomatoes...

Hey! Who are you?

New. Drive-thru duty.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

- Break time.

- All right.

Give me the Big Five with

the Spicy Safari Fries...

...the African Apple Turnover...

...and the Raspberry Rainforest Shake.

Slap some extra mustard

on that Jungle Burger.

Tell me everything you know

about the devil.

Are you out of your f***ing mind?

You listen to satanic music.

You must've picked up something.

Look, it's just music.

Like Mozart and that other fag...

Keep it clean.

Who, Beethoven?

That's the guy. It's just like

their music, only louder.

You gotta know.

I'm desperate.

Oh, man!

Here!

A**hole!

It's my hand. It's like it's got

a mind of its own.

It makes me do things

I don't want it to do.

I used to be like that.

Get into all kinds of stupid sh*t.

Look, the trick is...

...to keep yourself busy.

That's why I'm always

working on the Ford.

Keeps me out of trouble.

Idle hands are the devil's playground.

Keep my hands busy.

Yeah, that actually makes sense.

Thanks.

You're the coolest.

So do you, like, knit now?

Don't take this the wrong way,

but you look queer doing that.

Randy broke it down for me.

"Idle hands are the devil's playpen."

So I'm thinking...

...keep my hands occupied, right?

Man, that saying's not literal.

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