Idle Hands Page #3

It's more like...

...you know...

Metaphorical?

Right.

This is the noise complaint.

Ain't this the Tobias residence?

Holy sh*t! It's Anton.

He's the killer!

- I better call for backup.

- Are you crazy?

And let the feds get the credit?

If we collar him, we'll be heroes.

We can't go in without a warrant.

Piss on the Bill of Rights!

We got just cause.

Freeze!

Yeah, freeze!

Guys...

...what do I do?

I think you...

I was gonna say to do

what they tell you...

...but now I changed my mind.

You should just kill them.

- They're alive!

- They are not!

You shot one in the head!

They're morgue-meat.

Look, guys. I don't want

to kill anybody else.

You don't want to go to jail, though.

Jail. That's it!

They'll throw me in a rubber room.

I can't hurt anybody else.

Cuff me!

Okay. Just...

...drop the knitting needles.

That's not a good idea.

Why don't you just cuff me?

Drop the needles

and put your hands on your head!

I can't!

Put down the needles

and come quietly.

- Cuff me!

- Put the needles down now!

- Cuff me!

- Put them down!

- Put them down!

- Cuff me!

Go, go, Buffalo!

Stop!

I didn't do it. It was my hand.

It's like, the knitting

didn't help at all.

I told you that saying

was more, like, metaphorical.

I can't keep doing this!

I'm losing my mind.

Get your head.

No way.

It's the only thing I can think of.

Once that hand is gone,

how will you cut off the other one?

The left one's a keeper.

I mean, I guess it wasn't idle enough.

Are you sure?

I use it for a lot of things.

I light up, I change the remote...

...I relieve a little tension.

This is the answer. I know it.

Those things won't even cut my bagel.

Sh*t!

Grab the carver.

Look at me!

I'm Leatherface!

Thanks, Mick.

I'll just use this one.

I can't watch.

You missed.

Pnub...

...bite down.

Don't cut me, man!

You scream like a girl.

What the hell are you doing?

I gotta stop the blood flow.

Don't you watch ER?

Look at that nasty thing.

That's gonna be infected for sure.

You got any antiseptic, Anton?

I don't know.

Pnub's got some in a first-aid kit

in his house.

And burritos.

You'll be okay, buddy.

We'll be back in a sec

to fix you up, Anton.

Catch you on the flip-flop.

Oh, sh*t!

Anton, are you home?

Don't come in!

Just stay there, okay?

Very funny, Anton.

Stay out there, Molly!

I'm freezing my butt off.

Anton, we're gonna be late.

Anton, I can hear you in there!

Stay outside!

Come on, Anton!

Let's go!

We're gonna be late!

We're gonna miss the band.

Fry!

Gross.

Anton, I'm coming in.

Wait!

You look incredible.

Thanks. But you should've called.

If you needed more time with your

costume, fine. But I hate waiting.

So what are you supposed

to be, anyway?

I'm...

...a fast-food employee that

cut off his own hand.

Cute.

Come on!

Anton, we're back!

We got antiseptic

and adhesive bandages!

The ouch-free kind!

"Microwave for three minutes

and enjoy."

That's really getting on my nerves.

What are you doing?

Could you...?

This way.

Easy.

Yeah. That's better.

All right.

Thanks, man!

Gross!

Maybe we should clean it first.

Hey, yeah! And while we're at it,

we can clean the whole house.

This ain't our mess.

Look, I can't go to the dance yet,

okay? I'm sorry.

My parents will be home

in a few minutes.

If they see the mess I made,

they'll kill me.

Look, I won't be too long.

I'll meet you there.

Is something wrong?

You need to go there now...

...and you can't stop till you're

inside with everyone else, okay?

You wouldn't stand me up, would you?

Not a chance, babysnakes.

I'll get the next one.

Sh*t! I bit my tongue.

That's disgusting.

I bet I can fix that for you.

Hold still.

That's better.

Burrito, burrito

Wait, wait! Don't open it!

I'm sorry, there were only two.

No! You let the hand out!

We brought you a first-aid kit.

- Where did it go?

- What? You mean the hand?

Of course, the hand.

Try looking up your ass.

Damn.

Hey, foxy.

Looking for a ball?

Because I could help you find one

that's the right size for you.

What the hell?

Try and keep up.

I'd be happy to keep up

with you, sweet thing.

Don't you have a dance to go to?

That's right.

We gotta do our costumes.

- You coming, Randy?

- No.

I think I can find myself a ride.

All right.

So what brings you to Bolan?

You don't want to know.

No, seriously.

I'm interested.

Really?

Here it goes.

I'm a Druidic priestess sworn

to fight a certain evil force...

...that possesses the laziest

fuckup it can find.

It will kill as many people

as possible...

...and then drag a free soul

into the Netherworld.

That's some weighty sh*t there.

Here's the kicker.

I have the one thing

that can stop this from happening.

I just need to find the bastard

whose hand is possessed.

Weird.

Earlier today, this guy, Anton,

told me his hand was doing stuff...

...that he didn't want it to do.

Don't you f*** with me!

Ease up, there, kitten.

I'm telling you the truth.

This guy was freaked!

Show me where he lives.

Left! Turn left!

Guys! We gotta go to the dance.

The hand, it's after Molly.

Let's check out the dance.

I'll win Best Costume.

Chicks dig winners.

I'll probably hook up.

Yeah, because severed heads are

one of the top 10 big turn-ons.

It kills me to see you stressed out.

You cut off your hand

in the interest of others.

It's not your problem anymore.

So what I want you to do

is take a little Anton-time.

Just relax and kick back, my man.

No, no. You know what?

Not this time, okay?

I'm through with that.

All I do is sit around.

I veg out, I watch TV,

I smoke pot...

No Kevin Costner speeches.

Let's just go.

Come on!

Let's go! Come on, come on!

That's him!

- They're getting into my Ford!

- Wait here. He's dangerous.

Wait.

Don't let him steal my Ford.

Trust me.

I know what I'm doing.

That's lucky.

Sh*t.

Couldn't be automatic.

Want me to drive?

No, just shift for me.

Anton! Wait!

What was that?

Who cares?

Get back here!

Who's got the barf breath?

Damn!

It's hot in here.

So are you, babe.

I'm sweating my costume off, Curtis.

Better?

Help me get this off.

Right there.

It's here.

You guys go protect Molly.

I'll go after the hand.

- What a waste.

- You didn't like Curtis.

I'm talking about that ass!

Well, at least he died happy.

What's bugging you?

Just thinking.

And I know who about.

Just thought he'd be here by now.

He'll be here.

I'll go get some punch.

You want some?

Okay, I'll be right back.

You guys look great!

Who did your makeup?

- I guess Anton did.

- Based on my design, though.

You want to dance?

Hell, yeah!

- We should find Molly.

- Quit being a skirt.

We'll look for her while we dance.

There's plenty of chicks here.

- Careful, it's on kind of loose.

- Cool!

Don't put me on hold again.

I want to talk to your supervisor.

What?

Yes, of course.

What's taking so long?

Is this the supervisor?

What do you mean

my credit card is no good?

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