Idlewild Page #3

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from the last shipment.

That's a heavy load, Spats.

Twenty-five large buy you

a direct line to my supplier

and my entire clientele.

Now if I can't

find me a buyer,

then I gotta turn my operation

over to someone I can trust,

in which case,

I become a stockholder

and collect my dividends.

You always been good

with numbers, Rooster.

How about it?

Know what?

Maybe you right, Spats.

I am good with numbers.

I'm going to mull that over.

Like hell you will!

I've got your 25 large.

And I got a big plan that's going to

bring more people in here than ever.

So, if you allow me, I'd

like to make a toast to you.

To fast women, fast money,

and new beginnings.

The hell with that.

To 25 large.

Where is this

Mr. Sunshine Ace?

He sent me a coach ticket. That

was not part of our agreement.

A lady has standards

to maintain, you know.

Well, I'm sure that it... It

says right here in the telegram,

"First class. "

Don't say nothing about

no coach. What does it say?

First class.

That's right. First class.

Right there in bold writing.

So how the hell

did I get coach?

Well, look at

Miss Goody Two-Shoes.

She look better in the

pictures, if you ask me.

Excuse me.

Do I know you?

Hell, no. But if you

fix yourself up a little...

Taffy!

Miss Angel Davenport. Lord.

Don't try it, man.

I just traveled 19 hours

on a stinking train

from Saint Louis

in a lousy coach seat.

I deeply regret that.

Some jackass

didn't follow my orders.

I did exactly what you...

But now that you're here, Sunshine

Ace will take real good care of you.

Just as soon as we take care

of the legal paperwork.

Now I just so happen

to have your contract.

Now, never mind

all this fine print.

Them just the details. Sign

by the "X." Give me a pen.

Here. Right there.

Yup.

Now that the legal stuff is out the

way, you can have anything you want.

Anything?

Anything. Just you name it.

White carnations. White

carnations. You heard the lady.

Got you.

And my own dressing room.

And her own dressing room.

Taffy, come here. The rest of

you n*ggers, get back to work.

Come on, Sawed-Off.

Follow me,

Miss Davenport.

Ladies!

Look at this sh*t.

I don't even like you, girl.

Get your ass up out of here!

Monk?

You know,

we can do this another time.

Get your stinky ass up out of

here. You too. What... No, stop!

You didn't even want to loan me

no money? Get your ass out, too.

What the hell is this?

I'm sorry, just... Right

after you, Miss Davenport.

Thank you, Monk.

You welcome.

Bye, Monk.

Bye.

Oh, Rooster.

Baby, why you make me

act so bad?

Who, me?

Yes, you.

You bad boy.

Guess I kind of inherited it

from my Uncle Eddie.

Got a weakness for fine women

such as yourself.

And that perfume

don't help, either.

One second. One second.

Bad boy.

Let's head over to the garage.

Hey, Ace. Excuse me,

man. I want to... What?

I want to talk to you

about the piano.

Some of the notes

are still sticking and I...

Don't you touch

that damn piano.

That piano is

a bona fide antique.

Jelly Roll Morton brought the

house down with that piano!

If it's good enough

for Jelly Roll,

it's good enough for a

mortician n*gger like yourself.

It just needs a little tuning. I mean,

I hit a couple of bad notes, but...

Let me tell you something.

The only reason

why you even here,

because Rooster said, "Please,

"please let my mortician friend

come play the piano at your club. "

That's the only reason

why you here.

Watch your conduct, n*gger!

Jackass!

I still got girls.

Bye, Percy.

Idiot.

Never heard of

this one before.

No one has.

So you play piano

and write songs.

Yeah, I play a little bit,

just to pass the time.

That's a creepy car.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to be

caught dead in that one.

That's funny.

You're cute, piano player.

Thank you.

You got a name?

Percival.

Percival Jenkins.

Well, see you around,

Percival Jenkins.

Hey, Percival. Why don't you take

that phony broad back to the mortuary?

Maybe you'll get you some!

Let me ask you something.

Oh, baby.

Why are

all the good ones taken?

Sh*t! Goddamn!

The big man. Here, take this

out of here. What he doing here?

Where you going?

Get my panties.

Watch yourself, Spats.

Yeah, yeah. Come on, man.

Get my panties.

You know, I got big plans shaking

from out them trees out there.

That's the only way today's Negro

going to make it in today's society.

It's like something

my mama used to tell me,

well, not my birth mama,

but the lady that raised me.

B*tch, what you doing in here?

I just wanted to

finish up the receipts,

so me and you could spend some

quality time together tonight, daddy.

Receipts.

Right. Right.

I'll tell you what. You go

upstairs, keep the bed warm for me.

Take this with you.

I didn't know

you was gonna bring company.

See you later, fellows.

Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord.

P*ssy and money.

If God created anything

better, he kept it to himself.

Amen.

I've been waiting

on this day, Spats.

I've been dreaming about it.

I didn't know

it was gonna come so soon,

but I ain't about to

let you talk me out of it.

A big man's got to

have big plans.

And this is my big plan.

In a year's time, I can run

for mayor of this goddamn town.

Hell, I just might.

The way I see things,

you work for me now.

You get your

greasy-ass hands off of me.

Relax, son.

He ain't mean nothing by it.

I'm not going to

tell you again.

Say, slick,

what's your f***ing problem?

You talking to Sunshine Ace. Watch

your conduct around me, n*gger.

N*gger, I don't

give a damn who you are.

I would never work for some stinking,

fat, whore-loving trick like you.

Now, get the f***...

Spats. Spats.

You know I'm not trying to

disrespect your business, Spats,

and I don't believe in violence,

but I will cut this motherf***er!

Watch your conduct!

Put it away, Trumpy.

Put it away, Trumpy.

You, too, Ace.

No, don't worry, Spats.

Sunshine Ace ain't

cutting nobody today.

Trembling like a little b*tch.

I told you to put it away,

Trumpy. We're here on business.

Trumpy.

Son, you beginning

to forget your place.

Spats, come get

this half-breed.

Do you hear me, Trumpy?

Yeah, I hear you.

N*gger, you crazy.

And the problem is, I've heard

you loud and clear for six years.

Six long years I've been out

there busting my goddamn conk

for you to keep

your hands clean. And why?

So a piece of sh*t

like this can get rich?

Put the damn gun down now,

Trumpy.

What? This slimy pig

mean something to you?

You really are senile, old

man. You're talking to Spats.

Boy, you about to

get your ass whipped.

You done lost your natural

mind. That's right, Spats.

No, it's quite the

opposite, sir. That's right.

You see, I've watched you

for a long time, Spats.

And you taught me

that when opportunity knocks,

you said

the smart man answers.

Spats! Spats!

Son!

See, that was some

really good advice.

Trumpy. Hey, what was

that that you told me?

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