If.... Page #2

You three had better watch it.

Don't push us, Stephans.

The day's coming.

What day?

One night we're gonna massacre you,

Stephans. I'll do you for free.

Townside windows

and skylights open tonightl

Lights outl

Stephans.

Whatever you're doing now, don't.

Quiet.

Hey, Peanuts. Peanuts.

- Is it true you've become a Buddhist?

- What?

Christl Don't you know

Buddhists believe in being immoral?

They worship sex.

You mean Hindus. Hindus worship sex.

Shut up. Go to sleep.

Paradise is for the blessed,

not for the sex-obsessed.

He who would

True valor see

Let him come hither

Out here will constant be

Come wind, come weather

There's no discouragement

Shall make him once relent

His first avowed intent

To be a pilgrim

Since, Lord

Thou dost defend us

With thy spirit

We know we at the end

Shall life inherit

Then fancies flee away

I'll fear not what men say

I'll labor night and day

To be a pilgrim

Let us pray.

I'll do what I can. I can't promise anything.

I'll see if there's a space for you.

Ah, Rowntree!

That'll be all. Thank you, Finchley.

I want to see all whips in my study after break.

- Right, sir.

- Oh, how was India? Enjoy it?

- Jolly good.

- Bridges.

Bridges, I shall be taking the modern sixth

for business management this term.

- I hope you don't mind.

- Yes. Yes, of course, Headmaster.

- Headmaster-

- Just a moment, Kemp.

I've made it late school Thursdays, okay?

Yes, Kemp. Sorry.

Headmaster, may the Dramatic Society

use your study for their Monday readings?

Oh, well, I'll have to come back to you

on that one, Kemp.

Padre, that was a super voluntary

you gave us this morning.

- What was it, 18th century?

- Buxtehude, Headmaster.

Really? Well, it was lovely.

Ahl

Here, you've heard what's happened

to the orchestra this term.

No girls from Springfield.

Complete ban.

Not fair. Why?

Oh, their breasts were getting too big.

Temptations of the devil.

How will we survive?

Excuse me. Do you mind

not picking your shag spots in here?

I think it best

if we ignore each other this term.

How the hell can we,

with you spewing pus all over the room?

You drips.

Shut up, Travis.

Then fancies flee away

I'll fear not what men say

I'll labor night and day

To be a pilgrim

Da-da-dum, da-da-da-da-dum

Dum, dum

Dum-dum-dum-dum

Da-da-dum, da-da-da-da-dum

Dum, dum

Dum-dum-dum-dum

Your holiday essays.

Graves - charming.

Keating - good.

Making an effort at last.

Denson - bad.

Cox, Stephans - Distribute.

I'm afraid, Michael Travis, I lost your essay

somewhere in the Mont Blanc Tunnel...

but I'm sure it was good.

Right.

Europe in the 19th century

and the growth of nationalism.

In studying the 19th century,

one thing will be clear:

That the growth of technology-

telegraph, cheap newspapers,

railways, transport -

is matched by a failure

of imagination, Denson...

a fatal inability to understand

the meaning and consequences...

of all these levers,

wires and railways.

Climaxing in 1914 when the German

kaiser is told by his generals...

that he cannot stop

the war he has started...

because it would spoil

the railway timetables...

upon which victory depended.

Or perhaps you fashionably

and happily believe...

that it's all a simple matter

of evil dictators...

rather than whole populations

of evil people like...

ourselves?

Do you disagree?

Don't you find this view of history facile?

No?

Do you have a view?

Well, if you insist on staring at me

like a load of Christmas puddings...

you can at least write.

Perhaps you'll allow me to teach you,

Travis, to make drudgery divine.

It has been said of George the Third...

that he was a mollusk

who never found his rock.

Said by whom, uh, Travis?

Plumb. J.H. Plumb?

Possibly.

What were the failures of the British

constitution and the political parties...

that prevented the mollusk king

from finding his rock?

A 20- minute essay, uh, without notes.

What's a mollusk, for God's sake?

Two triangles are congruent

when one fits exactly over the other.

The sides of the one

equal the sides of the other.

The angles of the one

equal the angles of the other.

- Understand, Brunning?

- Yes, sir.

Good!

Sine "A" equals B-C over A-B...

equals the perpendicular

over the hypotenuse.

- Right, Jute?

- Yes, sir.

College is a symbol of many things -

scholarship, integrity in public office...

high standards in the television

and entertainment worlds...

huge sacrifice in Britain's wars.

Eyes left!

Of course, some of our customs are silly.

You could say we were middle class.

But a large part of the population is

in the process of becoming middle class...

and many of the middle class's moral values

are values that the country cannot do without.

We must not expect to be thanked.

Education in Britain

is a nubile Cinderella...

sparsely clad

and much interfered with.

Britain today is a powerhouse...

of ideas, experiment, imagination -

on everything from pop music

to pig breeding...

from atom power stations

to miniskirts.

And that's the challenge

we've got to meet.

There are boys in college...

in whom the muscles

of creativeness are flexing...

the pinions of imagination twitching.

That's what makes my job worth doing.

That's what makes college

an exciting place.

- John Thomas.

- Tom Thomas.

- The headmaster?

- Flossie.

- The chaplain?

- Um, Chippy Wood.

- No, it isn't, "Um, Chippy Wood. "

- It's Chippy Wood.

When Rowntree tests you,

you've got to be word-perfect.

Any "um-ing"and "er-ing,"and you're

done for. Now, the town, and no mistakes.

- Town girls.

- Town tarts.

- Grammar school?

- Smudges.

- All others?

- Bloody oiks.

Oiksl Listen.

You do realize it's not just a matter of

knowing the answers. It's how you say it.

- One word wrong, and you fail the whole test.

- And we get beaten.

And you have to take the test

all over again.

Right. Raising boaters?

Boaters must be raised to masters,

wives and friends of College.

No! Masters, their wives

and the friends of College.

Masters, their wives

and the friends of College.

I'm sorry, Brunning.

Say it! Say it!

- Come on! To the loo!

- Ready? Up.

- You love this. You love it.

- Little sh*t!

- All right. Get his trousers.

- Get his trousers!

I'm eating him. I'm eating him.

Hold him!

- Oh, dirty! You've been dirty!

- Dirty habits.

- All right! Let's wash him!

- Wash him!

Come on. Upsy-daisy.

Up we go.

- No!

- Oh, turn it up!

- We got it, Biles.

- We're gonna clean him.

How do you like that, Biles?

- Come on.

- There we are.

- You love it.

- You like it.

You're loving this, aren't you?

Love it, Bilesl You love itl

- Shut up!

- You like it, don't you? Enjoying it.

- Like that?

- No! No!

Come on. Let's go!

Whoo!

For God's sake, Biles.

Excuse me, please.

You're standing on my clothes.

Stand up.

Fortissimo. All together.

Onel Twol Threel

Stand up, stand up for College

Each manly voice upraise

- Clasp each the hand in brotherhood

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