If.... Page #3

- I keep having them, sir- these thoughts.

- And raise the roof with praise

- What kind of thoughts?

- And when these days of school are past

- Dirty thoughts.

- We all have temptations to withstand.

- Though we'll be near or far

It's too strong for me, sir.

We'll stand again for College

Fight the good fight, Stephans.

- Who made us

- Yes, sir.

What we are

On, on, on, on, on, on, onl

Feet, feet, feetl

Balll Ball, Jutel

On, on, on, on, on, onl

Feet, feetl

Get it out, lad! Better.

Forward pass!

Forward pass!

Go low! Go low!

Go low! Go low!

Go low - Oh!

Travis, Cox, Graves.

Jackson, Pearce and Keating.

I've told all the boys

it's going to be a white Christmas...

and I'm always right.

It's my seaweed.

Fisher.

Page.

A bit closer.

Thank you, Philips.

- What are these?

- Muffins.

I thought I specifically

ordered crumpets.

I couldn't get any.

I thought these would do.

- It's not up to you to think.

- Sorry, Rowntree.

Oh, go away.

Lazy sod.

- He gets a little lovelier each day.

- Lazy little bugger.

I'll swap you.

Ah, muffins. I like muffins.

You and your wholesome Bobby Philips -

you're driving us all mad with jealousy.

Do you know what Partridge

in Haig House said to me?

He said, " Why don't you send Bobby Philips

on a scum call to us one night...

and we'll send you our Taylor?"

- Which one's Taylor?

- You know, that little blond.

- Oh, don't be disgusting.

- What's the matter, Denson? Aren't you keen?

Denson's not like the rest of us.

He's got standards.

Purity, Denson.

It's just a matter of setting an example.

If we can't set an example, who can?

That's why we're given our privileges.

Admirable sentiments.

Anyway, this homosexual flirtatiousness

is so adolescent.

Let's just see.

- Philips!

- Oh, for God's sake, Rowntree.

Come on, Machin. We're waiting.

Right. Biles's is ready. Here.

Both sides done.

Okay. Okay, freak?

Mmm. Lovely.

Hey, watch mine.

Big one in the middle.

Hey.

Philips. Philips, you're wanted.

Rowntree.

Yeah. Go, Philips.

Mmm. Here.

Here. I'll have some more then.

Come in.

Well?

You'll be scumming for Denson

from now on.

All right with you, Richard?

Very well. You may go.

Say "thank you. "

Aries. That's Mick.

"No matter how strong the urge...

"resist any temptation

to go into battle this month.

"Otherwise, you run the risk

of not only being on the wrong side...

but possibly in the wrong war. "

So now you know.

The whole world will end very soon -

black, brittle bodies peeling into ash.

I'm going bald.

Must be something

they put in the soup.

I'll look senile

before I even leave this dump.

"My husband

seems to feel it's all right...

"to make love anywhere in the house.

"I cannot agree.

Surely the bedroom is the right and only

place for this very private happening. "

Have I got bad breath?

There's no such thing as a wrong war.

Violence and revolution...

are the only pure acts.

Do you know, in Calcutta...

somebody dies of starvation

every eight minutes?

Eight minutes is a long time.

Every morning I wake up dreaming

I've got bad breath.

My whole body's rotting.

War is the last possible creative act.

Isn't she beautiful?

Hello, sweetheart.

There's only one thing you can do

with a girl like this.

Walk naked into the sea together

as the sun sets...

make love once...

then die.

Fantastic.

What makes me nervous about girls

is you never know what they're thinking.

I don't think they do think.

Hey! Quick!

You've been drinking alcohol.

No, we haven't.

- Where's the bottle?

- What bottle?

Breathe.

Stand up when a whip's in your study.

Get your hands out of your pockets.

Your hair's too long, all of you.

You'll have a two-minute cold shower

tomorrow morning.

What in hell are those?

They're my teeth.

They're my good luck.

There's still blood on them.

They're a breeding ground for bacteria.

I'm confiscating them.

You're a degenerate, Travis.

Rightl Knightly, out.

Wallace, get under.

Right.

Wallace, out. Travis, get in.

Go on. In the middle.

Back a bit.

Forward a bit.

My time's up, you bastard.

Stay there till I get back.

Glory be to the Father

And to the Son

And to the Holy Ghost

As it was in the beginning

Is now and ever shall be

World without end

Amen

The book of Deuteronomy...

chapter four, the first verse.

"Now, therefore...

"hearken, O Israel...

"unto the statutes

and unto the judgments which I teach you...

"that ye may live and go in

and possess the land...

"which the Lord God of your fathers

giveth unto you.

"Ye shall not add unto the word

which I command you...

"neither shall ye diminish

aught from it...

"that ye keep the commandments

of the Lord, your God...

"which I command you.

"Behold, I have taught you

statutes and judgments...

"even as the Lord, my God,

commanded me.

"Keep, therefore, and do them...

"for this is your wisdom and your

understanding in the sight of the nations...

"which shall hear all these statutes

and say...

'Surely this nation is a wise

and understanding people. "'

Here endeth the lesson.

Right! Through vault. Biles!

Feet together!

Right. Good, good!

It's a through vault, Machin.

Right!

Come on, keep your head up!

Head up!

Come on. More effort.

More effort, Philips. Come on.

Need more push up. Good.

Jute, come on!

Come on, Jute.

Jutel Come onl

All right. Right! All of you on your toes!

Get your sweaters.

Get your sweaters.

Back to the housel

Hupl Hupl Out you gol

Hup, hup, hup, hupl Come on, Philips.

Hupl Hupl Hupl Hupl Hupl Hupl

Hupl Hupl Hupl Hupl

Hupl Hupl Hupl Hupl Hupl Hupl

Hupl Hupl Hupl Hupl Hupl Hupl

War!

War. Even to the knife!

England, awakel

Give me another horse!

We are not commons to you at alll

- Some love England and have only yet-

- Doomsday is near! Die, all, die!

Death to tyrants!

What stands, if freedom falls?

Who dies, if England lives? Aha!

Blood.

Real blood!

Water, Mrs. Kemp?

Lovely day, Mrs. Kemp.

Salt, Mrs. Kemp?

Spring greens, Mrs. Kemp?

Dead man's leg today, Mrs. Kemp.

Do you need this, Mrs. Kemp?

No, thank you.

Quietl

Cheering at College matches

has degenerated completely.

This will cease.

The house will attend the match

this afternoon and cheer...

loudly.

Fight! Fight, fight!

Fight, College! Fight! Fight!

Stopl Bring it back nowl

Stop!

Yes?

Two coffees, please.

Black or white?

White.

Black.

Sugar.

Go on. Look at me.

I'll kill you.

Look at my eyes.

Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror...

and my eyes get bigger and bigger.

And I'm like a tiger.

I like tigers.

I likeJohnny.

Scissors.

Stone.

Paper.

Scissors.

Stone.

Paper.

- Anything wrong?

- No. It's all right, sir. Just duty rounds.

- You won't be long, will you, sir?

- Sorry, Denson. I didn't know it was so late.

Good night, sir.

Good night, Denson.

You know, if I pass all the tests,

I'm definitely going to California.

I'm going to be a criminal lawyer.

Of course, it all takes about 20 years.

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