If I Had a Million Page #3

Mr Jackson.

If you'll kindly endorse this,

I'll see what I can do about it.

Forger! Forger!

Bank forger!

Extra! Bank forger escapes!

- Paper, mister?

- Yeah.

- Gimme all of them.

- All of 'em?

- Yeah, come on.

- Gee, thanks!

Now scram.

Just a moment, Mr Jackson.

Mr Galloway. I want to congratulate you

on your good fortune.

I'm sorry.

Oh, thanks.

Mr Bolan tells me you'd like some cash -

a rather considerable amount.

I was planning quite an extensive trip.

I see.

But that's a lot of money, you know?

However, if you wait in my office,

I'll see if it can be arranged.

I'd rather wait here.

You see, I was expecting Mrs Jackson.

Just as you say.

Extra!

Read all about the bank forger.

Paper, sir?

Thanks.

Thanks.

You think I'm a fool?

I wouldn't cash a cheque for $10 for you.

It's on the level.

The whole thing is yours for 50 grand.

Just because I need dough

and I can't cash it myself.

I've read the newspapers

and you're hot - hot as a stove.

You figured out this little scheme

to get some quick dough.

You'll have to try it on somebody else,

Eddie. I hope you find the right sucker.

- Where's Mike?

- In the office.

Who do you think you're talking to?

A child?

It's on the level - a certified cheque.

No cheque you ever have is certified.

I'm going off my nut.

The cops have got a plant on my place.

I'm walking around without a dime,

with this!

I can't even buy a cup of coffee.

I'm going crazy.

Give me ten grand, enough to blow out of

town. Or five. Or a grand for the million.

No.

Say, if you're so convinced that cheque's

good, why don't you go to Glidden?

Tell him your troubles.

- Yes?

- I wanna see Mr Glidden.

- Mr Glidden has gone to bed.

- I gotta see him. He gave me money.

- I'm sorry, sir.

- It's a matter of life or death.

He gave me the cheque, only

could you tell him to make it out in cash?

That's fair enough, isn't it?

You gotta ask him, I tell you!

Mr Glidden's cheques are always good.

You can go to any bank in the city.

Now, get out or I'll call the police.

Thank you, ma'am.

- I wonder what's the matter with him?

- I don't know, lady.

How are you?

Hey, how about the dime first?

I haven't got it now,

but I'll get it.

You can't flop around here without dough.

This ain't no mission. Outside.

No! No, I can't go out there.

I gotta sleep, I tell you!

Here! Take this. It's a million bucks.

You can keep it till I pay you.

Let me sleep, will you?

A million bucks, all right.

Yeah, sure.

You can stay.

- All night?

- Yeah, sure.

I got something out of it!

That's right.

It's always good

and I can cash it at any bank!

Sure.

Hello.

This is Murphy's flophouse.

Say, you better send

a couple of cops down here.

There's a guy here who's off his nut.

He just gave me a million dollars for a bed.

- Agnes.

- Oh, Emily! Oh!

You sounded the same over the telephone

and you look the same in the flesh.

- You've lost a little weight.

- No. No, darling.

Pound or two maybe, just here and there.

Gee, I'm glad to see you.

I'm very happy, Agnes, and I'm doing fine.

Come on, sit down.

There ain't much more

to what I told you.

I've been doing five a day,

day in and day out.

When was it we played together last?

Was it Wilkes-Barre in '23?

'24, my dear.

I shan't forget that year.

It was the winter

Rollo had that bad cold.

Why, I had him in mustard and vinegar

for two months.

I remember that egg. He was the juggler.

You sure were lucky to lose him.

I didn't lose him. Rollo is here with me now -

partner in this tearoom.

Oh, and, gee,

it's a swell tearoom, too.

It's been wonderful having this place

for our own to settle down in.

You know, Agnes,

after 30 years of it -

one-night stands

and split weeks -

that's about all you ever dream of,

a place of your own.

- You're telling me.

- I've got everything I ever dreamt of.

Excepting one thing.

And that's on its way.

It's here!

It's here! Rollo!

- Did you chirp for me, my little wren?

- Rollo, it's here! It's here!

It's here.

A thing of beauty, my dove.

- A beauty second only to your own.

- Oh, Rollo! Let's go and look at it.

Excuse me, I forgot.

You know Agnes Dupont.

- Hi, Rollo.

- Hi, Miss Dupont. Queen of the high wire.

What do you play these days?

Revivals?

I headline bills

they wouldn't even let a juggler on.

- Oh, Rollo, let's go look at it.

- Coming, my little chickadee.

I wish you luck.

I wish you'd remember you're not

handling cigar boxes, but an automobile.

I find it difficult at this time

to remember that you're a woman.

I wish you'd forget. I'd like nothing better

than to knock your ears into your neck.

- Goodbye, Emily.

- Bye-bye.

I suppose you forget the day

I busted you in the nose in Cincinnati?

- Rollo. Rollo, dear.

- Yes, my little glow-worm?

- Can't we go on?

- Yes, my sweets.

We'll be rolling

in half a tick now, dear.

- Here you are, my buns.

- Thank you, dear.

You're welcome, sweets.

- Are you happy, Emily?

- This is the happiest day of my life,

including the time

I stopped the show at Terre Haute.

You were inspired that day.

It was a red-letter day

in the history of bird acts.

Do you remember

what I did to them that day? 17 bows.

The manager wanted the great Rollo.

- Rollo, darling, can't we go on?

- Yes, my sweets.

- Good work, Rollo.

- Nothing really.

- Is everything all clear?

- All clear.

- Anybody hurt?

- Come on!

Get an ambulance.

Are you hurt,

my little fledgling?

- No.

- Can't we get some help?

But look at my car!

You should've let me kill him. The man

is worse than a murderer. He's a road hog.

All our lives,

we've worked and saved for this one thing,

and then this had to happen!

Road hogs -

a constant menace to society.

They should be wiped out, Emily.

Do you hear? Wiped out!

Oh, uh, here she is, sir.

- Are you Miss Emily La Rue?

- Yes.

My name is John Glidden.

I want to talk to you.

If you dare suggest, sir,

that we were in any way at fault,

I shall lay hands upon you.

I don't know what you're talking about.

My business is with Miss La Rue.

She thanks you, sir.

A thousand times, she thanks you.

Would you mind telling me, now you have

money, what you're going to do with it?

- Not that you have to, but...

- It's yours, my sweet.

You must use it

to gratify your every whim.

Oh, but half of this money is yours, Rollo.

What do you want?

Nothing, my little bird.

There is something

I would like to do,

something I would like to do right now

above everything else in the world.

- Rollo.

- At your side, my beauty.

- Come.

- Yes, my sweets. Where?

Come.

- Will it run?

- Oh, perfectly.

- We'll take it.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Now, show us another.

- Yes, ma'am. Right this way.

Now, here's the best buy on the lot.

A fine-looking jalopy.

Looks like a cement mixer.

- We'll take that one, too.

- Yes, ma'am.

Can you furnish us

with some strong, brave drivers?

- Yes, sir. On a minute's notice.

- Splendid.

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