If I Had My Way Page #8

And don't bother me again

for another 10 years!

Joe, I'm proud of you.

Anybody who can keep from slugging that

guy all these years deserves a medal.

I'm glad he called up. I'd almost

forgotten how much I hated him.

There's an old Swedish proverb

that fits him beautifully.

Oh, here we go again, folks.

"Heaven gives us our relatives,

but we..." Oh, it fits him good.

Well, there's no use talking.

The wrong Johnson has the money.

Now, there's a fellow who could loan

us what we need and never even miss it.

Maybe he would if he thought he

had a chance of getting it back.

Pat, you're a wonder. I've

just been struck by lightning.

Where? Right there. Now, listen.

When you want to borrow money,

where do you always get it?

Not from a bank. Right.

You always get it from a

place you least expect it.

I found that out.

All right, then,

listen to this. Come here.

I'm going to send a wire to Tommy Morgan,

a pal of mine out in Gold Creek, Wyoming,

and ask him to do me a favor.

Boy, if this works, we'll be

killing two birds with one stone.

It will work, it's got to work.

One, two, three, four.

Turn around. Turn around.

Mr. Johnson?

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

Turn around.

Brenda? Brenda.

Take a look at this.

It's from Gold Creek, Wyoming.

Gold Creek, Wyoming?

Do we know anybody there?

Read it. Read it.

All very interesting,

but how does it concern us?

Brenda, can't you see?

This is the break I've been waiting

for. This may be our financial salvation.

You're talking in bunches,

Jarvis. I don't follow you.

Listen. According to this,

Fred left valuable stocks.

Pat must have them now,

and I'm her closest relative.

Now, when I'm appointed her

legal guardian, simple, isn't it?

Oh, very simple, but aren't you

overlooking one minor detail?

What's that?

Well, the courts do give children some

choice in selecting their guardians.

And after what's happened,

I doubt very much if Patricia

would ever choose you.

Didn't you know

your brother had those stocks?

If I'd known it, do you

think I'd ever have let you

turn the child

out of my own house?

Oh, that's right, blame me

for your stupid mistakes.

This is your fault and you know it.

What's the difference whose fault it is?

A mistake has been made,

and I've got to correct it.

Well, then the first thing you'd better

do is try to make up with your relatives.

Brenda, you're right.

I've been a fool.

Blood is thicker than water.

Why should I be at war

with my own flesh and blood?

You shouldn't. That child

really needs your protection.

Of course she does, my dear.

I'll call Uncle Joe immediately.

Now you go right in and dance

and don't you worry.

How do you do? My name is

Swenson. You remember me?

I do. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson

are not at home.

Well, I only come to get a suitcase.

I think we left it here the other day.

Nothing was left here,

Mr. Swenson. Good day.

Hedges, we are always at home

to our friends.

Well, well, come right in,

Mr. Swenson. Glad to see you!

Oh, thank you very much.

Glad to see you.

How have you been, Mr. Swenson? Well,

I've got a little pain in my arm.

Fine, fine, and how is

our friend, Mr. Blackwell?

Oh, Buzz? He's all right.

Where is Mr. Blackwell?

You mean right now? Yes, yes.

He's out in the hall

waiting for me.

He's outside in my hall now?

Yes, that's right.

Just a minute, please.

Brenda, Brenda! I want

you to meet Mrs. Johnson.

Yes, dear? Look who's

here, dear. Mr. Swenson.

You remember him? Mr. Blackwell's

friend? Oh, yes, of course.

You entertain Mr. Swenson, dear.

I'm going out in the hall

and get Mr. Blackwell.

How do you do, Mr. Swenson? How do you do?

But how sweet of you to come,

Mr. Swenson.

Would you enjoy a little rumba?

Oh, it's too early to drink.

I would rather dance.

Oh, Blackwell.

Can I see you a minute?

You don't want to see me

about anything?

Yes. Yes, I do. I'm afraid

I've been very rude to you.

I'm afraid you have.

Yes, well,

I hope you'll forgive me.

I've been wrong, Blackwell, and I

admit it. Will you accept my apology?

Mr. Johnson, when a man comes

to me and says he's been wrong,

there's only one thing I can do.

Well, I'm glad

you feel that way.

Won't you come in? Thank you.

I won't try to justify myself,

but I've been very upset lately.

You don't have to explain

anything to me, Mr. Johnson.

I know how these family things

are. They happen to everybody.

Yes, yes.

Here we are. Sit right down, Mr.

Blackwell. Will you have a cigarette?

No, I'll smoke this,

if you don't mind.

Not at all, Buzz.

It is Buzz, isn't it?

That's right, Jarvis.

It is Jarvis, isn't it?

Fine, fine. Now, I'll

tell you what's on my mind.

I feel badly about the way I've treated

Pat and I want to make up for it.

Tell me, how is the child

fixed? You mean financially?

Oh, not well, Jarvis,

not... Not well at all.

You mean Fred left nothing?

No insurance?

Just about enough

to cover the debts.

I'm surprised. I thought at

least he'd have a few bonds.

No, no. No bonds.

No stocks either? I know Fred

used to dabble in the market.

Well, I'm afraid the stocks

Fred left won't do Pat much good.

Oh, then he did leave

some stocks?

Well, about 1,000 shares

in some wildcat company.

But I guess Fred

wasn't much of a businessman.

Well, they may have some value. Do

you know who has the certificates?

Oh, I have.

It's a funny thing, isn't it?

You asking about the stocks,

and I had them right here

in my pocket all the time.

You can take a look at them if you want

to, but it really wouldn't do much good.

I had them down to the bank this morning,

and they didn't encourage me at all.

Well, banks can be wrong, too.

Baldwin Development Company.

Never heard of them.

Buzz, I'm afraid you're right.

Yeah, I guess so, but it

was worth a try, anyhow.

Buzz, I want to see

that Pat is taken care of.

Now, if you're agreeable, I'll take

these 1,000 shares off your hands

and pay you their par value,

$5,000.

No, no, no, no, Jarvis,

I couldn't let you do that.

Now, now, now, not a word.

Let me sit there, please.

But that stock isn't worth a quarter.

You're practically making Pat a gift.

Let that be a little secret

between you and me.

You can tell Joe

you got the money at the bank.

Jarvis, I've met a lot of men

in my life, a lot of men.

But very few of them

would do what you're doing.

Oh, forget it.

Just my good deed for the day.

There you are.

Well, thank you. Thank you

for Pat and for all of us.

It's nothing. Shall we

join my guests? A pleasure.

Come on, everybody has

to do the conga.

Look, Buzz,

I'm a jumping jitterbug.

How did things work out?

Everything's okay.

Did you get the dough? Yes, sir.

How much you get? Five G's.

Going to fix that old caf

Going to get started right away!

Hey, wait a minute. Who, me?

Oh, it's you, huh?

Where do you think you're going

to hang that Minnesota Muzzler?

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