If Lucy Fell Page #2

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Ooh.

All right.

I might have something to say.

Well, maybe you can

say it next week.

Maybe.

Mmm.

Thanks, Lucy.

You've been a great help.

Uh, Picasso.

Molly.

Hmm.

People with heads

like water balloons

and eyes in the middle

of their faces?

Sweet. Very nice.

Oh. A tough one for our

little expert over there.

Gauguin. Emily.

That really gross guy who sent his

ear in the mail to his brother

and then he killed himself.

No that's close, though. That was

Van Gogh, Gauguin's best friend.

All right, listen. Pair up, all you little

munchkins, and, uh, start painting.

Come with me! Come with me!

I called again.

I can't believe I called again,

making my lover my authoritarian

parental scapegoat,

thus digressing in my analysis.

This clear, sort of Edwardian,

mystical martyrdom that I...

Did you just yawn?

Am I boring you?

Oh, well, I'm so sorry

my problems bore you, Lucy.

Yes, you do bore me, Ted.

This story of yours bores me. Every

week, for an hour, it's the same thing.

"I didn't want to call.

He made me feel like sh*t.

"It made me feel like sh*t,

but I called."

It bores me.

Well, it bores me, too!

This ultimate Faustian prison.

I want to stop. Why the hell

do you think I see you?

I don't know.

Maybe you're bored?

I look at the phone.

I stare at the phone.

Then I pick up the phone.

I feel I am the phone.

I'm imprisoned by the phone.

Therefore, I am a prison,

with the phone as my bars.

Where's your partner?

No?

Couldn't find a partner?

Man, I know how you feel.

I don't have a partner, either.

Do you wanna be my partner?

Really? Uh-huh.

You serious? Uh-huh.

All right.

What do you wanna paint?

A rainbow.

Yeah? Mmm-hmm.

All right.

Start with what?

A little red over here?

Who would...

A person could...

Oh, goodness. Who would leave

this phone here like this?

God!

Hi.

Hi.

How was class?

Okay.

Good.

Do you think you help

people in therapy, Lucy?

Well, I try.

I think it's possible.

The pain of these little kids

sometimes is, uh...

Just, uh, makes me sad.

Another

deep-painting-subject day?

Why do you always do that?

Why do you act flippant about

things that are important to me?

You've reconsidered

the death pact, I hope?

You are so afraid

that I may be right

you will not answer one

simple question, will you?

What I really hear you saying is that

you're frightened about something, Joe.

So, do you want

to tell me about it

or do you want to continue

to project your fears onto me?

I'm not projecting sh*t.

Why do you act flippant about

things that are important to me?

Well, I don't feel that I do.

Well, I'm telling you, you do.

Well, that's your perception.

It's not perception, Lucy.

You make me feel like sh*t

when you act like you don't care about

things that are important to me.

Period. That's how I feel.

That's no perception.

What, is this about Jane? Are

you having a crisis about Jane?

Because I could understand...

If I were celibate,

if I were saving myself

for five years for somebody.

If I was obsessing over

somebody for five years

and I didn't even have the

courage to speak to them,

I can imagine that I might be in a

bit of a crisis about this person.

You just have a glib little

response for everything, don't you?

You're, like, in this

little, protected shell.

You hide behind your smug, pseudo-intellectual,

you know, psycho-babble humor.

I mean, you wanna talk about being afraid, Lucy?

Why don't we talk about Dick?

Why don't we talk about two and a

half years of you hiding behind Dick,

a man that you don't

give a sh*t about,

you could care less

about how he feels,

and turned down

everything that's come along.

I mean, if you want to talk about

being afraid, Lucy, forget about me.

I mean, let's talk about you.

If everybody weren't afraid,

Joe, then nobody would know

how nice it feels to be safe.

All right, Lucy. 28 days.

I'm gonna talk to Jane.

You're gonna go out

with anyone that asks.

At the end of this month,

if nothing changes,

you and I jump off

the Brooklyn Bridge.

Fine.

Fine.

This is it. You take it.

I can't look at it.

Oh, my god!

All right. "The New York

City Board of Education

"is pleased to inform you that, having

met the necessary requirements...

"B.A. in Education."

Yeah, we have that.

"Recommendations, commitment of

enrolment." We have that already.

"Your application has

been accepted." Oh!

"Just answer the following questions,"

blah, blah... What questions?

They're tryin' to tell me that

they're gonna give us our school!

What are the questions, Joe?

What are the questions?

Uh, "What is your projected

teaching philosophy?"

Progressive but honest.

What, like teaching kids

how to kill themselves

if they don't have

boyfriends by 4th grade?

That's not fair. Taxi!

When do we actually get the

building to put our school in?

As soon as we get the money.

When do we get the money?

Right now. Simon. Excellent.

"Bwick Elias." Yeah, whatever.

How's Joe?

He's terrific. He's good.

He still infatuated with that woman

who lives across the street?

Mmm-hmm.

Did you hate

grade school, Daddy?

No. Did you?

Yeah.

Oh!

And actually, that's what I, I sort

of wanted to talk to you about.

See, I've really

been thinking a lot...

Well, actually, Joe and

I were talking about...

What?

Come on, Lucy. No, never mind.

What?

Nothing. Nothing.

Really, it's nothing.

You got your stuff in to Harvard, right?

Mmm-hmm, yeah.

Good.

Yeah.

You know, Mom used to

tell me that if I...

If I sat here on this mushroom

and I wished really hard,

that Alice would take me

to Wonderland with her.

Yeah? Yeah, but I would

get really discouraged.

I must have come here after

school every day for months,

and I would stand here and...

Actually, I'd sit right here,

desperately hoping,

you know, wishing.

Nothing. She never showed.

Then one day, this...

By the way, I have, um... I have

some mail for you at the house.

You know, they keep

sending it to my address.

Well, you can have it

forwarded to me.

Sure.

Well, it's great seeing you.

You look terrific, sweetheart.

Thanks.

I love you.

See you next week.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Grabbed my favorite dress

But it's so ordinary

So I slashed my jeans

Yeah, yeah my hair's a mess

It's very arbitrary

Pass the scissors please

He said

"Baby, I think you need

a long vacation"

I said

"I think I need

a little levitation"

I'm the only one

I'm the only one

Spinning like the barrel

of a shotgun

I'm the only one

In an ordinary life

F***.

You're mine!

Any guy.

You look very pretty today.

Oh.

Thank you.

You look like an idiot.

Excuse me?

Savant!

I meant you looked

like an idiot savant.

I mean, I think you have, probably,

I believe, savantian qualities.

I think we all have savantian qualities.

I just...

May I take you

on a date tonight?

Food for thought.

Ooh! Gotta run.

Maybe I'll see you around. I...

Tomorrow night, 8:00?

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