If Lucy Fell Page #4

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some suntan products.

S.P. factor?

Excuse me?

S.P. factor?

Uh, no. That's okay. I'll

just have suntan lotion.

What sun protection

factor do you need?

Oh, sun protection factor.

"S.P." Sun protection.

Yes.

I don't know,

what do you guys suggest?

For you? Yeah.

30. 30?

Yeah.

Give me a four. Actually, better

yet, gimme that deep, uh,

that deep-tanning tropical oil.

That's only 2. Excellent.

At least get the total sun

blocks for your nose and lips.

Whatever the f*** it is you think

you're doing, do it away from me.

Al.

Why can't we

just love each other?

Come on, Joe.

We have to be there in half an hour.

We're gonna be late.

I'm not going.

Oh, please, Joe.

Come on, will you just...

Will you let me see it, at least?

Just lift your chin a little...

Five years I wait to meet Jane.

Five years.

Will you let me see it?

Can I look at it?

I'll tell you if you

should worry or not.

No. Just lift your face.

Come on. We have to go.

Please?

It's... It's not bad.

I... I barely see anything.

Lucy, come on! You...

It's so minimal.

You barely...

The white... The white

ring, I'm talking about.

I know what you're talking

about, and it's nothing.

No one's gonna even notice it.

It's totally... It's fine.

No one'll notice it?

Uh-uh.

Doesn't look weird?

No.

It's gonna be fine. Come on, let's go.

You have to get dressed still.

Okay? You're gonna look great.

Don't worry about it.

What if I put some makeup on?

No, don't put makeup on.

Do not put makeup on.

You're gonna look great. Just

leave it alone and let's go.

All right? Get dressed. All

right, all right. Thanks, Lucy.

Mmm-hmm.

I'll just be a sec.

How am I gonna explain?

What was I thinking?

How will I explain to her that

she's in all my paintings?

She's gonna think I'm a, a freaky

peeping tom freaker. Freakman.

You're the only one

that can see that, all right?

You're saying you can't see my girlfriend,

Jane, in that painting right there?

You can't see Jane in this painting?

In that painting?

Jane kissing God.

Jane and the elephants.

Jane and the Jane.

The big-love Jane.

You can't see that

in any of them?

What about that one? You see

her face there, her clothes?

She has clothes?

All right. Great, fine.

No. Oh, good, fine. Okay, good.

No one can see. Only me.

Only me. Okay, good.

What is wrong with you?

Boy, this is stupid.

This is dumb.

Relax!

Interview loves it. And I think

the Voice does, as well.

Whatever!

It's over 50% sold, Joe!

Whatever, Rene. I mean, the girl's not coming.

It's just dumb.

Joe. Joe!

This one I'm going to buy.

Really?

Yeah, I think it sums up

the historical sexual struggle

so completely

that it's inspiring.

So you would

consider yourself...

"Limp cock man"? Yeah. Proudly.

Maybe they'll start

to believe it

Who's leavin' who?

Who's leavin' who?

If I'm leavin' you

And you insist that's true

Who's the fool?

You say my eyes are too blue

I used to listen to you

Some things I know

got rearranged

Let me out

of these sugar chains

Jesus.

Lucy. Lucy. Lucy...

Oh, my god.

Oh...

Excuse me.

Okay.

Do you know where I can

find Joe MacGonaughgill?

Oh!

You're... Jane.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, Jane, I know.

I know lots of Janes.

Well, I... I'd...

I don't know lots of Janes,

but, I have one very

good friend named Jane.

That's nice.

Wow.

You really are pretty.

Thank you. Thanks.

I mean, you look fantastic.

That, that, uh...

Your dress is pretty.

So I think that... I think Joe is...

Oh! Yep, there he is.

Good.

So... Okay.

Joe.

This is Jane.

Jane Lindquist.

Hey.

Joe MacGonaughgill.

It's good to meet you.

I see you met Lucy already.

Yeah, we met over there.

I have herpes. I... I mean,

I...I don't get it downstairs,

you know, I just get very, uh,

violent herpetic outbreaks

on, on my mouth.

I wanted to look, you know, especially nice for...

for the opening tonight.

So today I did this,

like, tanning thing.

So I, I put this sun

block around my mouth

especially, so I wouldn't

get, uh, any cold sores.

I, uh, I... I didn't...

I didn't get any cold sores.

I did get this ridiculous white

ring around my mouth, though,

which, uh...

I didn't notice it.

Here's the thing.

See, I'm aware

that you find me

extremely attractive.

There's a... There's a...

There's a heat.

You know, there's a thing.

And, uh, I know that this might be

sort of eating into that moment a bit.

Sort of eating into that...

that thing, you know.

But I want you to know

that it will go away soon,

and I will go back to being

the incredibly dashing,

handsome, you know,

Newman-Brando-esque, you know,

looking, uh, guy.

Shh.

Excuse me.

I'm Bwick.

I've been watching you.

I know you see me,

us, together tonight.

Don't think here.

I want to go out now with you all

around the city, just you and me.

I want to paint you, innocent,

us, out, joyful, good,

pleasant, deep.

He's, uh... He's Bwick. Bwick Elias.

He's a... He's a painter.

You paint, right?

I... I... Art.

Okay. Oh.

You'll be all right, Lucy.

He's harmless.

Okay. So then I guess that, uh,

Bwick and I are just...

Out... Out, and...

Night and, and... And light. Us.

And asphalt and, and...

Lighting.

All right. Fine.

Well, congratulations, Joe.

Thanks, Lucy.

Hey, listen, uh,

Mac... Knockadick?

Excuse me?

MacKnickknack.

MacDick... trick?

MacDicka... MacDickatrick?

MacGonaughgill.

MacDonaughgill.

MacGonaughgill. MacGonaughgill.

Joe MacGonaughgill.

MacGonaughgill.

Joe... MacGonaughgill.

You have a, um,

art show.

Good. Okay.

Thanks so much.

Bye.

I love your paintings.

Really?

Yeah. Really.

Can I ask you somethin'?

Yeah.

Are you involved with anyone?

Yes.

Who?

Him.

Really?

He does have quite a limp dick,

but he gives the best

damn head I've ever had.

Ouch! Good.

That's not good.

That makes me feel not good.

Ring the bell,

make a wish. $20 more

and I get a room

and dinner tonight.

But please, anything will do.

Your wish'll still come true.

Ah. Oh.

You wanna try?

Sure.

That's the way to do it.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, hey! It worked! Bye,

thanks for everything. Bye!

Taxi!

So, how was it?

Lucy, my imagined ideals

were like tiny,

insignificant bits

of nothingness

compared to the magnificence

which was her beauty.

Okay? I am completely

in love with her.

She is God's woman.

And he has...

He has given her to me.

Wow. That sounds great.

You should be very happy.

You think?

Yeah, you should, because she's not

a fantasy anymore to you, Joe.

She's a real woman.

She is a perfect, real woman.

Come on.

That's nice.

Listen, by the way, what was

up with, uh, you leaving with.

Bwick Elias?

Oh, I don't know, he's funny.

He's an idiot, but he's funny.

You know, I like this dating thing.

I'm sort of getting the thing here.

What I do is sit back and watch

as these strange men

try to impress you

in weird and stupid ways.

And then you just, you pick the

least disgusting one, I guess.

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