If Only

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I'm really gonna miss you,

you know that?

Sam, it's just a couple of weeks.

Which is gonna seem

like an eternity, right?

An eternity, and then some.

Oh, it's better, you

bloody Englishman

- Say it again.

- Say what?

I love hearing you say English

swear words. Say 'bloody'

Hm, 'bloody'

- Now, say 'bugger'

- 'Bugger'

You bugger, you bloody bugger.

That's the word.

- Oh, crap!

- Oh, you smooth talker, you.

I have to get dressed, run through

my notes, rehearse my presentation.

Have a nervous breakdown, ignore your

half-naked girlfriend. Give me two seconds.

Sam.

Just stay right there and don't move

your cute British butt.

- Don't tell me, there's a gift.

- There's a gift.

There's always a gift.

It makes me feel very guilty.

Well, that is the general idea.

I have a present, too.

I'll give it to you later

because it's a surprise.

Great. I love surprises.

Wow!

- It's perfect.

- I know.

Vintage, Portobello road.

It's only ten pounds.

And it does come with this.

Nice lining. Silk.

What?

I have to get ready, you know

how important this meeting is.

If it goes well, you know

what that could mean.

Ian...

Sam.

Please, have mercy.

You know, that's what I was thinking, that

after you close the deal and knock them dead...

it would be a perfect time

to step back, relax, and...

- And?

- And go to Ohio.

- Sam.

I really want you to go to my mom's

wedding with me. You can meet everyone.

You're not coming?

I tried to free things up but you know...

you know how hectic work's been.

I'm really sorry.

That's okay.

Look, I'm really sorry to

let you down about Indiana.

Ohio.

Bugger! I'm sorry, again.

I'm just going to have to meet

your mom at the next wedding.

What wedding?

Ours. Next year.

Me? Marry you?

A guy who confuses the buckeye state with

the hoosier state? I don't think so.

- I'm gonna take a shower now.

- Be my guest.

# London Bridge is falling down,

# my fair lady.

- Sam?

# London Bridge is falling down...

- Sam!

# ...falling down, falling down,

# my fair lady.

I am cool.

Ready for breakfast? Bon appetite.

Hey, I don't care how big this

meeting is. You are going to eat.

Sorry, there's no time.

Aw, I'm such a klutz.

Show me.

- Better?

- Much.

Good.

'One day accessing one's genetic make-up

will be as easy as running a credit check.'

'That knowledge gives us the power

to alter our destiny.'

Alter destiny? You believe that?

Yeah, of course I do. I'm telling you

in the next fifty years...

People are still going to die.

It'll still rain right after you wash your

car, and the Stones will still be touring.

That stuff's out of your control. The only

things you can control are your own choices.

Okay.

Well, that would be the

other point of view.

But I really don't have time to debate

destiny. I'm just practicing my speech.

Excuse me.

In case we don't talk later.

Dinner tonight, Tantra, seven o'clock.

Tonight, seven o'clock?

You're kidding, right?

Kidding? Not that I'm aware of.

My concert.

The one I've been preparing for

for three years. Ring a bell?

Yeah. Your graduation concert.

I didn't forget that. That's...

Tonight. Seven o'clock.

I'm an ass.

I'm so sorry, Sam. Really

I can't believe I did that.

Good luck. In your meeting. Not that

you need it. You're gonna be great.

I'm sorry.

You've got to be kidding me. Uh!

Oh, no, the stupid jerk.

You know, don't be late.

I'll take care of this.

I'll see you tonight at the concert.

Concert? What concert?

I was kidding. Kidding, you see,

because it turns out

I forgot the thing and...

Oh, this must be that British

sense of humor I keep hearing about.

Okay.

I'll see you tonight.

'Gentlemen, we at AGS are not only

at the forefront of biotech...'

Not the forefront, the vanguard!

Bollocks!

What happened?

I cracked it this morning.

But it says eleven o'clock.

Well, the hands must have moved.

At least it'll be right twice a day.

Do me a favor.

Call Tantra, push my reservation to nine.

And have someone dash over to Harvey Nicks.

I need a present for Samantha...

For Samantha's graduation concert.

How did you remember that?

I'm not sure, could be because she told me,

she sent you an invitation

which is on your desk,

we programmed the date into your palm...

Okay, got it, got it. Thanks.

Anyway, I promised her a surprise.

So, how about a sweater?

Something cashmere.

Red! Red's her favorite color.

She's already got one.

A red cashmere sweater. She was

wearing it last time she was here.

She went on and on about

how much she loved it.

Really? Where was I?

Right next to her.

'You have no idea...'

'what I feel inside'

'Hold me, babe'

Sorry to make you pick me up

all the way over here.

Don't know why I put up with you.

Pick up, pick up...

Cute hair!

Sh*t. Voicemail.

I just found your blue folder.

The one with all the notes in it.

I'm on the way to the hotel, right now.

Go.

Sorry, sorry.

Ladies, gentlemen,

today we are given an opportunity

to help mankind.

- Excuse me, sir.

- Yes?

Could you please take this folder

into the conference room for me?

My... Mr. Wyndham's expecting it.

I'm sorry, Miss, but that's

against hotel policy.

But he could lose his job.

That's tragic.

But alas, not my problem.

God, even when you guys are nasty

it sounds polite.

Now, in terms of your investments...

sh*t. Briefcase is open.

I have to go in.

Excuse me for interrupting,

Mr. Wyndham.

This is for you, I just thought that

you might need the exact same folder

you already have.

I see.

Okay, well...

False alarm. Terribly sorry.

I just thought... I just wanted to make

sure you... he had everything he needed.

Because he worked so hard on it.

I mean, really dedicated...

and he deserves for this

to all go perfectly.

Not like this.

This is my fault. Me.

So anyway, really nice to

meet all of you.

You were right, they really are

a serious-looking bunch.

In a good way.

So, in conclusion...

Ian's good. Give him the money.

See you later.

So, move on, shall we?

I forgot my purse.

He already had the folder.

Take this folder.

I never want to see it again.

- I think that went well.

- Did it?

Yeah, the glaring, the awkwardness.

The cold stare from Ian.

Just what I was hoping for.

I think I talked too much.

You? Come on, let's go to work.

There's a guy there who loves

your delightfully impulsive nature.

I can't do it. I'm bad.

Come here.

You are not bad.

Do you know why?

Because if you were bad, then that

would mean I was a bad teacher...

and in fact

I am a fabulous teacher, right?

Hence, you couldn't

possibly be bad.

You've got a point.

Come on.

Let's all play together.

You're ready?

One, two, three...

Did you land the money then?

I had them, I had them

in the palm of my hand.

I can't believe Samantha pulled

that stunt right after...

She spent all morning being peeved

at me for 'not being in the moment'

or some such bollocks.

All birds are like that.

Yeah, especially the yanks.

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