If You Could Only Cook Page #7

Stick 'em up. Didn't you hear the boss?

Come on, stick 'em up, fancy pants.

You putting them up or ain't you?

Yes.

Stick 'em up.

Hiya, James.

-What's the meaning...

-Shut up.

James, you're going

on a little honeymoon with us.

-You'll find the wedding presents...

-Shut up.

He's the only present we want.

Come on, Jamesie.

Well, do something, can't you?

-I'm open to any suggestions...

-Come on, get going.

Come on.

I got a car spotted out back.

-I'll get everything ready.

-Okay.

Get 'em up! Get 'em up!

In one way, boys, I don't mind this at all.

-But I would like to know...

-Relax, Romeo.

We're just going to take you for a little ride.

Hey, Flash, here comes the boss.

-It's off.

-What?

The rubout is off. It's going to be a grab.

-A grab?

-That's all.

-Take him to my house.

-Gee, this job gets pleasanter every minute.

-Come on, get going, quick.

-Okay. Come on.

Pull down the shade.

-Boss...

-I got a car.

Get in my car. Come on, quick.

How much do you want?

We may as well get this over fast.

In a hurry to get back to the blushing bride?

Well, I can't say I relish this company.

And I don't relish yours.

But the boss wants to see you.

He's funny that way.

Come on. Stop moping. Speed it up.

Sorry, buddy, but you can't get away with it.

What do you mean, I can't get away with it?

Look, up in the city they have an ordinance

against unnecessary noise.

The cans, they've got to come off.

-Do I have to?

-Yeah, come on. We'll give you a hand.

Now don't, darling, please.

Come on, honeybunch,

put your head on daddy's shoulder.

Don't, darling. Please don't.

Come on, honeybunch, let me see you smile.

Attagirlie.

Now, sugarplum,

put your head on daddy's shoulder.

That's the girlie.

Now give popsie-wopsie a itty-bitty kiss.

Okay, boys, take her away.

I hope all your troubles are little ones.

I'll arrange the details.

Well, just in time for a little wedding?

All you got to do to save your hide

is to say "l do" in the right places.

-Am I marrying somebody?

-No cracks.

-May I ask...

-You ask nothing.

I'm running the whole works.

Boys, bring him in. Come on.

Hello, cookie. The chief wants to see you

in the living room.

-What for?

-I wouldn't know. You'll be surprised.

These three are my boys,

Al, Swig and Chesty.

The groom's in here.

-That's one of my boys, Pete.

-Hello, Pete.

-And the groom.

-Where's the bride?

-I'm mildly interested myself.

-Hey, pipe it down, you.

Hey, Mike, the bride.

Rossini, you're a genius.

I couldn't have planned this better myself.

Thanks, old man.

Hey, Pete, keep him covered.

Maybe he'll try to pull a fast one on us.

What'd you come back for?

Our blessings and congratulations

on your marriage?

But he couldn't be married, my dear,

without a bride.

That's where you come in! You're the bride.

It seems the bride wasn't consulted.

Didn't I tell you I'd fix this thing up?

Here's your man

and there's the justice of the peace

and we're here to see that it comes off

without a hitch. Now, let's get going.

So I'm the bride? Well, isn't that lovely?

Didn't it occur to anyone

to consult me about this?

Well, it's all right with you, ain't it?

You told me you loved him.

-She did?

-Hey, what's the big idea, sister?

-Trying to give us the runaround?

-You just don't understand.

I'm not in love with him.

He's James Buchanan.

I was talking to you about Jim Burns.

Who's goofy now?

Jim Burns is his phony handle.

Sure. Jim Burns and James Buchanan

is the same man.

Not to me.

He isn't the man I was talking to you about.

-Well, what are you going to do now?

-I'm going to have a drink.

-I need it.

-Ditto.

Come on, boys. Have a little drink.

Come on, drink it.

-Have a little bit, sir?

-No.

Gentlemen. Gentlemen!

It's very bad policy to drink

when you have business to attend to.

Well, I have no business, I'm through.

Go on home.

No. You're far from through.

On the contrary, you're only just beginning.

Somebody's got to find me a bride.

You heard her say she didn't want you.

Now scram.

Well, I guess I'll just wait

until the police come.

-The police?

-What do you mean, police?

You gentlemen seem to have forgotten.

I've been snatched away

from in front of 350 people.

Fortunately, my friend Bob knows

where I am.

When the police arrive, I shall have

to tell them I've been held here by force.

It's a federal offense, gentlemen.

I think they string people up

for such peccadilloes nowadays.

-You can't do that.

-We ain't holding you here.

I doubt whether the police will believe that.

-What do you expect us to do?

-Find me another bride.

I told you my mind is set

on getting married today.

-You're crazy.

-I know, but I still want to get married.

You've dragged me away from one wedding,

now you'll have to furnish me with another.

We can't do nothing. She don't want you.

I'm afraid you'll have to convince her, boys,

you'll just have to convince her.

If you can't...

Please, Joan, you've got to do it for me.

He ain't a bad guy.

Won't you please marry him?

No, I won't. I'm going away from here.

Open the door, please.

Let's talk this thing over sensible. Please.

Well, how are you doing, boys?

-Well, she don't want no part of you.

-And I don't blame her.

What's the idea of

palming yourself off as a butler

and busting the girl's heart?

I bust her heart?

Look what she's doing to me.

The only reason I stayed here so long

was because I loved her.

-But you're too late.

-I'm not late at all.

You get her to marry me or I'll turn

the bunch of you over to the police.

You think you will?

You know what we do to squealers?

You can't frighten me.

Before the cops get here,

you'll be a dead herring.

Is that so? Well, go ahead and fire away.

You don't think we mean business?

Well, let him have it, boys.

No!

-I guess that'll hold you.

-I didn't believe it.

Oh, my darling! Darling!

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