Igor Page #7

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a secret passage!

Darn it Brain,

there's no

secret passage!

It's over.

(GRATING)

I'm sorry,

you were saying?

Technically,

it's a secret

staircase.

Welcome! To you end the

milllons of viewers

around the globe!

They come from

all corners.

And just look at them.

They're all worried

sick about one thing,

world peace.

Well, tonight, it's

within their grasp.

And it has but a small

price, and that prlce

is $100 billlon.

(CROWD CHEERING)

And I, for one

I think they

can do it.

And if they

don't well,

the Evil Invention

last standing will be

unleashed on the world.

Ah! It'd just be too

horrible to imagine.

(GRUNTING)

Where are we?

BRAIN:
And why

am I panting?

I don't have lungs.

The tower of the

King's castle. Look,

there's the Killiseum.

BRAIN:
Wow, I don't

know what it is,

but I want one!

It's the beacon

of evil on top of

the royal castle.

Wait. Is it a beacon?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where are you going?

And bring me

back a toy!

(IGOR PANTING)

(INHALES)

Ah!

(RUMBLING)

The King's beacon s

really a weather ray.

King Malbert is making

the storm clouds

KING MALBERT:
So, cltizens

of the world, I beseech you...

He lied to us.

... call the number

on the bottom

of your screens.

Yes, right there.

You need to give, just

like we need to be evil.

You need to be evil.

I know my choreography,

lfthat's what you mean.

I think you need to go

deeper. Have you ever

done anything evil?

No.

Well, then how

can you play

it truthfully?

You know you can't

get this part if

you fake it.

Hit me

What?

Hit me.

I could never

hit anyone.

Oh, my God

Oh, my God

Oh, my God!

Igor was right.

You are not

an actress.

Yes, I am.

Oh, no, you're not

No wonder he chose

Heidi.

I mean, you know,

she s beautiful

and you are not.

She has got talent

and you do not.

Don't you say that

Look at you

You are pathetic!

No, I'm not!

Yes, you are!

You're just a

big, freaky...

And here it is

baby. Buckle up,

here it comes

You are an ugly monster!

You couldn't act your

way out of a...

Ah

(SCREAMING)

(SNARLS)

We've got Annie!

(LAUGHS EVILLY)

Malarians,

let's get evil

(LAUGHING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

What? You're gonna

lower yourself down?

You've got your job

I've got mine

I'm coming, Eva!

And bring me

back a toy!

(SIGHS)

(EXCLAIMS)

(SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Phew!

That was close.

(LAUGHING)

(CREAKING)

He s okay! He's...

Oh!

(SCREAMING)

I'm coming, Eva.

CROWD:
Pull the switch!

(CHEERING)

CARL CRISTALL:

And here comes this

year's Evil Inventions!

(ALL GASPING)

(ROARING)

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

(ROARS)

CARL CRISTALL:

Whet a menagerie of

mayhem-lovlng monstrosities.

(GASPING)

Take a good look, world,

any of these could

be coming for you!

Only one Evll Inventlon left.

Time for

my crowning

achievement.

Pull the switch!

That's Dr. Schadenfreude's

invention?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Eva?

Let the battle begin

No.

(SINGING) The sun'll come out

Tomorrow

CARL CRISTALL:
Hold on!

What's this? It's fighting.

Bet your bottom dollar

that tomorrow

CARL CRISTALL:
And winning!

There'll be sun!

Let me through!

Let me through!

I made her!

You made her?

Hey, here is

the genius Igor that

made her

Just thinking about

Tomorrow

Clears away the cobwebs

And the sorrow

Till there's none

Eva! Eva!

(GROANING)

CARL CRISTALL:

And wait! An Igor

has entered the arena.

I just stick out

my chin and grin

CARL CRISTALL:
Don't worry,

folks, he'll be dead soon.

Oh!

She's almost at

her big finish!

And if we donit

destroy this weather

ray, it's really over

(GRUNTING)

(SINGING) The sun'll

come out tomorrow

So you gotta hang on

CARL CRISTALL:
Leave

it to Schadenfreude,

destroying his enemies

with a giant glrl

in a red dress.

(GIGGLES)

I can't believe

Schadenfreude

did it again

What are you doing

in the King's box,

Schoddy?

I was about to

ask you the same

question, Malby.

Malby? What's the

meaning of this?

This means you're

through. Or should

I say "overthrown"?

(SCREAMING)

Hey, you

unhand him.

He's your new king.

(CHUCKLES)

And if you have

a problem with that

please take it up

with the head of my

complaint department,

who's the big

monster over there.

(ROARING)

BOTH:
Majesty.

There's gotta

be a faster way to

demolish this thing!

We're all going to

die! Except you!

Oh, yeah

(SCREAMING)

(ALL EXCLAIM)

(SINGING) Tomorrow

Tomorrow

I love ya

(RUMBLING)

Tomorrow

She's going to take

this whole place apart.

You're always a day...

Wait! This isn't you

I did create

you to be evil.

I'm sorry I lied

to you I lied to

you about everything.

(ROARS)

It's just a role.

You don't have

to play it.

(CACKLING)

Yes, she does!

You're an Igor.

She's an Evil Invention!

No. Everyone has

an Evil Bone in

their body,

but we choose whether

or not to use it.

(ROARING)

And as someone

I love once said,

"It's better to be

a good nobody than

an evil somebody."

(ALL GASPING)

(SPITS)

(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

(SIGHS)

I'm not evil.

I'm Eva.

(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

That is the

correct answer.

Igor, I felt like

I was in a dark,

horrible place.

We all were.

Wait! What's happening?

The end of Malaria's

evil role in the world.

Camera 2!

Oh! Excellent.

Thank you!

For generations,

Klng Malbert has

kept us in the dark

by creeting the clouds

with a weather ray!

He lied to usl

(EXCLAIMING)

We trusted him

and he lied to us.

He tricked us into

thinking we needed

to be evll to survive!

But we don't!

None of us do.

(CROWD BOOING)

This is outrageous!

He has no proof!

Where's his proof?

I demand to see proof!

I demand to see...

(EXCLAIMING)

(CRASHING)

Oops!

(EXCLAIMS IN NONCHALANCE)

I'm sure he's fine

Long live King

Schadenfreude!

Everybody!

King Malbert

the liar is dead!

Long live King

Schadenfreude!

Everybody say,

"Long live..."

(SCREAMS)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Well, that was

a short reign.

Hey, fellas,

I'm single again!

No more pills

They can't see what

I really look like.

(GROANS)

My evil days

are over!

From here on out,

all evil doings

will be handled

by my manager/boyfriend.

(CROWD CHEERING)

CROWD:
Eva! Eva! Eva!

Eva Eva! Eva!

President Igor,

now that you're

in charge,

will pants continue

to be as expensive

and uncomfortable

as they were under the

previous administration?

What? What? No.

Everything is

about pants.

Why is everything

about pants with you?

There you have it.

Another politician

afraid to answer

the tough, pants-related

questions of Carl Cristall.

Pickles. Old fam ly

recipe. Pickles.

Cocoas! Strudel!

(YODELING)

Mmm-hmm!

Yuck!

Pick me up at 7:
00.

I'm gonna go home

and shave.

Hey, Scamper,

have you seen

Eva?

No. Go away.

Hans, you're wearing

this backwards. What

are you? Blind?

Let's switch

this around.

So, what do you do?

I'm a genius. What

do you do, mister?

I'm sorry I'm late.

I left your opening

night gift back

at the lab

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