Igor Page #6

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No.

Good,

because that

would be pathetic.

I can give you

everything you

have ever wanted.

I think I need to go.

Look, the Evil

Science Fair is

in a few hours

You're either with

me or against me

Yes or no?

(GRUNTING)

I take that as a no.

(POWERING UP)

What are you going

to do now, smart guy?

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh!

(EXCLAIMS)

DR. SCHADENRREUDE: No!

(COUGHING)

Frederick!

DR. SCHADENRREUDE'S IGOR:

Frederick! Why are

you swimming?

You just ate

DR. SCHADENRREUDE:

Get off of me,

you buffoon!

(PANTING)

(SQUEAKING)

SCAMPER:
Okay,

we finished

your costume.

I just hope it's

cinched enough

at the waist.

Obviously, if I

had more time, I would

have made it flare out

a little bit more

over the knees.

Stop touching it, Brain,

I'm creating a look here.

You guys are my friends.

So, you'll tell me

the truth, right?

SCAMPER:
Yeah, sure.

Do you think

I'm pretty?

Brain get me

a tub of eye-liner,

a pound of lipstick,

and if all else fails,

the severed head

of a supermodel.

DR. SCHADENFREUDE'S IGOR:

Okay, the Jacuzzi is not a

bathroom. I know that now.

(COUGHING)

Please, please take

your own sweet time!

I'm loving it here!

Oh, really?

Well, then maybe you

should stay down there

with your Igor,

poopshkin!

You know something?

He's a good listener,

he's got soft hands, and

unlike you, he sometimes

shaves his legs!

(SIGHS)

(GRUNTS)

Wait.

No kissing Heidi

Or do you like me

better as Heidi?

Hmm. Jaclyn, Heidi,

Jaclyn, Heidi.

(SCREAMS)

It would be

really swell

if you didn t go

psycho- girlfriend

on me right now.

I'm not psycho!

Obviously not.

How would you feel

lf every day you had to

be 13 differentt people?

I'm Jaclyn,

your girlfriend.

Then I'm

Dr. Nachtmahr's

girlfriend.

Then I'm

Dr. Groaner's

girlfriend.

All for you!

To help you

steal inventions

year after year!

And I still say those

stolen pills were the

best invention yet.

Well, this time they

really paid off.

Guess what Mommy

found out about our

favorite little monster?

Or should I say

actress?

Oh.

Eva!

Eva! Eva!

Just breathe. Okay.

Center yourself

on the body

(SIGHS)

I'm ready for

my close- up,

Mr. Director.

Oh, no, this isn't happen ng.

Act graceful. Act graceful.

Keep smiling

(SCREAMING)

(THUDDING)

Too close?

No. Eva, you look...

You look beautiful

Oh this is

such a clich,

the leading lady

falling for her

director

Well, you're not

used to high heels

Oh, you mean...

Our work here

is done.

Our work?

You spent the entire

time playing with

a piece of ribbon.

(LAUGHING)

(GROANS)

Eva, about the audition,

I think I've given you

the wrong direction.

But I feel

so prepared

No, I've been trying

to make you play a role

that you're not right for.

What?

I have to tell

you the truth.

(HEIDI YODELING)

(HEIDI YELLS)

(GROANS) Heidi.

I'll just be

a minute.

Oh, Igor. Ow!

My ankle.

It twisted like

the pretzel, Igor!

DR. SCHADENRREUDE:

Enchanting.

Thank you. And

who are you?

Someone who does

not want your unique

gifts to go to waste.

(GASPS)

Are you a talent agent?

I was so deep

down worried

that when you opened

the card I thought

I lost you forever.

Heidi, I need to

tell you something.

I don't know

what it is,

but I feel like for

the first time

in my life,

I'm seeing a real Igor.

And I think I'm

in love with him.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

Wow, when it

rains, it pours

No, no.

Igor is a liar.

He does this...

Igor would never

lie to me. Igor

cares about me.

Cares?

He doesn't care.

Because he built

you to be a weapon.

No, no, no,

you re wrong.

He'I never look

at you and see

a woman.

All he will ever

see is a monster.

I don't believe you.

Open your eyes.

Igor has someone

else in mind for

your role.

(MUFFLED) Heidi, no!

(IGOR GRUNTING)

There's nothing

more for you here.

Come with me.

I will make

you a star

No.

Oh!

What s wrong?

I can t believe

I'm saying this, but

I've made someone else

Huh?

I mean, I've met someone

else, who I made.

It's complicated.

Wait a minute.

You're rejecting me?

I'm sorry.

Forthat big

bumpy thing?

How do you

know about...

I mean, this isn't

even the sexiest me,

but come on! Look at you.

You're hideous.

You really are.

And I kissed you!

Ugh! Yuck!

Um...

(GASPS)

You're a monster.

And as we know,

monsters only

exist to be used.

(SIGHS)

(GASPS)

Schadenfreude!

Eva

KING MALBERT:

Seize him

Where's Glickenstein?

And before

you answer,

you should know

that someone

sent me this!

(SLURRING)

Your Highness,

he's dead.

And he didn't

invent life,

did he?

No.

(GRUNTING)

I did.

(SNICKERING)

An Igor inventing...

Silence!

Hunchy invented

life, eh?

Well, where is it?

It's a she,

and I think

someone's taken her.

Well, if she comes back,

we'll just tell her

where to find you

In the Igor

recycllng plant!

No! Please

No! No!

Eva, where are you?

Eva

Eva

(IGOR YELLING)

CARL CRISTALL:
Lock your doors

end hide your loved ones.

It's the ennual

Evil Science Fair!

I'm Carl Cristall

and I m coming to

you live, invisible

and totally au naturel!

Fans are taking

their seats, includlng

King Malbert himself!

Don't touch me!

CARL CRISTALL:
Meanwhile,

the scientists are in

their locker rooms,

prepping their

Evil Inventions!

(RUMBLING)

Here we are.

A dressing room fit

for a leading lady.

(CROWD CHEERING)

EVA:
Wow,

listen to that.

How many girls

are audtioning

for this project?

(BAND PLAYING)

I'm gonna go

save him.

Wait.

Look, maybe I 'm

not a genius, okay.

But I know one thing,

I have to try

No, I was gonna say,

"Wait, I'm comlng

with you."

On three.

One.

Hey! No fair

(BRAIN WHOOPING)

(SCAMPER SCREAMING)

(CLANKS)

What are you

doing here?

We're here to

rescue you!

I don't want

to be rescued.

I'm an Igor.

And this is what

happens to us.

Figures, just when

I decided I want

to live...

Don't peek.

Don't worry.

I hope I can still

do a decent audltion

without Igor's help.

Trust me, I'm the one

who's gonna bring

out the real you.

SCAMPER:
This

isn't you Igor.

Where is all that stupid

optimism and annoying

can-do attitude?

I tried to be someone

different, but the

world wouldn't let me.

Don't you want to go

after Eva and save her

from Schadenfreude?

Are you actually

trying to hypnotize

me Brain?

Yes!

But if that's not

working, then how

about this?

Ow!

Eva needs you

and you're the

only hunchback

that can stand tall

and fight for her.

Brain, that may be

the smartest thing

you've ever said.

Reach, Brain!

Reach!

(STRAINING)

You should have

built me with

a longer arm.

Huh?

Huh?

What? Like this is the

first time I've gnawed

my own feet off.

(ALARM BLARING)

Who says rabbits'

feet are lucky?

(PANTING)

BRAIN:
Wheels,

don't fail me now!

(EXCLAIMS)

Wheels failed me!

Wheels failed me!

BRAIN:
We went that way!

What are you doing?

Looking for the

secret passage!

There's a ways

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