Ill Manors Page #5

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For such a while

I just don't know

That the path I take

Is somethin' I can change

But what gets in my way

Is the deepest shame

Is the deepest shame...

What do you think of that, boss?

You like it?

Yeah. How much?

- 20.

- No, that's too expensive.

You know what? F*** it.

10 and a kebab, yeah?

Bring her through, man.

Come here!

What's the matter?

Are you shy now, hm?

Get the f*** in there, man!

Where's my money, man?

Take her through, man.

Where's the money, boss?

And where's my kebab?

Yo! Come through, bruv!

You hungry?

- Eat up, bruv.

- Yeah, I'll eat.

What, man?

- You're gonna feed my friend, yeah?

- Give me a doner kebab, yeah?

- Doner kebab.

- Yeah. Chilli, mayo, a bit of onion.

Chilli, mayo and onions.

There's 800 here. There's meant

to be a grand. There's four of us.

There's five.

Jake!

- You've gotta be kiddin' me.

- Yeah.

(Shouting and laughter)

Give that to them two.

Jake! Get in the front seat, man.

(Laughter)

Ci, yo! Yo!

Where you goin'? How the f***

am I supposed to get home?

(Shouting)

(Dog barks in the distance)

(Engine stops)

You like how we roll, yeah?

Yeah, definitely, man.

You see that P today?

That's nothing.

We make that every day.

More. Triple that.

You ready to roll, yeah?

It's not no d*ckhead ting.

Obviously, man.

I'm down to ride in that. No brainer, innit?

You're my older.

I'll do anything for you, innit?

Yeah. So you're down, yeah?

Definitely, man.

Open the glove compartment.

(Whispers) Oh, that is somethin'.

Don't just stare at it. Pick it up.

Pick it up!

Hold that.

You feel that, yeah?

That's power.

You know who lives there?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

I want you to do something. You on it?

On it, man. I'll do anything, man.

I'll just go in there

and give them the gun straight.

Give him the gun?

I want you to put a f***ing bullet

in his head, not give him the gun!

Are you gonna do it?

I don't even know

if I'm gonna be able to do that.

What do you mean you dunno

if you're gonna be able to do that?

What the f*** do you think this is?

You think you can roll round with me all day

and then when sh*t gets deep,

you wanna duck out?

What so you can run and tell

your pussyhole bredrens what I do?

You know what I'm about, bruv!

Yeah?

Go in there

and put a f***in' bullet in his head,

or am I gonna have

to f***in' put one in you?

That hurts.

I don't f***in' care if it hurts!

Are you gonna do it?

Talk to me, bruv!

Are you gonna do it?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

(Pants)

F***in' put that on!

Hurry up!

Put the ting on, man!

Look at me!

Take the ting, nuh?

Take the ting!

Don't worry about the food. Hurry up!

(Marcel) 'Go in...

'Go in there...

'Go in there

and put a f***in' bullet in his head!

'Bullet in his head.

'Or am I...

'Am I gonna to have

to f***in' put one in you?'

(Gunshot)

(Gunshot and screaming)

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

(Doorbell rings)

(Whispers) For f***'s sake.

Oh, sh*t!

- Hello, girls!

- (Girl 2) You all right?

Or should I say "ladies"? Look at you!

Yeah, go through.

Make yourself at home.

You got a nice place, don't ya?

- Have trouble geftin' here?

- No, not at all.

It's a bit dirty. I had my mate clean it up.

We was partyin' last night.

Anyway, what can I get you to drink?

- I got... I've got some vodka.

- I'll have a vodka.

- Do you want orange with it?

- Yeah, I'll have it with orange.

- And you? Vodka?

- Just water.

- Sure?

- Yeah.

I don't think I've got any ice.

Is that all right?

- (Both) Yeah.

- Yeah? All right.

This guy's house, bruv.

I don't even wanna be here.

Look at this boozy gaff!

And you're telling me this is the guy?

This is the guy

that discovered Naomi Campbell?

He did not discover her. His bredren did.

What's wrong with you?

So you're tellin' me

his bredren's comin' here to see us?

- Why would he lie to us?

- Why would he lie?

Cos he's a f***ing crackhead!

That's why he'd lie!

- You're always gassed!

- I'm telling you!

Drinky-poos.

All right.

- You all right, yeah? Here. Vodka.

- Thank you.

Tell me if it's too strong,

or you want a bit more orange.

- Water for you, the lightweight!

- Yep, the lightweight!

- What you tryin' to say?

- You're right there!

You're cryin' like a pussyhole! That's

why people think you're a d*ckhead!

- All right! F*** it! Give me a drink.

- Go on then!

- Have my one. Have my one.

- Thanks.

(indistinct chatting)

- What's goin' on?

- What's happenin', Ed?

How's things?

What's that?

Were you smacked by a midget?

- What's happened?

- You want one, too?

I'll bash you one. Yeah?

- Do you want a drink?

- Funny c*nt!

- Do you want a drink?

- What do you think of that over there?

- Yeah, I see her come in earlier.

- Who is that? Your lady?

Got two funny c*nts, haven't we?

Morecambe and f***in' Wise, innit?

Pricks. Listen... What do you fancy?

Hm? You wanna go?

What, are you workin' her then,

are ya?

Listen, I'm tryin' to get in and out

of here as quick as f***in' possible.

Well, cut to the chase.

What do you want for it?

- A pinkie each?

- Behave yourself!

- You're havin' a laugh, ain't ya?

- That's pro f***in' meat there, bruv.

- Fillet of f***in' steak.

- Yeah, right!

- Spare ribs!

- Tesco f***in' Value!

(Laughter)

Fellas, I wanna get out of here. I'm tired.

I've had a long f***in' day, all right?

All right. I'll give you a bull's-eye

for both of us. Yeah?

- That's how it is, yeah?

- A bull's-eye for a dog.

All right, mate.

F*** it. Come here.

- Well, go on.

- Come here!

You like them, do ya?

(Mutters and whispers)

So where's Nigel?

Yeah, where's this Nigel

gonna make a model then, yeah?

He'll be here in a little while.

He's a busy man.

So... you know he's here there

and everywhere, but he will be here.

(Doorbell rings)

Could be him!

Ooh, Nigel!

- Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it.

- Whatever, Jody.

- (Man 6) I'm lookin' for my phone.

- Nah. It ain't 'ere.

I had Kurt clean the place up earlier,

because we partied last night, didn't we?

- For f***'s sake!

- So, you know...

I left it in here or on the table

in the kitchen.

Look at these ladies. Sit down. Listen!

F***in'...

It had all my work numbers in it, mate!

F***'s sake!

- And you've looked everywhere?

- Yeah!

- You got any gear?

- Yeah.

- Are you Nigel?

- Yeah?

'Who?

'Nigel?

The modeling scout

that discovered all the top models.

He's meant to be here tonight.

(Coughs) Do I look like someone

who mucks about with models?

Nah. Nah, love. I'm Terry.

Well, I'm Chanel

and this is my girl Jody, innit?

- You all right?

- All right? Yeah.

- Is that crack?

- Oi, don't ask about that sh*t, bruv!

- Can I try some?

- Yeah, course you can.

Can you try some?

Am I a d*ckhead?

Why you going all stupid for?

Cos you bring me here

to meet some guy "Nigel"

that ain't even f***in' here, yeah.

And now you wanna do crack.

Am I a prick?

I just wanna try a bit, innit?

- If your brother knew you was here!

- Shut up!

- Who's your brother?

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