Immigration Tango

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[Mambo music playing]

[Pray For Rain singing

Baila Dineroin Spanish]

You're too beautiful

to wake.

I heard that.

You were speaking

in Russian.

What were you dreaming?

About you.

It would have been

in Spanish.

I dreamt I went back home

as an American.

I was with my family,

and they were all asking

about United States.

We were all very happy.

I made you some coffee.

Oh, it's so hot

for coffee, Carlos.

And I also made you

breakfast in bed.

Gracias, mi amor.

But I know something that

it's not too hot for, ever.

Do you know? Hmm?

[Alarm clock ringing]

You know what

I'm talking about?

Dej? Me sola!

Qu? Carajo!

Elena.

VANESSA BEGGS:

# You came to me #

# From far away

across the sea #

# I must concede

I now believe in destiny?

[Alarm clock buzzing]

# The facts agree #

# That we were simply

meant to be #

# It sounds nutty,

but I believe in destiny?

[Gasps]

What time is it?

Uh, it's almost 9:00.

How long were you at it?

Last time I looked,

it was almost 5:
00.

I know.

I'm obsessing a little.

A little?

Okay, a lot.

But everything is riding

on this mock trial.

If I flunk, the only

thing I have to show

for the last five years

of my life

is a student loan

that rivals

the debt load of

a Third World country.

Stop worrying

about it.

You'll pass.

I have to pee.

Can I have some privacy,

please?

Okay.

You were supposed

to wake me up early.

I did.

9:
15.

That's early.

You were supposed

to get me out of bed,

not get in bed with me.

Hey, I can't help it if

I find you irresistible.

Weren't you supposed

to meet this guy

about managing his restaurant

this morning?

Olv? Dete.

Qu? Vas a ir?

Bueno.

Yo tengo raz? N.

I'm listening.

Actually, I'm not.

I'm late.

I'm gonna go get a real job,

one that pays the rent

on this boat.

I have a job.

Yeah, one that pays

minimum wage, no benefits.

Elena, I'm not management

material, okay?

I don't even own a tie.

I'm an artist, a chef.

That kind of job would

choke the life out of me.

What if you

get sick or hurt?

I won't.

You work in the kitchen

with fire, knives.

You'll take care of me.

You're impossible.

You're beautiful.

What do you think?

Good for an American company?

I would hire you

just to stare at you

all day long.

Wish me good luck.

Good luck.

Nice ass.

I need coffee,

Xanax, something.

Stress is

driving me crazy.

Easy for you to stay,

Mr. Full Ride Scholarship.

I got lucky.

It's not my fault

that I was

the only person

who applied

for that fellowship.

And to have parents that pay

your share of the rent.

It's a loan.

I'm gonna pay 'em back

when I get my PhD.

You know that.

What year might that be?

Ho. I resent that.

I'm sorry, honey.

How long have you been working

on this thesis now?

This dissertation?

[Laughs]

Yeah, it's not

about getting it done

by a deadline, but

getting it done well,

presenting

the English sonnet

in relation to

its form and history.

Must be hard to work up heat

for 14th-century novels.

[Laughs] You know what?

I agree with you.

Um, around here,

it's been hard

to work up anything,

period.

Ouch.

Well, what was the

last time we made love?

It will get better when I

getthrough this semester.

I feel like I heard that

last semester.

I'll make it up to you.

I promise.

Yeah?

By the way,

we need clean towels.

No, no. You're

laundry this week.

Mmm.

Until the 15th, I'm groceries,

garbage, dry cleaning,

and you are laundry,

cleaning and bills.

JOEY HOLLAND:

# Another world goes round

# Doesn't make a sound #

# Round and round and round?

# Doesn't make a sound #

[Telephone rings]

I have to be honest with you.

We're looking for someone

with more real-world experience.

I've got a very long list

of people outside that door

who are overly qualified

to fill this position.

I'm a very fast learner,

willing to try

or do anything.

I'd like to believe

that's true.

I'm sorry.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

It's okay.

[Beep beep]

[Telephone rings]

Yes, sir?

ELENA:
Uh, please stop!

MAN:
Come on.

Why don't you show me

how grateful you can be?

Are your tits real?

What? This is none

of your business.

I'm sure none of you

foreign brides wear underwear.

Get your hands off me!

I'm warning you.

Ohh! Ohh! [Coughing]

Sh*t.

MAN:
Ow.

[Coughing]

[Muttering]

Disgraceful.

What's going on here?

I can explain.

You're fired.

The death of Mrs. Conner

was no accident.

Ladies and gentlemen

of the jury,

Mr. Conner wanted,

simply and plainly,

to punish

his philandering wife.

He chose murdering her

as her ultimate punishment.

# Though I don't know you?

# I know #

# Know that it's true #

# You're out there waiting

Hi, Betty.

It's me.

You're probably in class.

Not important.

Just call me when you can, okay?

# Sing it for me, do #

# Just like I #

# Sing it for you #

# And when I open

my heart, it's #

# It's like it's

never enough #

# Or it's never too much,

oh #

# 'Cause I've forgotten

what it feels like... #

I'm sorry I called.

Betty didn't pick up.

It's okay. I don't mind.

Um, so did you tell

Carlos?

God, no.

He'll kill the creep.

# You're out there waitin'

I feel like such an idiot.

I was so prepared.

I researched the company.

I was so confident,

and then there was a moment

when I realized

if this is what it takes

for me to stay in this country,

then I'll do it.

The guy

should be arrested.

Are you sure you don't

want to call the cops?

I'm a Russian immigrant with

three weeks left on my visa.

What are they gonna do?

Maybe I should kick

the crap out of him.

[Laughs]

Yeah, I like that.

I've been to 14 interviews

since I graduated.

No one wants to sponsor

foreigners anymore.

Who cares if your visa's

not good? Just stay.

Millions of people

do it every year.

No.

I won't stay

if I'm not wanted.

[Winces]

[Dials]

Yeah, give me

Immigration.

[Whistling]

Howard!

[Resumes whistling]

Get here

a little faster, buddy.

Come on. Grab that one, too.

[Claps hands]

I've never been so

humiliated in my life,

not even in Moscow,

where you expect men

to act like pigs.

Well, Elena,

you have legal options.

You don't have to let him

get away with this.

He's only a symptom.

I just don't

have status.

That's the problem.

You're smart and ambitious.

You will find a sponsor.

In three weeks?

I know people who've been

looking for anything

that pays for months.

Way to be supportive,

darlin'.

I'm just

being honest with her.

Ha ha! I made this

specially for you.

Seared monkfish in a wild

mushroom broth. Enjoy it.

Smells so good.

Mmm. This is

better than sex.

Well, maybe you

shouldn't have any.

[Giggles]

Mmm.

Enjoy.

This is great, man,

five star.

Thanks, man.

You are

a true artist, Carlos.

It is what I was born

to do, to give pleasure.

Enjoy it, okay?

Thank you.

I'll see you guys

at closing.

You didn't tell him,

did you?

No, only that

I didn't get the job.

You know Carlos.

He'll do

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