In a World... Page #4

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because I was... I

was cooking a...

What?

I was cooking a sandwich bar.

A sandwich bar?

Yep. For dinner. I was cooking

a sandwich bar. You know.

Cold cuts and rolls

and mustards.

No. I think I gotta stay.

They want me to help out with

some corporate thing tonight.

Oh, great! I mean, whatever. No.

We'll just do a sandwich bar another

night. I mean, it's so easy.

- Okay. Bye.

- Bye.

Hello, shower friend!

Hello! I'm shower ready!

It's right over there.

In the bathroom.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

What?

Do you need help with anything?

No. I'm good. I've

got it from here.

There's a tricky

hot-and-cold ratio thing.

So if you get into a jam.

If you get into a "jam,"

just holler, or, you know.

- Hey!

- Hi!

Are you okay?

Pippa's naked in the shower.

- Who?

- Pippa.

- Why?

- Her pipes need cleaning.

You look like you swallowed a

frog. What's wrong with you?

What is this? PB & J? Nice.

Yeah. It's peanut

butter and jam.

Dani's not coming home for

dinner, so I thought...

Who cares? I just texted her that she

doesn't have to do Mission Ireland

because the vocal coaching

is temporarily on hiatus.

Why?

Oh, because I just got offered

another children's movie trailer

and I just came from an audition where

I might be the voice of Sunny Delight!

Dude! Wow! You're cleaning

up is what, sister!

Wow! Did you tell your dad?

No, but I will.

- Sunny D!

- Yeah.

You're always taking care of me, so I am

thrilled to be able to return the favor.

Well, it is my job to

get you what you want.

Darling, you don't get me what I

want, you get me what I ask for.

I'm sure what I want

would make you blush.

Really? You're funny.

That's funny. Okay.

Setting it out right here.

One-two, one-two.

I think it's working.

Okay, sorry, first question.

What makes you laugh?

That's an odd question.

Sorry. My sister's strange.

I'm definitely going. Mimi and

I need to have post-party sex.

Come on. Are you serious?

You hate Gustav, why would

you go to his party?

A few more like that, Carlos.

Rape him for his

open bar, idiot.

Yeah, I have enough

beer at home, thanks.

Besides, I don't have a date.

You don't have a date. You're

not supposed to go with a date.

You're supposed to

leave with a date.

That's the point. What

is this, the '50s?

Okay.

Well, I feel safer

with the buddy system.

Don't act like those parties aren't

the worst. A voice over party?

I'm tired of waiting for the bathroom

and hearing the voice of Cialis

hitting on the Virgin

America message-hold girl.

I'm not going to beg

you to go, man.

Ask Carol.

What?

You should ask Carol

to the party.

Really?

- Yeah.

- Wow, okay.

I think that's probably the single worst

idea you ever had, Cher. Nice one.

- Hello.

- Hey. You busy?

- No, I'm just leaving this

audition thing. - Cool, cool.

Hey, so listen, I was calling

'cause I was just wondering

if you had any

plans for tonight.

For like... Like to just...

For what?

There's this thing,

just this party thing.

- Oh, what, the Gustav party?

- Yeah, totally lame, right?

I'm obviously not going...

- I'm actually going. - I mean, I

might go, but I don't wanna go.

So are you going with anyone?

Yeah. My dad's girlfriend wants

me and my sister to go to it,

like, as a bonding thing or

something. It's gonna be whack.

Totally whack! Wickedy whack, baby!

You know what I'm talking about?

That's probably why I'm

not going, actually.

Honestly, the only reason why

I'm going is just to network.

Cool. I mean, I think

that's a smart move.

If I were in your situation, I

would definitely do that. Nice.

- It would be more fun if you were

there. - I'm gonna get this call.

- What?

- Didn't you hear what I said?

- No, what did you say?

- Excuse me?

No, I was just... Hello?

- Please take your other call.

- Okay. Later.

Do you know where I can get

a smoothie around here?

I'm sorry. I do not...

I'm sorry. I didn't

hear what you said.

I said I don't know where you'd get

a smoothie around here at all.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, okay. Thanks so much.

Yeah. No worries.

Have you seen my stress ball?

What is your problem?

Carol's going to

the party tonight.

- With you?

- No.

Are you gonna ask her?

I just told her I'm not going.

Why would you do that?

I don't know, Cher!

How you going to eat the

apple if you got no teeth?

What?

She's saying stop being a p*ssy and

bring Nancy as your date tonight

to make Carol jealous.

Thank you, Carlos. I don't think

she used the word "p*ssy," though.

Was someone looking for a

date to Gustav's party?

I will totally look hot for you.

You'll sh*t when you

see what I'm wearing.

Please, I'll be super classy.

This is cute. Right?

This works.

Yeah. Yeah. Is the

party in 1989?

Do you have a cocktail

dress that I can borrow?

- Yes, I do, but I'm wearing

it tonight. - For what?

- For date night.

- What?

No, Dani's coming

with me tonight.

What? So I'm the third

wheel on a dad date.

Sorry.

The horror.

She woke up all warm and fuzzy this morning

and suggested we have a fancy dinner.

Maybe she's happier

'cause you're here.

No, it's definitely not that.

Hey, Pippa is like, you know,

a fashiony-type person.

- Yeah? - You can borrow

something from her.

I mean, she owes me one for

letting her shower here.

What an excellent

and awkward idea.

- Hi.

- Allo.

- Hello there.

- How are you?

Hey. Hi.

Listen, we have a

fashion emergency

and we would like

your help, my lady.

A fashion emergency. Yes,

absolutely. I can help you.

I never would have expected

that coming from you.

- It's for... Yes.

- You.

That's a lot easier.

No, no, no. Sorry.

That was not clear.

I'm good.

Absolutely. I can

totally help you.

Great. Chim-chimeree.

Any more primping, the girls

are gonna cry with jealousy.

Well, then you're just gonna have

to kiss this lipstick off me.

If you insist, I guess.

Hey, honey. I'm really

touched you took my advice

to include the girls tonight.

I can't say no to you, can I?

Nope.

Whoa! You look like

somebody else.

Are you serious? Thanks.

All right. Where's Dani?

Late. What else is new?

Well, use protection, okay?

I will.

I have my diaphragm in.

- Hi.

- Hi.

This chair, it always

sticks like that.

Can you get in there?

Watch the leather. Just be

a little graceful, okay?

- Sorry.

- Where's Dani?

She's not coming.

You look nice, Carol.

Thank you.

She didn't say anything

to me about it.

Well, she has work.

Of course, I told you, remember? I

said exactly this would happen.

- Would you like a Life Saver?

- It's just predictable.

It's tiresome. It's predictable,

the same thing all the time.

It's a lot stuffier

than I remember.

Yeah, Gustav, you got

enough goddamn flowers?

Maybe he's covering the

fact that he stinks.

Nice one, Meems.

Where is he, anyway?

Why are we talking about him

like we're in West Egg?

Oh, there he is. Mr. Big Pants.

Watch the door. I just had

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