In Bed Page #2

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implicit in the movies.

Just consider the number

of aesthetic approaches and films.

Imagine we could divide them

and pile them in sets.

As spectators,

we too belong in one of those sets.

That's the clue.

For instance, someone who watches

Hgh Fdelty and then Magnola.

Or who simply likes that aesthetic.

That person belongs to Set A.

And that's okay.

Or let me see another.

Someone who watches

TaxDrver.

Reservor Dogs.

State of Grace.

Fargo.

Et cetera.

That person also belongs in a set.

Set B.

Makes sense.

It's okay.

Imagine someone who watches

Almodvar's Atame and then...

...Dr. Doolttle or Before the Ran

and then Naked Gun...

...and then watches...

What could that be?

Something not related in any way.

That person belongs

to no set at all.

There's no aesthetic identity there.

There's something wrong

with that person.

Look, I used to date a girl

who had seen every action film.

Stallone, Schwarzenegger.

Fine!

But she belongs in a given set.

But one day she invited me

to a Godard film, Vvre sa Ve.

Suspicious, to say the least.

I knew then

that something was wrong.

Later, she told me

she was back with her ex.

Get it?

No.

Let's see.

If you were to make a movie,

what would it be about?

What would be the topic?

I don't know.

Come on. Play along.

A woman.

I don't know.

Make something up.

Anything.

A witch...

Go on.

...is being visited by a teenage boy.

He tells her that he has this dream

over and over.

Then she holds his hand.

She concentrates.

According to her cards...

I don't know.

There's a guy investigating

missing person's cases.

Finds the bodies of five

presumptively tortured children.

But when he studies the bodies,

he discovers they all have

these odd wounds.

After a while, he realizes

that they are autopsy marks.

And that those children

are over 200 years old.

Meaning that he's facing

a UFO situation.

A married couple splits.

It starts with him

taking a cab outside his house.

The driver sees him crying.

He's got nowhere to go.

He goes to a friend's house.

That night he sleeps

in a room full of toys.

Then, the next morning,

he goes to the office,

trying to go on with his life.

There's pictures of his wife

and kids on his desk.

He stores them away.

Motel.

A woman wakes up at a motel.

There's a dead woman by her side.

She remembers nothing.

No, wait.

A woman makes love

to her lesbian lover.

Then they quarrel because

one of them has a straight lover.

Then a man comes in.

The man kills one of them.

And the same man

goes and phones the police.

And?

And the police arrives,

surrounds them.

And...

The cartoons of the '80s

were the best by far.

Have you had one

of those typical conversations

about vintage cartoons?

Whether you liked Anthony,

or the other one in Candy.

And the Protoculture,

and Galactca.

And you look like Anthony.

And you look like...

Like whom?

Someone I met at a birthday party.

To whom I later offered a ride home.

And what happened next?

We went to another party.

A real bummer.

So I invited her to have a drink.

And?

And I was very nervous.

And?

And...

...I kissed her.

What did she do?

She asked me to take her

somewhere else.

Can I tell you something?

I knew we would end up like this.

- How?

- Like this.

In bed.

I knew it when I saw you.

I mean,

you always know deep inside.

I felt the same way.

Do you believe in chemistry?

So, what do we do?

I don't know.

What time is it?

OO a. m.

Too late to arrive.

Too early to leave.

Are you hungry?

I could call room service

if you want something.

Or we could ask for a movie

in the meantime.

What do you mean

by "in the meantime"?

In the meantime?

In the meantime, I recover.

You'll recover?

I'll help you recover.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

One, one-thousand.

Leave it there!

Turn it up!

I realzed everythng can change

If there's love

I wsh I could go back

Perhaps thnk more about you

I ask you to understand

And gve me some tme to start agan

Wsh I could grow

Wsh I could sng

Wsh I could roll down and fall

And get on my feet agan

Wsh I could set my fears asde

So I could return to God

And then return to myself

Lost!

What do you want me to do for me?

Wounded!

Wounded by a bullet

Your love ways are kllng me

Lost!

What do you want me to do for me?

Wounded!

Wounded by a bullet

Your love ways are kllng me

Wounded

Wounded by love

Sometmes I feel sad

A Ittle tred

It's as f even our love

Was keepng us apart

The stages depress me

Lghts blnd me

Do you thnk t's easy for me?

That I can put asde my lonelness

When I don't know f I have you

I don't thnk so

I don't thnk so

Lost! Wounded!

Wounded by a bullet

Your love ways are kllng me

Wounded!

Wounded by love

Wounded!

Your love ways are kllng me

Wounded!

Lost!

What do you want me to do for me?

Wounded!

Wounded by a bullet

Your love ways are kllng me

Wounded!

Wounded by love

Okay, then.

And now?

I'm sorry, really.

I have to wait it out.

How much time does it take?

I don't know.

From 15 minutes up to an hour.

Men need 15 minutes

to know if they f***ed up.

Women, instead,

they don't mind anymore.

A sexist invented that!

Everything's full of theories now.

Do you know

why people go shopping?

No.

Sexual problems.

Women, when not satisfied

by their partners.

Then a deficit of something

shows up there.

An energy deficit.

There's the lack of orgasm.

You see, when women fake

their orgasms,

they end up not being able to tell

fake from real.

Then those orgasms become real.

No, a real orgasm is different.

Do you fake your orgasms?

- Sure. Don't you?

- Nah.

I fake my comings.

Let me go on.

A woman who fakes orgasms

experiences an energy deficit.

So she needs to go shopping,

because buying is like a penetration.

You get yourself something.

It's sort of sexual.

Sales, for instance,

were made for frustrated women.

There's no compulsive buying

after good sex. Or have you seen it?

No.

Truth is, I never visit the malls.

I just remembered something.

You wait.

What's that?

Blood is supposed to go down,

so that later it will return upwards

with more strength.

- It's a gravity phenomenon.

- Does it work?

A friend of mine told me so.

He also said

that if you drink lots of water,

some glands become rigid and...

Hey.

I'm telling you men's secrets.

Men's secrets?

Who cares about them?

It's men who can't stand

not knowing what we women think.

They find it annoying when

we go to the bathroom in groups.

Sheer insecurity.

As if they were our only subject.

For me, the most interesting part

is that girls indulge in lesbian

relations during puberty.

A typical male fantasy.

You know why women

are more evolved than men?

Because of their intuitive thinking?

Because men masturbate manually,

and women digitally.

I had a lesbian teacher.

She used to touch us

when we were upside down.

I got only C's. We were

supposed to do it gracefully.

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