In Bruges
I dropped the gun in the Thames,
washed the residue off me hands
in the bathroom of a Burger King,
and walked home
to await instructions.
Shortly thereafter,
the instructions came through.
'Get the f*** out of London,
youse dumb fucks.
'Get to Bruges:
'I didn't even know
where Bruges f***ing was.
It's in Belgium.
RAY:
Bruges is a shithole.KEN:
Bruges isnot a shithole.
Bruges is a shithole.
Ray, we've only just
got off the f***ing train.
Could we reserve judgment on Bruges
until we've seen the f***ing place?
I know it's gonna be
a shithole.
(EXHALES)
(SOFTLY) Shithole.
(BELL DINGS)
I think you have a couple of rooms
booked under Cranham and Blakely?
Yes. No, we have one room booked.
One twin room.
Booked for two weeks.
Two weeks!
Do you have another room?
No, I'm afraid we're fully booked.
With Christmas,
everywhere is fully booked.
Okay.
(SIGHS)
It's very pretty.
I'm not being funny,
we can't stay here.
We've got to stay here
until he rings.
Well, what if he doesn't
ring for two weeks?
Then we stay here for two weeks.
For two weeks? In f***ing Bruges?
In a room like this?
With you? No way!
Ray, I really don't like to say this.
You really don't like to say what?
Well. You know?
F***ing bring that up.
Do you think this is good?
Do I think what's good?
You know, going round in a boat,
looking at stuff.
Yes, I do.
It's called 'sightseeing.'
Oh, look at that.
It's a former hospital.
From the 1100s.
Bruges is the most
well-preserved medieval town
in the whole of
Belgium, apparently.
Coming up?
What's up there?
The view.
The view of what?
The view of down here?
I can see that from down here.
Ray, you're about
the worst tourist in the whole world.
Ken, I grew up in Dublin.
I love Dublin.
If I'd grown up on a farm and was
retarded, Bruges might impress me.
But I didn't, so it doesn't.
(HUMMING)
Trying to get rid of me coins.
Will you take 4.90?
Entry is 5 euro.
Come on, man,
it's only 10 cents.
Entry is 5 euro.
(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
Happy in your work?
Very happy.
(SIGHS)
I like it here.
(IMITATES GUN FIRING)
MAN:
Been to the top of the tower?Yeah. Yeah, it's rubbish.
It is? The guidebook says
it's a 'must-see'.
Well, you lot ain't going up there.
Pardon me? Why?
I mean, it's all windy stairs.
I'm not being funny.
What exactly are you
trying to say?
What exactly
am I trying to say?
Youse are a bunch
of f***ing elephants!
Right, you.
Come on, leave it, fatty.
(PANTING)
You know, you're just
the rudest man. The rudest man!
What's all that about?
They're not going up there.
Hey, guys, I wouldn't go up there.
It's really narrow.
Screw you, motherf***er!
Americans, isn't it?
Now, this is more like it.
Proper holidays.
One gay beer
for my gay friend,
and one normal beer for me,
because I am normal.
(SIGHS)
This is the life.
We're not staying here getting pissed.
We are quietly sightseeing,
like he says,
and awaiting his call
to see what we do next.
This is my vote
on what we should do.
We give it another day,
two days, max.
Then we check the papers again,
and if there's still nothing in them,
we phone him and say, 'Harry,
thank you for the trip to Bruges,
'it's been very nice, all the
old buildings and that,
'but we're coming back to London now,
and hide out in a proper country,
'where it isn't all just
f***ing chocolates.'
My vote would be
we quietly sightsee, like he says,
and await his call
to see what we do next.
You don't even know
we're here hiding out.
What are you talking about?
You don't even know
we're not here on a job.
- What, on a job?
- Yeah.
- Here in Bruges?
- Yeah.
- Here in Bruges, on a job?
- Yeah.
Why? What did he actually say?
He didn't actually say anything.
- Then why do you think it might be?
- I don't think anything.
But it's a bit f***ing
over-elaborate, isn't it?
- 'Go take him to hide out.'
- 'Go take him to hide out where?'
'Go take him to hide out
in f***ing Bruges.'
You can hide out in Croydon.
Hmm.
Or Coventry.
Hmm.
It is a bit over-elaborate.
Hmm.
But we haven't got any guns.
Harry can get guns anywhere.
(BELL TOLLING)
He's not gonna ring tonight.
(SIGHS)
He's not gonna ring tonight.
Let's go out.
- Go out where?
- The pub.
No!
Let's go out and have a look
at some of the...
All the old medieval
buildings and that.
Because I bet they look even
better at night, all lit up.
Yes!
That there is called
the Gruuthuse Museum.
They all have funny names,
don't they?
Yes, Flemish.
In here it says, 'The Belgians
twice sheltered fugitive English Kings
'from being murdered, 1471 and 1651.'
I used to hate history,
didn't you?
It's all just a load of stuff
that's already happened.
What are they doing over there?
They're filming something.
They're filming midgets!
Ray!
MAN:
So, on this scene, you're supposedto walk like a little, tiny mouse, yeah?
Okay? Great.
Ray, come on, let's go.
My arse, 'Let's go.'
They're filming midgets.
Oh, my God!
Look at that girl.
She's gorgeous!
F*** off, are we!
This is the best bit of Bruges
so far. You and your buildings.
Hello.
Do you speak English?
No.
Yes, you do.
Everybody does.
What are you filming midgets for?
It's a Dutch movie.
It's a dream sequence.
It's a pastiche of Nicholas Roeg's
Don't Look Now.
Not a pastiche, but a...
A 'homage' is too strong.
A 'nod of the head'?
Wow, your English is very good.
A lot of midgets
tend to kill themselves.
A disproportionate amount.
Herv Villechaize,
off of Fantasy Island.
I think somebody
off The Time Bandits.
I suppose they must
get really sad about, like,
People looking at them
and laughing at them.
Calling them names.
You know, 'shortarse.'
There's another famous
midget I'm missing,
but I can't remember.
It's not the R2-D2 man.
No, he's still going.
I hope your midget doesn't kill himself.
Your dream sequence will be f***ed.
He doesn't like being called a midget.
He prefers 'dwarf.'
Well, this is exactly my point!
People go around calling you a midget
when you want to be called a dwarf.
Of course you're
gonna blow your head off!
- My name's Ray. What's yours?
- Chloe.
How did you get past
the security man?
Getting past security men,
it's sort of my job.
You're a shoplifter?
(CHUCKLES) No, not a shoplifter.
It's a good joke, though.
No.
I'll tell you what I am
(CHUCKLING)
F***.
How f***ing cool.
Mr. Blakely?
- Yes. No, Mr. Cranham.
- No. Yes. Mr. Blakely. Yes.
You have a message.
Sh*t!
HARRY:
Number one, why aren't youin when I f***ing told you to be in?
Number two, why doesn't this hotel
have phones with f***ing voicemail
and not I have to leave messages
with the f***ing receptionist?
Number three, you better f***ing be in
tomorrow night when I f***ing call again
or there'll be f***ing Hell to pay,
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"In Bruges" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 2 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/in_bruges_10698>.
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