In Memoria Di Me (In Memory of Myself) Page #2

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and call me on my hour of death.

Let me come to You to praise You and

all the Saints forever and ever.

As you must have realized,

one of your brothers has left us.

Serious family matters forced him

to return home.

In the hope of his return one day,

let us pray to the Lord

to accompany him in his trials.

We offer thanks to you, Lord Jesus.

Watch over us that

we remain united in your name.

May you be blessed now

and forevermore.

In the name of the Father, the Son

and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

- The doctor's here.

- Thank you.

Father...

I'm sorry to bother you.

What is it?

It's about Panella.

I saw him leave

the house last night.

- I heard noises and...

- His family came to pick him up.

Why are you lying, Father?

Because it's right.

And so it should be referred

to the novices to avoid problems.

It is also right that Fausto left

if he didn't wish to stay here.

In any event,

these things do not concern us.

His parents came to pick him up.

Do you require

any further explanation?

A community based on Christ

does not judge.

But living alongside others and

listening to what they have to tell us

is a great opportunity for us

to discover our own behaviour.

How we appear to others and

what we communicate to them.

The comments of others serve

to question our own image,

the image

we have created of ourselves.

Only humiliation can teach us

the essence of humility.

Listen, Andrea,

to what your brothers

have to say to you.

You seem too sure of yourself.

You are too curious,

too indiscreet.

You seem presumptuous.

It seems like you are running away

from something.

It feels like you are judging me.

You seem cold, indifferent.

I'm afraid of you,

you seem arrogant.

You seem vain.

It's the new schedule

for the homilies.

It's tomorrow.

You're the first.

You'll have to write it tonight.

We have taken refuge here,

in the shade of this island,

the dwelling of God,

that takes us in and absolves us

from every human fear.

What have we given up?

Only that which

we didn't want anyway.

Love so commonplace that

it was destined to die of habit.

We have discovered that

our revolution lies in rules.

Daily routines, rituals

and liturgies which prevent us

from straying into error.

But this is still no guarantee

that we will become better men.

We quote the Scriptures,

meditate on the Gospel,

but no one knows better than we do

how difficult it is to live by them.

Should we blame ourselves for this?

Is there another path for us,

other than teaching the Gospel?

No.

We know that we must be

the guides for humanity,

that when hearing the Gospel,

desires ethics.

That when sensing love,

prefers severity.

That when hoping for forgiveness,

hurries to condemn.

And when it should fall

silent and weep,

asks God to account for what it,

and it alone, should have done.

You are judging.

There is no love in what you say.

I don't pretend

to make people fall in love.

I am here to learn

the contents of the faith.

But love is

the contents of the faith.

I think people

must fall in love with Christ

even if they have never read a word

of the tons of literature

that has been written about Him.

How can you be

scientific about Christ?

We are called upon to explain

the reasons for our faith.

The Gospel exists.

He who explains it must give

the instruments to understand it.

You are the Gospel when

you are a priest.

It is through you that the people

expect to see Christ.

If there weren't a single copy

of the Gospel in the world,

if I was told

that God doesn't exist,

that Jesus Christ was only a lie...

But if through someone else,

I truly experienced Him myself,

be certain...

Be certain

I'd prefer to stay with Christ

than with all the other

truths of this world.

Please be seated.

The Father Master informs me

that you show great ability

in your studies.

In particular, he praised

your writing skills.

As you know, our job here

is to enhance

your individual capacities.

The work of the Lord

is accomplished through our gifts,

the gifts He bestowed on us.

Who are you?

Why have you come here?

Write about the process

you are following,

the reasons for it.

Try to explain it.

Personally, I would be happy

to read something of the sort.

I know it's hard at first.

But try and keep at it,

as you have done so far.

We are certain that

you can do very well in the future.

I am counting on you, Andrea.

Why are you following me?

To be everything in life,

I risked becoming nothing at all.

I'd managed to give up

every responsibility.

It was all the same, I said.

We're just ants.

Ghosts.

Then one evening,

I went out into the street

and made up my mind

not to avoid traffic anymore.

All I had to do to die

was to stand still.

I'm not pretending I was enlightened.

It only lasted a second.

And everything was so present.

In the depths of it,

I didn't feel alone anymore.

I realized that evil

was what I myself was doing,

and that I needed forgiveness.

Perhaps for the first time

in my life, I felt...

I felt loved.

And so I...

And so I came here,

in order not to lose myself.

But the silence

of this church

is empty.

They need truth

to be dead.

They need truth to be...

dead.

Why are you here?

I'm here for myself.

Because the world won't change,

if I don't change first.

We aren't changing the world.

We're only copying it.

And why are you still here?

Because I'm afraid.

Who's in the infirmary?

Come in.

I hope I'm not disturbing you.

Last night I overheard something

that I think I should tell you.

What were you and Zanna

talking about last night?

Well? Answer me !

He has some doubts.

He is asking himself questions.

What do you mean,

asking himself questions?

Well?

Explain to your brothers

what sort of questions he has.

He feels he is dying in here.

Here we prepare you

to become men of God.

To be ready to serve Him

whenever needed.

You should be ready

to cross continents,

overcome diffidence and opposition,

face wars

and even martyrdom.

And you must always be prepared

to carry out

the orders of your Superiors.

If you are incapable

of accepting this servitude,

you are free to return to the world.

The doors remain open

for those who wish to leave.

The novitiate is when

the novice tests the Order,

and the Order tests the novice.

Do not forget this.

Not all of you will see it through.

"If your brother does something wrong,

go and have it out with him alone,

If he listens to you, you have

won him back." Matthew 18:25.

I have decided to leave.

I wanted to tell you.

If I stayed,

I'd only be doing myself harm.

I can't do it.

Why should I?

To keep a promise I made to men?

It would be madness.

To God?

But God is everywhere.

He is in me.

I'm taking him with me.

What will you do?

I don't know.

I'm going to go in

the opposite direction to this place,

opposite to everyone in here.

Who am I?

Tell me who I am.

Tell me why I'm here.

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