In the Army Now Page #7

even walk 'cause he got his leg shot off.

- Fred, we're free!

- Yeah, and we're gonna die free!

Or maybe not.

Fifty-five American dollars.

Then on top of it,

see this truck?

Serious, bona fide Libyan Army

fighting machine.

And it's all part of

this amazing offer, my friend.

I mean, if you're lucky, it

might even have a Kuwait track.

You can play

stuff on it.

Huh? And you ask me, how could it be?

Why such a deal?

Because we're Crazy Boys!

We're givin' it away!

Hmm?

You like this watch?

- Is it interesting?

- No, no, no, no, no.

- Not the watch.

- He likes it.

Come on. It's got the faces

of the moon and a compass.

- What? This has a compass?

- Yeah.

Really? We've been stuck

in the desert for three days...

- and you're telling me this watch has a compass.

- Sorry.

Oh,Jack, you're gonna get some

noogies later. I'm gonna pound you like this.

I forgot.

Well, you're gonna forget about

your little watch here, because it's gone!

Uh-huh.

Here you go, my friend.

Hey,you guys.

In my life...

I've seen

a lot of camels' toes...

but I've never seen one

on a camel.

- I think he's got a crush on you, Bones.

- Really? How can you tell?

- 'Cause he's been nibbling on your ears.

- Yeah?

And licking

on your neck.

It's okay.

You're just a camel.

Our supply drop's

on the other side of that Libyan base.

What Libyan base?

Are you blind?

- It's a Libyan base covered with a camo tent.

- What are you talking about?

- I guess we're gonna have to go around it.

- Around what?

- See thatjeep right there?

- I see thejeep, but I don't-

Oh! You mean that Libyan base,

the one under the camo tent!

I thought you guys were talking

about some other Libyan base.

Will there be

medical supplies?

Medical supplies, uniforms, food,

water, radio. Everything you need.

But where is it?

It's supposed to be right here.

Hey, you guys!

Come on!

Hey, come on, you guys!

What is it?

Oh!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo!

Hot Wheels!

Stern, these things are intense!

No wonder people join the Army.

# Be all

that you can be #

# In the Army #

What happened to him?

His leg looks pretty bad. I think it's infected

'cause he lost a lot of blood.

But look at his gums!

They're fabulous, man.

Not a touch of gingivitis.

He's been flossing.

- Yeah, but why is he acting so wasted?

- That's the morphine.

Absolutely!

The "morphine," the better.

Hello.!

Somebody answer us, please.!

You gotta believe us.

We're stuck out here in the middle-

Get ahold of yourself,

soldier.

Thank God it's you!

- Listen-

- Don't say my name.

What did I say to you

when you first arrived in Chad?

Uh, something about

your clock being broken.

Close enough.

Okay, calm down, son,

we're gonna get you outta there.

Listen carefully.

Your call sign is now Glendale.

Our call sign

is now Burbank.

Did you recover the fast-attack vehicles,

Glendale?

Oh, you mean those dune buggies!

Yeah, those things are intense.

Good. This equipment

was intended...

for the Special Forces team

to carry out a vital mission.

You are our only assets

on the ground...

with the right equipment

in the right place.

- Say what?

- You have to take over, Glendale.

Listen.

Let me explain something.

First of all, Sergeant,

we're water boys.

- Okay, please-

- You're soldiers first, Glendale!

Now, listen up.

The Libyans have a mobile scud

launching base right in your area.

These scuds are loaded with chemical

weapons and targeted at U.S. bases.

Our aerial photographs

haven't been able to find them.

You want us to find 'em?

What about Stern?

Stern can find 'em.

He'll be up pretty soon. Stern?

Daddy, why can't I go

to ballet class?

Teacher says

I'm a natural.

These scuds...

can't be spotted from the air

because of heavy camouflage.

Camouflage? Why didn't you say so

in the first place?

Listen, we saw the thing

this morning.

Stern wrote down the coordinates.

Right, Stern?

We'll tell you where it is. You guys can

come here and bomb the hell outta it!

- Come on. Send the Air Force.

- It's not enough to tell us.

You have to go back there

and paint it.

Paint it? Trust me.

It looks perfectly fine the way it is.

I mean paint it

with the laser.

The laser target designator.

It's in your equipment.

All you have to do

is return to that base...

point the laser at it,

and call me back on the radio.

The Air Force

will do the rest.

You can be a mile away

in perfect safety.

All right.

Wait a minute.

- Chris? Get over here.

- What?

They can't make us do anything.

We don't know how to use this stuff.

Fred,you use lasers

in dentistry, right?

I know what's goin' on! You're gonna try

to make the brother hold the laser, right?

No. My laser was a little,

itty-bitty laser.

This is a big laser.

There's a difference.

- Glendale? Glendale.!

- No.

Can't they just evacuate

the bases?

Or we can take an hour out of our

busy lives, hop in these cool dune buggies...

pop the base with the laser, and let

the Air Force blow the hell out of it!

- You listen to me, Glendale!

- Please hold yourself there one second.

I'm just trying to have

a moment with my friends. Is that okay?

Have a cup of java.

Please chill.

Fred, when you

first got here...

- you were completely freaked, right?

- Yeah.

Now look at you. Huh?

You're a regular G.I.Joe.

A fightin' man

from head to toe!

And, Chris,

you wanted infantry.

Well, now's your chance.

Let's see what you've got.

And,Jack, my friend,

you were a complete screwup.

But now look at you.

You're still a screwup.

But if you did this

and you survived...

you'd have stuff to tell

your little screw-up grandkids.

Basically, you guys,

up to a few months ago...

we were all a bunch of minimum wage losers

from Glendale.

But this whole event

has changed our lives!

You know who we owe it to?

# The Army ##

This is something we gotta do!

Come on! Get on with it!

- Chris, I know you're with me.

- Yeah, boy.

Fred, listen, if you can't handle it,

I understand, man.

I can handle it.

Jack, what do you say,

man?

Oh, I say,

I say you're crazy.

I think you're all nuts.!

But you're the private first class.

I'm the private.

And I'm gonna follow you,

my friend, wherever.

All right, you guys, let's do this thing.

Kick it, man!

Stern, you ready?

- Let's go, Bones.!

- I know, I know.

There's just a little bit of business

I have to take care of.

You're gonna have

to go now.

You're gonna have to go be

all the camel that you can be.

Bye.

All right, troops!

Let's go bust

some scuds!

#Hit the street runnin'#

# Got a plan

on your mind #

#Lookin'for a shelter #

#Doin'double overtime #

#Feel a little crazy #

#But I won't be denied #

# Gotta find the time

to take her inside outside #

# Tumblin'

in a world of swirl #

#Rumblin'

in a world of swirl #

#In a world of swirl ##

All right.

Glendale to Burbank. Come in.

- I wish we had cooler code names.

- What was that, Glendale?

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