In the Army Now Page #6

Are you okay, man?

Are you okay? Here.

Take a sip.

Listen.

Look,Jack,

we got two choices:

One, we could put your clothes back on,

get ourselves out of this mess.

Go back to Glendale. Start up our

own store. Become rich and famous!

Or two, you can lie here

butt-naked and crust away...

leaving your skull to be found

by a young Arabic prince...

that's gonna use it

for an ashtray.

You don't want that

in your head.

You make the call.

Come on, let's get outta here.

What do you say?

Come on.

Here. Here.

Come on.

Hey. Oh,Jack,

look at that ass!

Maybe you should stay naked,

get some sun on those cheeks.

- What?

- Man, now I'm seeing things.

The palm trees

right on the horizon.

It's another mirage.

- Oh, my god, I see it too.

- It's not a mirage.

Those are the palm trees!

It's the oasis!

Oh, man.

You saved our lives!

Where's my kiss?

Christine?

This stream was due west.

It was on the map, right?

Where's the water?

This is... sand!

Nobody move.

There is a big snake

right by your feet.

Thanks for not movin',

Jack.

Throw me the gun.

If you don't attack it,

it'll go away.

I- I don't want it to go away.

I want to have it for dinner.

Throw me... the gun.

You want some of this, baby?

There you go. Come on.!

Oh, no. I'm still

gonna getcha!

You're gonna die, vermin!

I'll kill ya!

Huh?

Shudda-budda-da-da-da!

Huh?

It's a win-win situation.

Would you look

at that!

Water from the bullet hole.

Water.! Yeah.!

Water! Water!

Fresh water!

I can't believe it!

Is it snake yet?

- Depends how you like it.

- Well done!

He used to be afraid of scorpions,

now he's eatin' snake!

That is impressive,

Fred.

I thought

we were all gonna die.

But you pulled us through.

I don't know how...

but thank you.

That was, uh...

pretty exceptional.

So what are you gonna do

if I get us rescued?

Um...

I will...

take off all

your clothes...

tie you to the bed...

rub warm oil

all over your body...

from the bottom of those feet

to the top of that head...

and proceed to have

the nastiest...

freakiest sex with you

that you have ever imagined.

Wow.

Oh, that's it. Dammit!

I saw her first!

And look what happens!

The same thing that happened with Gabriella.

I saw her first.

And Wanda Tushman.

In the third grade.

I saw her first.!

And that girl in Palm Springs

that turned out to be the guy.

I saw that thing first too. You know why

I'm not just strangling you right now?

'Cause you

can't cook a snake?

No.

Because no matter how long

we've been friends...

I never thought you'd be the kind of guy

that would save our lives...

let alone kill a snake.

- But you did.

- Hey, man, thanks.

I think it's the U.N. flag.

We're saved!

- Guys, Christine and I are gonna need some time alone.

- Sure, man!

...President in the situation

room of the White House.

The President is scheduled to address

the nation tomorrow at 6:;00 P.M.

Welcome.

You are the Reservists

from Glendale, California. Correct?

According to W.N.R.,

you are presumed dead in a truck explosion.

Hmm, where are we?

You are on a military base

well inside Libya.

That is all

you need to know.

Oh, I forgot to mention.

The war is starting tomorrow.

- How'd you know that?

- American TV.

Your country is expected to start bombing

our air bases tomorrow.

When that happens...

we will unleash missiles with chemical

warheads against your bases.

Consider yourself lucky

to be here.

Sleep well.

You know, this is fine. It's like the time

you got us arrested in Tijuana.

Except we're in Libya.

And your dad's not gonna

pick us up here, brother.

Yo, aren't you guys

also American?

Ah, see. I see.

I was wounded and... I don't feel well.

Please sing a song to comfort me.

- Sing a song?

- Any song!

Oh, because of the thing-

- Oh, okay.

# Rescue me #

Sing.

# I want your tender charms

'Cause I'm so lonely #

#And I'm blue #

- My team was on strategic recon.

- Oh?

You know, that's when

you go behind enemy lines...

and try to locate their

assets like tanks, bunkers.

We were on our way to a resupply drop

and we were ambushed.

- The other guys were killed.

- Killed?

#I need you

by my side #

# Can't you see

that I'm lonely #

I took a bullet in the leg,

and they brought me here.

# Uh-huh, I don't know

any words to this song #

- # Kiss me, baby #

- # Kiss me, baby #

#Kiss me, baby,yeah

Hold me, baby #

#Love me, baby #

Use this to dig around

the base of the bars on the window.

- I got one of them loose already.

- Escape? What are you, crazy?

- # Ahh, oh-ho #

- # Uh-huh #

Look. It's the duty of every P.O.W.

to try to escape.

We're in the middle of a desert.

What good is it gonna do for us to escape?

To complete the recon

mission, soldier.

The special operations cargo plane

was instructed to make a supply drop...

at a rendezvous point

about 15 K north of here.

If we can get off this base, I

can get us to the rendezvous point.

You're insane. The Libyans are

gonna launch chemical weapons.

- We're much safer here.

- No. I'm a soldier, and I've got a job to do.

And so are you.

Now get to work... Private.

# Lonely #

# Yeah, rescue me

Pretty baby ##

- Bones.

- Ah-ah, ah-ha.

My heart.

You know what? You didn't scare me.

I just felt like screaming.

Don't worry about it.

Most men think I'm scary.

- You can't sleep, huh?

- I'm too excited.

Excited? They might torture us tomorrow.

They might even kill us.

I know. It's just like

the night before Christmas.

Yeah, well at my house

we got presents.

I'm talking about

the anticipation.

We might die!

We, we, we might escape.

We don't know what's gonna happen.

That's the coolest thing in the world.

Most girls are into

horses and stuff.

You're weird.

Most men say that too.

I like it.

You do?

Yeah.

Horses are boring.

So...

if I do get us out of here,

and I will...

is it true what you said about tying me up

and all the wild sex stuff?

Only if you kiss me again.

Okay.

Okay, wait.

Wait a minute.

I think I got it.

Wait, look at it.

- You got it.

- Look at it.

Oh! Oh!

Stern?

Stern, you gotta wake up.

I can't turn the alarm off.

It's not an alarm.

It's an air-raid siren.

Oh, thank God!

I thought I was having

another panic attack.

It's okay,

it's okay.

Yes.

Almost.

Try it again.

Okay. Cross yo-

That was good. Just a little more

to the left and you got 'em.

You guys just keep trying.

Do you guys realize

what we are doing right now?

This is a scene from

Pirates of the Caribbean.

All we need is that

mangy dog, right?

Quiet. Just try it again.

Hey.

How much do you love me?

I'm sorry, I don't get it.

What is it with us and trucks?

We get 'em, we break 'em,

we smash 'em, we crash 'em.

- We run out of gas. I don't get it!

- Yes, I understand that.

But we're not getting tortured

by Babaga-douche right now, okay?

No, instead we're lost

in the desert... again.

Without food and water...

again.

Stuck with this Special Forces guy. He can't

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