In the Army Now Page #5

That is truly a pathetic sight.

Who perpetrated this?

O- ooow!

- Who did this to you?

- I can't tell you, First Sergeant.

What? You have

too much honor?

No-o-o! I've been

threatened with death.

Untie these clowns,

and get me some water!

Agh!

#I just love it any ol'way #

- # I just love it any ol' way #

- Ahem.

I have an announcement.

Do you guys want your water,

'cause you're lookin' a little bit crispy?

- You better wa-

- Oh, I know. I know.

Tell me if this is right.

I better call 976, find a doctor...

and tag an ambulance,

'cause you're gonna tear offi my toe...

and spit down my head,

right?

Do you guys want

your water or not?

Sergeant.!

Report to Capt. Roberts.

You've got a mission.

Water boys...

report to First Sergeant Williams,

you've got a mission too.

Listen up!

Capt. Denby says...

we're gonna resupply the forward

U.N. peace-keeping base.

This is a very simple,

routine mission.

You will fall into line in a very large,

very prepared convoy.

All you have to do is follow the truck

in front of you.

When your troops get thirsty,

you will give them water.

Conway,

you look confused.

Are you sure you wanna send us

to a forward area?

- We're just water boys.

- You are soldiers!

You will get in that convoy, and you will

be a credit to the United States Army.

- Is that clear?

- Yes, First Sergeant!

- Then muscle your lollygaggin' butts and move out!

- Yes, First Sergeant!

Dammit!

Forget it.

They're gonna send a tow truck.

Man,

what I wouldn't do...

for a double-meat,

chili cheeseburger right now.

No, a margarita

on the rocks.

Mmm.

Or some fresh,

butteryJiffy-Pop.

- That's not popcorn, boys.

- Hmm?

That convoy's

under attack.

Really?

I don't think so.

- A maniac's shooting at us!

- It's not a maniac. It's the enemy!

- What the hell are you doing?

- Surrendering! Don't shoot!

Damn!

Nice goin', Christine.

Did you have to shoot so close?

You scared the sh*t outta me.

Excuse me for livin'! I was just tryin'

to save your worthless little life.

Christine, are you aware that

after a near-death experience...

there's often

a desire to have sex?

- Yeah,Jack.

- That's right.

- I feel it.

- All right!

Just not with you...

ever!

- Got it?

- Yeah. Got it.

- I'm glad we could have this little talk.

- I didn't feel anything.

You guys, let's get outta here

The truck's on fire!

Stay low. It's gonna...

explode.

Where's Bones?

Hello!

Now rickity-tick

your mustering lollygaggin'.

Let's lollygaggin'

outta here!

- Isn't the road that way?

- Takin' the shortcut.

- Is there one?

- Mm-hmm. The road curves around like this.

All we gotta do is

cut through the desert here...

- and catch up with the convoy over there.

- Watch out!

I think I know

what I'm doing here.

I guess this is the wrong time

to tell you guys I get very easily carsick.

Bones, I don't see a road.

I have the best sense of direction

of anyone you know. The road's over there.

Three miles...

maybe four.

Oh,yeah.

Maybe ten, maybe twenty.

Maybe our truck

is sinking.

No-o-o!

Push!

Forget it, okay? Just shut it down.

We'll dig it out.

Just stand back. Stand back.

I'm gonna rock it.

Will you quit?

It's not working.

You're sucking too much sand

into the air filter.

- I order you... to shut it down now!

- You order me?

I'm Private First Class. Okay?

I'm ordering you. Come on.

The only reason

you made...

private first class...

is because your brother's

a pool man.

Huh?

You happy?

Get off!.

I hope you brought

your Triple "A" cards.

Let's see.

Well, look.

You cracked the block.

- I could've done it if you hadn't stopped me.

- You're so full of it.

- You know what?

- Shut up.!

We gotta figure out

what we're gonna do.

Why don't you just ask

our fearless leader here?

Pvt. First Class Bones,

the one with the highest rank.

All you had to do,Jack,

was just listen to me.

All I've ever done is listen to you,

and look where it's taken me.

Look! We're in the middle

of some African hellhole...

under a flesh-frying sun

with the sky filled with vultures...

ready to pluck out

my eyeballs.

Vultures don't come around

unless something's about to die.

Are you ripping the sleeves

off your jacket?

That's gonna look sexy.

Jack, tomorrow we have to walk

away from this water truck.

We have two canteens

between us.

We're gonna fill up the sleeves with water

and then we have more water.

Am I the only person

who paid attention in survival class?

There's a scorpion

on my back!

That's enough!

There's not a scorpion on your back!

Uh-uh. There is

a scorpion on my back!

Fred, there's nothing

on your back.

You keep on

imagining things.

Thank you.

I needed that.

I'm sorry I snapped.

You don't have

to apologize.

You're right!

I see things very clear now.

All right.

Right!

Guys, I want to apologize

to everybody. Okay?

- He's okay.

- I feel like a brand-new man.

- Now, can we get some rest?

- Okay.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

Just felt like going-

You're always playing!

Did you guys see that thing?

It was-

Follow me. I know

exactly where I'm goin'.

# When all

there's left to do #

Trust me.

# 'Cause you're fightin'

what's been done #

# This is where

sadness breathes #

# The sadness

of everyone #

#Just like when the guys

quit the damn at Otter Creek #

#And all the water

backed up #

#Deep enough to die #

You guys, get down.

I see something. Get down!

It's a truck! There's the road.

We are saved!

I told you I had

a flawless sense of direction.

What a coincidence.!

That truck looks-

That looks like our truck.

Listen you guys. Hey. I figured out

why we went in circles.

Do you remember

our map-reading class?

We didn't follow the sun!

Look, this stream

is due west.

All we have to do is walk away

from the sun in the morning...

towards the sun in the afternoon

and we should be there by nightfall.

So you're saying we should risk

being dried up into human jerky again...

just to follow another one

of your half-baked plans.

I'm not saying anything, okay?

I mean, I'm pretty sure this is gonna work.

But since I let us down before,

I say from here on in...

we put everything

to a vote.

We can't vote.

You order.

- We follow.

- Okay, well I order us to vote.

That is not how the Army goes.

You have to tell us what to do.

What if I'm wrong?

Then... we die.

I order us...

to do a sunbaked...

plan thing.

We're dead.

Hey, guys,just think of it

as a very long day...

on a very big beach

in a very dry year.

Hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey.

Wait a minute.

It's the ocean.

I don't see anything.

What, are you blind?

Th-The waves!

It's the ocean.!

It's a mirage!

It is a mirage!

And there's Caesars.

Right across the street is the Barbary

Coast where you can get a $3.99 buffet.

It's the ocean!

Come on!

Come on.!

Let's go.!

Come on!

First one in!

Come on.!

Here's a canteen. Go get your boy

'cause he's buggin'.

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