In the Crosswind Page #3

in our brigade,

I also received

official permission to go.

Heldur, this happiness

about being released

is greater

than we could have imagined.

Our standard of living is different

now than it was recently.

We get paid for our work

and most of us have a plot of land.

Now there is food on the table

and there's enough to sell to others.

Some people have been sent packages

from our homeland.

Regardless of all that has happened,

we now feel as if we're... at home.

Quite a few Estonians

have decided to stay...

So that...

mothers,

daughters,

sons

and fathers

could share the same soil...

Heldur, I promised myself

when I arrived here that...

that I would find you.

But how have these years changed you?

What do you look like?

Perhaps

you're standing beside me

right here in the railway station

and I don't recognise you.

Tell me where I should look for you?

In the soil under my feet

as I walk in the woods?

Or in a solitary blade of grass

in an autumn flock of birds?

Heldur, my heart hasn't forgotten you.

There is still a place in my soul

that belongs to you.

I have your words,

your touch on my cheek.

And part of you is around my waist.

But that's all...

I have of you.

The hope that one day I'll see you

walking towards our home,

or sitting under our wild apple tree

will probably never vanish.

Please forgive me,

but this time I'm not staying...

I'm going back to our homeland.

To me, you are there...

And if you aren't,

then keep in mind that a part of me

will remain here forever.

With you.

As well as with Eliide.

I'm going home...

Because what is freedom worth

if you have to pay for it

with solitude...

Dear Erna,

when your eyes read these lines,

you and Eliide will already be

in our homeland.

Since I didn't know

where to write to you in Siberia,

I wrote to our relatives in Estonia.

Surely they'll pass

this letter on to you.

Know that I'm well.

As well as can be

under the circumstances.

We've been in the same place

for the fifth month now.

We're being held in a cell.

In a prison camp.

The men of Defence League have been

sent to the tribunal one after another.

Erna...

tomorrow is my turn.

I'm writing because...

because none of our men

have come back after the tribunal.

Some think that

they are being sent to the front,

but my heart won't let me lie to you...

Don't wait for me to come back.

When this letter finds you,

follow our relatives to the West.

You can probably still get away

by train.

And one day we'll meet again!

Then come from the west

as a fresh, free wind.

And I'll come from here

as the east wind.

And we'll meet in the crosswind.

We'll meet where the winds meet,

by our apple tree

under the wing of the Creator.

With love,

Heldur.

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