In the Loop

1 INT. NUMBER TEN CORRIDOR/MALCOLM’S OFFICE - MORNING 1

MALCOLM TUCKER, government director of communications,

is arriving early. He's on the phone. Passes a CIVIL

SERVANT.

MALCOLM:

You're in Mark Hadley's office, yeah?

CIVIL SERVANT 1

Yes.

MALCOLM:

I need to see him.

Another CIVIL SERVANT hands Malcolm a CD. Without

breaking flow Malcolm raises an eyebrow, what's this?

CIVIL SERVANT 2

Monitoring. Simon Foster on The PM

Programme. Wonky Ron on Farming Today.

CIVIL SERVANT 2 walks off.

Malcolm starts to walk through to his office. Malcolm

reaches his office. His assistant SAM is there. He

hands her the CD and she puts it into a CD player and

it starts playing.

MALCOLM:

Well, what are you waiting for son, a

f***ing sex-change?

Civil Servant 1 hurries away.

Malcolm starts listening to the recording of Simon on

the radio.

MALCOLM(CONT’D)

So, Sam. What’s the dynamic Simon

Foster, going to wow us with?

SIMON:

(v/o on radio)

...and of course the big one is

diarrhoea, which is a major health

issue in these countries.

MALCOLM:

Diarrhoea? C’mon, Simon. You’re

International Development. Talk about

food parcels. Not arse-spraying

mayhem...

SAM laughs.

Page 1

IN THE LOOP SHOOTING SCRIPT @ 11/6/08

1 CONTINUED:

1

SIMON (V.O.)

And so if we can tackle the easy

things, like diarrhoea.

MALCOLM:

He said it again. what is this? The

Shitting Forecast?

2

EXT. TOBY & SUZY'S FLAT - MORNING/INT. MICHAEL’S FO 2

OFFICE - MORNING

It’s busy at the Foreign Office. SUZY is in her boss

Michael’s office, getting lots of documents, folders

etc ready. She’s on the phone to TOBY, who’s heading

out of their flat.

INTERCUT PHONE CALL:

SUZY:

You okay? First day at the new

department? You've got that thing

from the SMF you wanted to show them?

TOBY:

Oh yeah. Got my policy papers. Got my

packed lunch. And my comfort blanket -

which is a rug stitched full of

heroin.

SUZY:

Have a good day. Call me if you need

help, yeah?

TOBY:

Cool. Is Michael still in Zurich with

Fatty?

SUZY:

Back this morning. Michael says

Fatty’s in a bad mood. He’s got water

retention.

TOBY:

Christ. I wouldn’t want to be around

when that blows. I can probably

organise some spare tents for the

flood victims. D’you know, Fatty’s

the first Foreign secretary to have

really understood globalisation by

physically achieving it.

Toby heads off. He's feeling chipper. It's a new dawn,

is it not?

Page 2

IN THE LOOP SHOOTING SCRIPT @ 11/6/08

3 INT. DFID OPEN PLAN OFFICE 3

JUDY:

Mark, are you co-ordinating that

millenium goals press release?

Yes.

MARK:

JUDY:

Well co-ordinate it better.

MARK:

Yes, can do.

JUDY:

Is that the Minister? Bloody nail -

has anyone got a nail file?

4 INT. DFID OPEN PLAN OFFICE - MORNING 4

SIMON is arriving with JUDY. Simon carrying his red

dispatch box. Simon’s worried.

SIMON:

Have we heard anything from Malcolm

about last night’s interview?

No not yet.

JUDY:

SIMON:

Perhaps he didn’t hear it.

JUDY:

Or maybe he’s dead.

SIMON:

(with a degree of genuine

hope)

He might be dead. He might have had

that massive stroke we’ve all been

waiting for. It’s in the post.

JUDY:

He’ll want you to row back from the

‘unforeseeable’ thing on Question Time

tonight.

SIMON:

Fine, I can row. I rowed for my

college. Well, I was a cox. On

Question Time, you know the funny

question they always ask at the end?

Page 3

IN THE LOOP SHOOTING SCRIPT @ 11/6/08

4 CONTINUED:
4

JUDY:

Yes?

SIMON:

Can we prep that now? I want to shine

on the funny question, cos I’m a funny

guy. With a light touch.

5 INT. MALCOLM'S OFFICE - MORNING 5

Malcolm and Sam still listening to Simon’s interview.

SIMON (V.O.)

..really kick the diarrhoea ball into

touch. Then, hopefully, that will

strike another blow in the war against

preventable diseases.

INTERVIEWER (V.O.)

You mention the word war there...

MALCOLM:

Steady Eddie!

SIMON (V.O.)

(oh sh*t)

...against preventable diseases, yes.

INTERVIEWER (V.O.)

All the evidence now points to a US

military intervention in the Middle

East. Is that your view?

MALCOLM:

Straight bat, Simon. C’mon. Pump him

full of drivel.

SIMON (V.O.)

Well it really isn’t for me, Eddie, to

announce the Prime Minister’s

position on any...

MALCOLM:

Bat it away! You're English, cricket's

your thing! Cricket and incest, come

on!

INTERVIEWER (V.O.)

But a personal opinion -- as a man who

deals with the fallout from foreign

policy on a daily basis?

SIMON (V.O.)

Well, personally, I think that war is

unforeseeable.

Page 4

IN THE LOOP SHOOTING SCRIPT @ 11/6/08

5 CONTINUED:

5

MALCOLM:

No. You don’t. You were given the

briefing note on this, you useless

cock-bun

INTERVIEWER (V.O.)

Unforeseeable?

SIMON (V.O.)

(sh*t again)

Yes.

MALCOLM:

(getting up, calling on

his mobile)

Sam, I'm away to International

Development to pull Simon Foster’s

hair.

(on phone)

Yeah. He did not say that. Okay? No,

you may have heard him say that, but

he didn’t actually say that...and

that’s a fact.

And he’s gone.

6

EXT/INT. DFID - MORNING/INT. MICHAEL’S FO OFFICE -6

MORNING:

Toby is walking towards DFID. As he nears the building

he finds himself next to Malcolm, who is heading in

too. Toby is on the phone.

INTERCUT PHONE CALL:

TOBY:

Are you going to keep ringing me up

every two minutes, because you’re

starting to remind me of my mum. And

that could lead to all sorts of

erectile dysfunction.

Suzy is still in the FO office.

SUZY:

I’m just checking whether you put last

night’s lasagne in the fridge.

In the FO office, MICHAEL arrives. He has a small

suitcase and a paper bag. He holds this up.

MICHAEL:

(mouthing)

Croissants!

Back with Malcolm, Toby close by. Malc’s on the phone.

Page 5

IN THE LOOP SHOOTING SCRIPT @ 11/6/08

6 CONTINUED:
6

MALCOLM:

No. You're fine to go ahead and print

that. It's lies, you'd be lying, but

go ahead. He did not say

unforeseeable. No he did not. Oh, just

before you go -- when I tell your wife

about you and Angela Heaney at the

Blackpool conference...would email be

better? Or a phone call?

Toby is now next to Malcolm in a lift). Malcolm becomes

aware of him.

TOBY:

No, it’s fine, it’s in the fridge. I

put some clingfilm over it.

In the FO office, Michael switches on some classical

music.

SUZY:

Why did you put clingfilm on it?

TOBY:

To keep it fresh.

Malcolm starts dialling on his phone.

SUZY:

It’s in the fridge, that’ll keep it

fresh.

TOBY:

No, but it still might dry out.

MALCOLM:

(into phone)

YOU F***ING RELAX!

Michael hands Suzie a croissant.

MICHAEL:

(knowing Toby is on the

other end of the line)

Still slightly warm. That’s how I

like my women as well.

SUZY:

Clingfilm is carcinogenic, Toby.

TOBY:

No it isn’t. That’s a myth. Clingfilm

is perfectly safe.

Malcolm now eyeing Toby with suspicion/contempt -- who

is this dick? Toby tries to smile, lowers his voice,

embarrassed.

Rate this script:5.0 / 3 votes