In the Loop Page #5

LIZA:

You're an only child, right?

CHAD:

So what? My parents were older

parents. You bring this up whenever

you run out of arguments.

Liza walk off, over to Karen.

20 INT. FOREIGN OFFICE LOBBY - DAY 20

Karen is back, huddled up with Liza.

KAREN:

My teeth hurt. I think the veneers are

chipped. Do they look chipped.

Liza stares into Karen's mouth.

LIZA:

I'm not sure. Have you got any

painkillers?

TOBY:

(shouting)

Hey Liza!

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20 CONTINUED:
20

LIZA:

Oh ... Hi ... hi?

She knows him but can’t immediately place him.

TOBY:

Toby? It’s Toby.

Karen’s starting to go. She can’t carry on shouting.

LIZA:

Hi. Hi.

She makes the phone sign. He gives a thumbs up, she

thinks he’s misread the phone sign and gestures, or

email by doing typing in the air. Toby signs back,

yeah, call on the phone or email - does the typing

back.

TOBY:

She did the Kennedy scholarship at my

college. I had a small thing for her.

JUDY:

I can imagine.

TOBY:

I’m not sure she remembered me.

JUDY:

No, that is one of the side effects of

Rohypnol.

21 EXT. FOREIGN OFFICE - DAY 21

The conversation is continuing between Simon Judy and

Toby as they exit the FO.

SIMON:

Yeah. Jesus. I really really hope

there’s not a war. It’s going to be a

nightmare. It's bad enough having to

cope with the f***ing Olympics.

They appear outside. There’s a press pack of 10 or so

reporters and photographers there.

PRESS:

Minister!/Simon!/Mr Foster!

Simon is taken aback.

SIMON:

F***. Who let the dogs out? We don’t

need this.

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JUDY:

Er, you wanted a chance to row back

on the war. Do you want to nail the

line?

SIMON:

What? No. No. I’ll freestyle it.

The press are calling.

REPORTER 1

Is war unforeseeable Minister?

REPORTER 2

Karen Clark’s people say you are

ruling out British involvement. Is

that the case is that Government

policy?

SIMON:

(to the press)

Hello there. Yes, I stand by my view

that war is unforeseeable.

(beat)

However, sometimes we don't see things

coming. But that doesn't mean they

aren't there. Yes?

REPORTER:

So is it there, or isn't it there?

JUDY:

(to Toby)

It’s a bit like listening to a pub

bore talking to his dog.

SIMON:

Look,

(grappling now)

...loads of things that are actually

very likely are also unforeseeable.

Y’know, For the plane in the fog the

mountain is unforeseeable, but then

it, is suddenly very real and

inevitable.

Toby and Judy look at one another. This isn’t good.

JUDY:

That was like scat. Political scat.

Boobdiydoopidydopdo-ountainofconflictdah!

The press pack are looking for more.

REPORTER:

Sorry, are you saying that...?

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SIMON:

What I’m saying is that to - walk the

road of peace, sometimes you need to

be ready to climb the mountain of

conflict. Thank you!

The press are writing furiously, making calls already.

Simon tries to look confident. He and the team get into

their car.

22 INT. CAR DRIVING THRU WESTMINSTER. DAY. 22

Toby Simon and Judy on the back seat as they drive back

to the Department.

SIMON:

(under his breath)

Pee poo belly bum drawers. F*** sh*t

arse cock bollocks.

(to Judy)

Why didn't we nail the line?

JUDY:

I did try to warn you.

SIMON:

You did try to warn me but you didn't

actually stop me, did you?. That's

like shouting 'Train!' as I get hit by

a train. Are you warning me there's a

train? Or are you just going,

(stupid voice)

'Look! Train!'.

JUDY'S and SIMON'S phones start ringing. They each

check the number.

SIMON (CONT'D)

Oh sh*t. It's Malcolm.

JUDY:

It's Malcolm for me too.

SIMON:

How does he do that?

(he answers, tentatively)

Hello?

23 INT. NUMBER 10. DAY. 23

Malcolm has two phones on the go. He’s watching the SKY

NEWS coverage of Simon’s mini-press coverage. It has a

‘Government ready to Climb the Mountain of Conflict’

banner running across the top.

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23

MALCOLM:

(on the phone, over TV)

Simon. You’re breaking news. I don’t

like unscheduled breaking news. Even

f***ing acts of Gods need to go

through this office, yeah? We need to

talk now.

24 INT. NUMBER TEN - DAY 24

MALCOLM, JUDY, SIMON AND TOBY....

MALCOLM:

Shut the f*** up! All of you! Look at

yourselves. You’re a f***ing disgrace.

You’re like the Three f***ing Stooges.

You want some frying pans to hit each

other with? You’re a f***ing farce. I

should just replace you with a Benny

Hill chase sequence and some jazzy

saxophone and be done with it.

SIMON:

Look Malcolm I can do without the

ritual humiliation,...you know I’m

against talking up the war...

MALCOLM:

(even angrier)

Well why the f*** did you say ‘Climb

the Mountain of Conflict.’ You sounded

like a Nazi Julie Andrews. Look, you

are a member of the cabinet. You’re

Officer Class. Don’t make waves. Don’t

do this.

SIMON:

I’m just saying I might be forced to

the verge of making a stand.

MALCOLM:

(different tack needed)

(at Toby and Judy)

Right, you two, The White Stripes,

outside.

Toby and Judy leave and wait outside the door.

MALCOLM (CONT’D, TO

SIMON) (CONT’D)

Look, I admire, I genuinely admire,

your principled stand, Simon. So, I

take it I can tell the PM you don't

want to go to Washington?

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SIMON:

To...?

MALCOLM:

Washington. The boss wants you over

there on a fact-finder. Problems we

might face if it all goes boombastic

in the Middle East.

SIMON:

Oh. Right.

MALCOLM:

But you were saying, you are on the

verge of ... what?

SIMON:

Well, look - I don't know what words I

used in the heat of the moment, but

maybe in a sense I was on the verge.

But that's the important thing - I was

on the verge. Not in any way decided.

MALCOLM:

Christ on a bendy-bus, Simon, stop

being such a faffing f***-arse.

SIMON:

I am standing my ground on the verge.

MALCOLM:

When you’re out there, Talk to Karen

Clarke at the State Department,

SIMON:

I’ll give it a whirl.

MALCOLM:

But keep away from Linton Barwick.

He’s pushing the war for Caulderwood’s

lot. I’ll deal with him. Dangerous

f***er. keeps a grenade as a

paperweight. True story.

SIMON:

Oh right. I won’t talk to him.

MALCOLM:

Right, so get off your knees, pick up

your cyanide capsules and go see Q

about your underwater car.

They leave. Outside Malcolm’s office, Simon looks at

Toby, Toby looks at Simon. This is good, right?

SIMON:

Fact finder to Washington!

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TOBY:

Brilliant!

JUDY:

(as if joining in, but

very half-hearted)

Well done.

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