In Which We Serve Page #5

Why, whatever made you think of asking that?

We was in a train coming back from Herne Bay.

Well, it's a small world, and no error!

Mum, can I leave my bridge out

while Shorty's home?

It was fate, wasn't it?

You drink your tea up, my lad,

and don't talk so soft.

They're coming over again.

Get down. Keep your heads low.

(Aircraft flies over)

# MENDELSSOHN:

Wedding march

Now, nice and still, everybody, please.

Steady. A nice smile.

(Sobs)

It seems only yesterday he was in his pram.

Hold it!

- Goodbye, Ma.

- Goodbye, Shorty.

- Goodbye. Take care of yourself.

- Good luck, old man.

Goodbye, Shorty.

Goodbye, Kath.

Here's your little lot.

Now, then. Cheerio... Mrs Blake.

Oh, it does sound funny, doesn't it?

You'll get used to it.

There's one thing I shall never get used to,

and that's you going away.

It's your own fault for marrying a sailor.

That's fairly asking for trouble, that is.

Can't trust any of'em an inch.

Wives in every port.

Coming home unexpected

and catching you having tea with the lodger.

I'm the one that will be the lodger

if I'm going to live with Kath.

That isn't for a whole week yet. Think of it.

Seven whole days of glorious life.

You'll like being with Kath, won't you?

Of course I shall.

It's you being away and me wondering

what's happening to you that I won't like.

Proceed with the following operations:

1:
Give us a kiss.

2:
Chuck us another of Mum's sandwiches.

3:
Cheer up and remember this a honeymoon.

And 4:
Give us another kiss.

Now, then, ship's company...'shun!

Oh, lay off, Shorty! You're crushing my blouse.

- Someone will see us.

- Who cares?

(Door opens)

Hello, Blake. What are you doing here?

- I'm on my honeymoon, sir.

- That's splendid. Congratulations.

Thank you, sir. This is my wife, Mrs Blake.

- How do you do?

- Pleased to meet you, I'm sure.

Alix, come and meet my shipmate and his wife.

They've just been married.

Ordinary Seaman Blake, Mrs Blake - my wife.

- How do you do? I hope you'll be very happy.

- Thanks ever so.

But we're old friends. He practically

saved my life when I came on board.

My foot slipped on the gangway,

and I nearly fell overboard. Do you remember?

- Yes, ma'am.

- Will you live in Plymouth?

Yes... that is, when he goes to sea again.

Chief Petty Officer Hardy's

her uncle by marriage, sir.

She's going to live at their place for the duration.

But we're spending the next few days

in Torquay.

Very nice, too. You begin as you intend

to go on, Mrs Blake. Keep him in order.

My wife rules me with a rod of iron.

It's been quite successful so far.

Don't talk such nonsense.

I'm never allowed to have my own way.

Well, we won't interrupt you any longer.

Report him to me if he doesn't behave.

- Goodbye. The very best of luck.

- Thanks very much.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye for the present, sir.

- Have a good time. Enjoy your leave.

- Thank you, sir.

Coincidence them going to Torquay

for their honeymoon.

I thought that at the time,

but I didn't want to go on about it.

That first quarrel we had, remember?

When you went stamping off

to listen to the band and came back in tears.

It was only because they were playing

The Blue Danube.

That always makes me feel

pent-up and emotional.

That wasn't why you were in tears.

Don't pretend it was.

If I was in tears at all, which I hotly deny,

it was because that was when I discovered

what a disagreeable character you have.

Still, it was a good honeymoon,

as honeymoons go.

It went awfully quickly.

(Whistles The Blue Danube)

Stop it, Teddy. I refuse to be made sentimental

in the middle of a Great Western lunch.

Eat up your delicious piece of railway fish

and behave yourself.

- Damn!

- What's the matter?

That thing positively haunts me.

I'd have given my eyeteeth for a show like that.

Never mind, darling.

There'll be lots of other shows and

lots of other chances before the war's over.

(Wind howls)

Some damned poet at some time or other

wrote a very appealing little piece

about "the tiny feet of the rain".

There's a man I'd like to meet. I'd kill him.

Well, I'm going down to the wardroom.

Keep a stiff upper lip, old boy.

(Laughter)

Five on six,

two on three,

and ten - just what the doctor ordered.

The Doctor hasn't ordered a damn thing,

apart from a few doses of Cascara

and one splint since the ship commissioned.

That, I may say,

is what's getting the Doctor down.

Years of expensive medical training

resulting in complete atrophy.

H o Docto r w s h os h o was doad

Someone give the Doctor a drink.

- Mitchell, a glass of port for the Doctor.

- Thank you.

There, just the girl I wanted.

- You do have the damnedest luck.

- Skill, old boy, sheer undiluted skill.

The usual triumph of mind over matter.

- It's a stinking awful night.

- Hello, No.1.

Mitchell, a gin for the First Lieutenant.

Thanks, Torps.

The sea is getting up

and I've got the middle watch.

Hey, stop. You should put the ten on the nine.

I never noticed the damn thing!

Here's peace, peace, perfect peace,

with loved ones far away.

- Feeling all right, old man?

- Yes. Why?

- Sure you're not running a temperature?

- No, of course not.

First time you haven't been late for a watch

since we commissioned.

- You're two minutes early.

- I'm sorry, sir. It won't occur again, sir.

Bearing green 3-0, vessel on fire.

(Bell)

Yes?

- Captain, vessel on fire, bearing green 3-0.

- Press the alarm rattlers.

(Rings)

Come on.

I was dreaming I was in a Turkish harem

and some fathead

has to go and sound off action stations.

I wondered why you was pinching me.

Report to TS

when closed up and cleared away.

Looks like a line of destroyers.

Number one gun cleared away.

Number two gun cleared away. Bore clear.

Number three gun cleared away.

All guns closed up and cleared away.

Communications tested.

All quarters closed up to action stations.

- Very good. Open fire.

- Open shutter. Star shell commence.

Open shutter.

Star shell commence, commence, commence.

Well done, guns. We've beaten them to it.

(Rapid gunfire)

(Horn)

They've fired now.

Train right a little.

Hold the leading destroyer.

Right, four stars.

Go on!

They've gone over.

(Guns pound)

(Explosion)

Go on. Stack'em up.

Go on!

Don't go to sleep down there. Come on.

Get it up

Layer on!

Ready

We've hit. Keep it up.

- Stop star shell.

- Stop star shell.

Star shell check, check, check.

We've hit again.

(Explosion)

(Explosion)

(Explosion)

(Explosion)

(Explosion)

(Explosion)

Torpedo tracks starboard, sir.

Stop, boys, midships.

Close all watertight doors. Jettison top weight.

Keep those guns firing.

Flags, make to Tremoyne.

Take over. Continue chase.

The power's off, sir.

Number one and number two mountings,

carry on firing.

Number one and number two mountings,

carry on firing

Number one and number two mountings,

carry on firing

Number one and number two mountings,

carry on firing.

Number one mounting, carry on firing.

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