Inbred Page #2

- Okay now. Go all out wood.

- What about it?

Well, if I set fire in it.

Go off in seconds, huh?

The dirty hole.

Until one, guys.

Come on. In we go.

That's it.

- Dwight, please behave, please.

- Yeah, yes I will.

Hi there.

- Good evening.

- Good evening.

You three, move. Get on to the back bar.

Give guests who might sit down.

Move.

- There you go.

- Thank you.

Thanks. Queen Pub.

I've had it called a few things

in my time, but that's a new one.

1582 these were built. Used to

be a stop-off road aye women.

These walls lives in Sumesides.

I bet they are.

Quite amazing.

Lovely.

Right, I'll get the menu, then.

Right, who wants to drink?

- One.

- Yeah, I'll have one of that, please.

- Two Cokes. Sam?

- Coke.

- Tim?

- Yeah, I'll have a coke. Thanks, Kate.

Now well, what are you up to?

Well, I could do with

some hot food, actually.

- Did you see the sign?

- Yes, yes, the hot food sign.

No. Sign says "not food", not "hot food".

- Not food either.

- Right.

- We don't get it for that crown.

- Umm.

We don't have fun delight

food. We got scrunchions.

Oh, yes. Well, two bags of

scrunchions then. Thank you.

- I'm starving.

- Well, I'm starving too.

- Well?

- Pub's special. Pork scrunchions.

I am afraid but there are two types.

Hairy and smelly.

- Jeff, that's not funny.

- It's alright, Kate. Go with the flow.

Plenty of food back at the cottage. Just

gonna have to head off just without me.

Uhm mm. So much for their reward, then.

- F*** me! Look at that!

- How disgusting.

Home made there. Wife

makes soup. Specialty.

Yeah. Taste great.

So then, what can I

get you kids to drink?

Six cokes, please.

Don't sell coke, Miss. Not since...

Well, as long as I can remember.

- I can make you a lemonade.

- F***ing lemonade.

- Six lemonades then, please.

- Right. One minute. I'll make a batch now.

- Lovely, thank you.

- Thanks so much.

Lemon f***ing-nade.

They are all wrong.

Denim.

- Oh mate. You are great.

- F***ing denim.

Dwight ...

Here we are.

Nice and fresh.

Thank you. How much

do I owe you for that?

Oh no charge.

Hoops on the house.

Thank you very much.

That's very kind of you.

You are just passing through, eh?

No, we staying for the weekend. We are

doing our project with the kids, so ...

Nearest hostel and camping in Thirsk is

a good 40 mile away. My, don't go there.

No, we staying at Ravenswood

Cottage. Oop, you alright?

Don't panic.

It was empty.

Ravenswood? I didn't know

that folks staying over there.

It thought it's about

condemned, now spunk.

It was a bad of state

but we've tidied it all up.

Are you okay?

What is wrong with me tonight?

So, clean now, isn't it?

Yeah, it is actually.

It's quite cozy. It's nice.

Nice. Nice. Very nice.

Thank you.

Bit dusty. Cheers.

What the f*** was that, Jeff?

Here we go.

Here we go, tonight.

Okay, everybody,

I want to propose a toast.

To a lovely weekend

and a brilliant future.

Cheers, everyone.

Cheers.

- Are you alright?

- Yeah, I think he is slightly senile.

- It tastes like piss!

- Dwight...

Or ... there won't be tomorrow night.

The piss is pretty little bad.

Hey, hey, what are you doing?

Take it to the back, you dumb-head!

Go out laddie.

- Real lemon.

- Have you got a tissue?

Real lemons.

Guys, will you stop it.

Hello.

Who are you?

You from city?

You're pretty.

What is your name?

Do you like carrots?

Where are you going?

- Boy! Get out! Go on. Out!

- What?

You are not a guests in here.

You alright, love?

He's harmless, really.

Don't get many new faces.

Excited, that's all.

He whatever, yeah,

he a lover not a fighter.

Good to hear.

Why, just a word

of warning, though.

There's someone around these parts

that care nought for strangers.

But just as long as you keep to yourselves,

everyone is very friendly, you know.

Just say you're friends of Jim

of Dirty Hole, they all know me.

- That's correct, thanks Jim.

- Thank you.

- Sam, are you okay?

- Alright. So?

The cottage we were staying in was a

working farm for people with problems.

Place where the troubled could

recuperate away from society.

They shut all these kind of

places down in the 1970s.

What kind of problems?

People with disability issues mostly.

They also took on the mentally ill.

- All under one roof.

- Really?

Yeah, very unPC now, I know,

but was the norm back then.

Hide the problem people away.

- That's terrible.

- Yeah.

Yeah, that's terrible.

So what's the biggest

thing you ever burned?

Uhh, my school.

Oh my God.

No, it was empty.

I didn't kill anyone or anything.

Cool.

Why did you do it?

If you don't mind me asking?

No, it's cold that morning.

I was bored.

F***ing sh*t town.

Sh*t prospects.

Teachers who didn't give a toss.

I mean you sit there with all the other

kids ... all the f***ing d*ckhead kids.

Like Dwight?

Yeah, exactly like Dwight.

I mean, sit there and

let them run the class.

No, I mean, no one learned anything.

The whole system was a f***ing joke.

- So...

- Ka-boom.

Yeah, exactly. Ka-boom.

I burned the f***ing system.

Did you sleep alright, darling?

- Want some sugar?

- Yeah, please.

I didn't f***ing

touch your stuff, dude.

F***ing liar, Dwight.

I know you did.

- What's going on, boys?

Hey, I'm starving Kate.

What's for breakfast?

Tim, you okay?

I leave my things in order.

That's why I know you used them, right?

Twat didn't take his OCD

pills this morning, did he?

- F*** you Dwight.

- Yeah!

What the f*** you

gonna do, you mug?

Dwight!

Now do you want some breakfast?

I want a sausage. See I like a

sausage. Do you have one in here?

Dude, are you talking about a sausage,

or are you talking about your cock?

I thought so.

- Morning, morning.

- Morning.

Half past seven, we ought to

get going. It is a beautiful day.

Oh, we're just having some

breakfast. So Joey Beans.

- Oh, I thought you'd be done by now.

- No, just chatting.

Health and safety, I'm afraid.

Well, if it's that,

I not wearing one of these.

It got me out look

like a f***ing bin man.

- Here's a large one for you.

- A small, please.

- Thanks, Jeff.

- Tim! Catch! There you go.

Good. And one for me.

So, ETD ten minutes?

I Roger that.

- We'll be ready.

- Good. I'll be ... just great.

Come on. Don't struggle.

Early run. Let's get these

lights by to Milton Keynes.

- Absolutely beautiful.

- It depends.

- Man, how much further?

- Boring, ain't got food, does it?

Yeah, bro.

What do you do, huh?

Wait up!

- So, what are you doing here, anyway?

- What's it to you?

No, I was just saying.

- No, looking out for a boy.

- Using a gun?

Our boys are close you know.

Looking out for each other.

If someones having a gun at my

mate, I'm going to cap that f***er.

Bang!

Trains! Halleluiah.

Nuso arivay. Come on!

Overcome one-selves. That's it.

Okay.

Good luck.

Look at the graffiti on

that. It's really nice.

Oh yeah. How did they get

all these down here anyway?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes