Ingrid Goes West Page #4

-Ingrid.

-This is my brother Nicky.

He just flown from Paris

to surprise us.

Wow! Paris.

- Give me my phone.

-Hi.

- Stop!

How long are you here for?

Ah, I was thinking like,

two or three weeks tops.

Ah, i-- sorry--

wha-- two or three weeks?

-It's the best surprise ever.

-Best surprise! Eh-heh!

- Best surprise! Eh-heh!

- -Best surprise!

-Give me my phone. Give it.

-No. No. Huh-uh.

Taylor, I brought some ros!

Oh, my god,

this is such a great bottle.

I know, I thought

you liked that kind.

- Thank you.

- -All right, nice.

-Cool.

-What's your story, "Olga"?

It's Ingrid.

Do you speak French?

So I'm chilling

in the ritz lobby

and I just happen

to strike up a conversation

with this Chinese billionaire

named Bruno;

-which doesn't make any sense...

-Nicky and I both,

we studied mandarin in college.

Yes, we did bullshit back, man.

Anyway,

the next thing I know,

some security guy comes up

and Jacks us up by our throats.

So then I... I decided

it's a good idea

to take a swing at him,

of course, so...

--Ouch.

Um, sorry, I thought you were

supposed to be sober, Nicky.

I am, I am.

Anyway, cops came,

I hitched a ride to the airport.

Then I realized

I left my credit card

at the hotel.

-Right.

-But then, while I'm chilling

at the airport, at de gaulle,

guess who is right next to me?

- Are you serious?

- -Yes.

--Look, I'm done.

I gotta get another drink.

It's a really good racist story.

Keep going.

Um...

-Wow! Does that bother you-- ?

-Hey, baby,

can you get another bottle,

please?

Sure,

and a new brother too.

-Anyway, the little f***ed was--

-there's more?

- Yeah.

-I thought you were done.

He was so thankful for me

showing him a good time

that he bought me

a first-class ticket to L.A.

- That's so crazy.

-I watched 12 hours

of family guy.

He gets a hand job

from some fashion chick named

Harley something or other.

-Harley chung?

-Yes. Yes! You know her?

No, not personally, but she's

like, over a million followers.

Well, I'm having dinner with her

tomorrow night, at chateau.

- You wanna go?

- -Um, yes! Obviously.

- Yay! Let's do it.

Yay!

Except that you can't,

because we are going

to that launch party,

tomorrow night, remember?

Littledoe?

- The hats.

- -Right.

I got us on the list.

-Oh, you did.

-Oh, shoot.

-Yeah.

-Thanks. I am on list?

No, sorry.

I could barely get us on.

-Right, right.

-Yeah. It's okay,

you guys should totally go.

It sounds like a fun, fun time.

It's gonna be so fun.

Whatever, just never gonna meet

Harley, then?

Hey? Would you mind

if I bail, actually?

'Cause Nicky and I,

we never get to hangout and...

Why don't you just go

without me?

Like, you should totally

bring Dan.

Okay.

No problem.

You guys, have fun.

And I'll bring Dan. He loves

that kinda stuff anyway.

Hanging with Harley chung

at the littledoe launch party.

Sparkle emoji.

Hey. Oh. Thank you.

- Taylor!

-Ingrid!

Taylor!

Oh, my god, you made it.

Yeah, duh, I made it.

I invited you. You made it.

Well, alright, alright.

Harley, she knows the designers

so they got us vip passes.

Just really last minute.

-Hi, nice to meet you.

-Hi, nice to meet you.

Oh, god! Where's

your imaginary boyfriend?

Sorry?

You guys were joking

about it too.

No, we were just--

we were saying that

we'd love to meet Daniel.

We haven't met him yet

and he just made a joke

about him being

-your imaginary boyfriend.

-I wasn't joking.

And we know

he is not imaginary.

--I know.

- No, he's not imaginary.

- -No?

He's just busy tonight.

He's a writer so--

oh, really?

Like-- like a ghost writer?

He's a-- come on,

i know it's funny.

I got an idea. Why don't you

come to Harley's house?

She's house sitting

for this super-rich dude

-in the hills.

-Yeah.

We're gonna have a pool party,

it will be awesome.

- You can come this weekend.

- -Bring Dan.

- If that's okay.

-This weekend?

-If that's cool.

-That's right, invite everyone.

-I will. I just invited Ingrid

-baby, you should come.

Yeah, so bring

a bathing suit,

lots of sunscreen, a nice hat,

and your boyfriend obviously.

Excuse me, miss?

Can I have your name?

-Sorry?

-Can I have your name, please?

-Oh, Ingrid.

-Last name?

-Thorburn.

-Thorburn?

Thorburn? There's

no thorburn on this list.

I'm on the list, I've been

on the list for like two weeks.

And you know what, sir,

she's actually with us.

- So, it's totally cool.

- -Yeah, it's cool.

So sorry, we got a full house.

It's a vips only tonight.

Oh, boy.

Oh, my god, I'm so sorry.

He was so mean.

You have to leave.

Oh, really?

Well, how about I just text you

about the weekend

and send you

all the information?

-Please.

-Okay, cool.

- Okay, bye.

-Bye!

-What do you what?

-Nothing, I just...

Came by to say hi.

That's nice. Hi.

And I got you this.

-What is it?

-Open it.

Nice try, Ingrid.

-What? You don't like it?

-No, of course I love it.

That's why I bought it on ebay

two years ago.

-Good looks, though.

-Right. There's more. Look.

See? Indica.

Anybody who knows me,

knows I only smoke sativa.

And an eight-ball

would've been more appropriate,

don't you think?

Look, I'm trying. Okay?

That jacket cost like $400.

Eight thousand dollars' worth

of damage to my truck.

-I should throw you out.

-Okay, I'm sorry.

I did something really shitty.

I took advantage of you

and I feel really bad about it.

Okay?

I made a mistake.

Can we please just start over

and pretend it never happened?

Like a reboot?

Okay!

Yes. Like a reboot.

Can I take you to dinner?

Can I pick the place?

You get Jim carrey

as the riddler...

That has-- that should make

you wanna see anything

kilmer, val kilmer.

He could kill everybody

in this f***ing room right now.

Homie Joel? Joel schumacher.

Joel schumacher? Yes, he was

the best Batman, for sure.

-Me too, i--

-no, no, no. He's the director.

Joel.

You like this place?

-Yeah, it's cool.

-Chill spot. I know I like it.

-Do you come here a lot?

-Way too often.

They would charge me rent,

if they could.

-Dan?

-Hey! Cindy. How are you?

-I'm so good, how are you?

-Good. You're looking well.

-Oh, my gosh,

it's been so long since

I've seen you.

Yeah, you know.

Jus-- just working.

-Well, you're a busy man.

-Well, that means he is--

we're on a date.

-Oh, um, sorry.

-Alright.

Whoa, catwoman has claws.

I like that.

Why do you like Batman so much?

What's not to like about Batman?

I'm sorry, it's just,

i don't understand.

He's just another superhero

like spiderman or superman--

that's where you are wrong.

Batman is the world's

greatest detective.

Nothing radioactive bit him.

He's not from another planet.

He's just like you or I.

All Batman's powers come

from within him.

He had enough will

and enough focus

to make himself greater

than what he was.

And...

He... in the beginning,

before he's Batman,

he loses his parents.

That definitely stuck with me.

As an orphan, I definitely felt

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