Inside Man Page #6

Jesus!

What's the point of this?

Like my man 50 says,

"Get rich or die tryin'."

Yo, you'd get mad points

for knocking over the bank.

- You think that's cool?

- Hell, yeah. You trying to get paid, too.

Finish your slice.

I'll take you back to your father.

I got to talk to him about this game.

- Is it good?

- No doubt.

It's gonna be okay.

Cool.

You'll be home soon.

That's whassup.

- Sir?

- Yeah.

- No luck with the Albanian Consulate.

- What do you mean?

I couldn't tell what the guy

was talking about. I think he wanted money.

And I tried the State Department.

That takes a month.

Okay.

- Call her.

- Are you crazy?

- I hate that b*tch. Come on.

- You said she speaks Albanian, right?

- Yeah, she was born there.

- Call her.

I'm gonna regret this.

- Who's Detective Frazier?

- Right here.

- I have llina Maria over here.

- Miritia.

- Oh, how you doing?

- Hello.

How you doing?

- What's this?

- Parking tickets. You can fix them?

Yeah, I'll see what I can do.

Can you listen to this

and tell us what they're saying?

You can't smoke in here.

Sh*t. Go ahead.

What's so funny?

What, you know what they're talking about?

I know what they're talking about.

I even know who it is.

You know who it is?

You mean you know their names?

- Who? I mean, who is it?

- Parking tickets?

- They're taken care of. Who is it?

- It's Enver Hoxha.

- Who?

- He was the president of Albania.

Wait.

You're telling me the former president

of Albania is in there robbing a bank?

Enver Hoxha's dead.

That's a tape of him discussing

how Albanian people are great people.

They are immortal people. I wouldn't worry.

It's a tape. You're sure about that?

I had to listen to all this nonsense

in school.

"Communism is great. Capitalism is evil.

Lenin, Marx, blah, blah, blah. "

It's Enver Hoxha. It's a tape.

Okay. Okay, well,

Officer, you can take her home.

And do me a favour, huh?

Watch where you park next time, okay?

So, they're playing tapes for us now.

They knew we were gonna bug them.

Yeah, you're damn right they knew we were

gonna bug them. And they knew how.

What makes it even worse,

they wanted us to bug them

so they could send us

on a wild goose chase.

Last time I had my johnson

pulled that good, it cost me $5.

$5?

Yeah, Tijuana. Don't ask.

Look at the... Oh, f*** that.

- Detective Frazier. Nice to meet you.

- My pleasure.

This is Madeleine White.

- How do you do, Miss White?

- It's an honour, Detective.

Miss White may be able to assist you.

Good. Good. What do you have in mind?

She has a certain amount of influence

in these matters

for reasons which I can't share with you.

What are you trying to say, sir?

What the Mayor means

is that there are matters at stake here

that are a little bit above your pay grade.

No offence.

And he's offering to help you.

Well, why don't you just tell the Mayor

to raise my pay grade to the proper level

and problem solved.

From what I hear, that would have happened

a long time ago

if you'd been a little bit more diplomatic.

But we can certainly discuss it.

Look, I'm kidding. I mean,

I make First Grade when I make First Grade.

You want to speed that up,

I'm not gonna talk you out of it.

Then there's also the matter of $140,000

that seems to have walked away

from the Madrugada cheque-cashing bust.

Oh, I see.

Well, I had nothing to do with that.

Yeah, Collins, we got snipers

in the windows here.

We got guys in the building next door.

Guys up on the roof.

We're trying to get the blueprints

for the bank

so we can figure out the ventilator shaft.

Maybe we can come down.

Well?

Is this the President of Albania?

- Speaking.

- Pretty funny.

- You shouldn't eavesdrop on people.

- Well, you better get used to it, pal.

There's not gonna be much privacy

where you're going.

You're damn right.

This time next week,

I'll be sucking down pia coladas

in a hot tub with six girls

named Amber and Tiffany.

More like taking a shower with two guys

named Jamal and Jesus,

if you know what I mean.

And here's the bad news,

that thing you're sucking on,

it's not a pia colada.

- Maybe you like that kind of thing, huh?

- You really want to piss me off.

All right, here's where we stand.

I don't need

your f***ing status report, Serpico.

I tell you where things stand.

- Sure, sure. I just meant...

- Here's where things stand.

You're getting me what I asked you for.

You'll have it ready in the time I gave you

or you'll sit by and you'll watch me do

just what I said I would do. Clear?

Very clear.

I'm trying to get you what you want.

But you got to understand this.

You know, it's not like the City of New York

has 747 s waiting around for days like today.

I understand that if you don't get

my plane ready,

- then you might as well send a hearse.

- Please.

Let's focus on how we can both

get what we want, all right?

Hey! You're not listening.

You get me what I want, I won't kill anyone.

All right. I'm on it. I'm on it.

Let's just try to keep everybody calm, okay?

- Don't I sound calm to you?

- Yeah, you do.

Yeah, you do.

- So, Mr Damerjian...

- Damerjian.

- Damerjian. Is that Albanian?

- Just call me Kenneth.

- Kenneth?

- Is that Albanian or...

It's Armenian.

What's the difference?

Detective, I was born in Queens.

I've never been to Armenia, Albania.

I went surfing in Australia once.

Can I have a glass of water?

- Are you thirsty?

- My throat's parched.

- I'm not nervous.

- Your throat's parched?

- My throat's parched.

- His throat is parched.

- I just want a glass of water.

- Oh, sh*t!

When you start telling us

what really happened...

- I just want a glass of water.

- His throat is parched.

- Here. You want some coffee?

- No, that's all right.

- I don't drink that stuff.

- No, go ahead.

Did you know they were robbing the bank?

I didn't know they were robbing the bank

until they pulled a gun in my face.

Is that why you held the door open

for them?

How do you know they robbed the bank?

Because they pulled a gun in my face...

That doesn't mean they were

robbing the bank.

Did they take money?

Did you see them take money?

I was in a bank and I was locked up

for who knows how long.

- Okay.

- Tied up in a room. I saw you see me.

You saw me see you?

- Is that what you just said?

- Yeah.

I was locked up in the room.

You saw me gagged when you came in.

Listen, I can't work miracles over here.

I'm gonna need more time.

Well, perhaps if you'd use the time

that I gave you more efficiently,

you wouldn't be having this problem.

- What do you want me to say?

- That my plane is ready.

Okay, listen.

I promise you, as God is my witness,

I'm working on it as hard as I can.

It's just gonna take a few more hours.

Why should I give you any more time?

Well, it's simple. You give me more time,

you get what you want.

You don't give me the time,

you don't get what you want.

You got nothing to lose.

Meanwhile, we'll send in some more food.

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