Inside Man Page #7

I got a question for you.

You get it right, I give you more time.

- And?

- You know what happens if you don't.

Which weighs more?

All the trains that pass through

Grand Central Station in a year,

or the trees cut down to print

all US currency in circulation?

Here's a hint. It's a trick question.

What the hell is that? Playing games now?

It's the trains.

US money isn't printed on paper at all.

It's cotton.

- Yeah, I heard that.

- Yeah, that's right.

- Okay.

- So no trees were cut down.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah. 100%%.

Okay.

I got it.

- Wait a second. Wait a second.

- I'll call you back.

It's a trap. They both weigh the same.

Tell him they both weigh the same.

They both weigh nothing.

They both weigh nothing

or they both weigh the same?

Tell him they both weigh the same.

Tell him they both weigh the same.

Do it now.

They both weigh the same. Got it.

- Well?

- They both weigh the same.

This time, send sandwiches.

That's pretty good. This guy's nuts.

He said, "Grand Central Station. "

Grand Central Terminal is the train station.

- Grand Central Station is the post office.

- Is the post office.

He's wrong.

Who's wrong?

Perp One.

Trains don't pass through Grand Central.

It's the last stop for every train.

- What about the subway? They run through.

- Metro-North goes there.

- How the f*** do you know?

- Metro-North goes there!

No. Metro-North starts there.

What are you guys talking about?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

- Metro-North goes through!

- Let's just get the sandwiches.

- Metro-North...

- Deal is, he said, "Passes through. "

Yeah, but the Metro-North goes up

there, though.

Look, shut up. It doesn't matter, anyway.

I know what he meant.

What he said is one thing,

but what he meant is another.

Yeah.

That's always a problem, isn't it?

Sandwiches.

I'm on it, I'm on it.

You know, right now I could go for

a nice kosher hot dog and a beer.

I had Met tickets tonight.

And Pedro's pitching!

They're gonna get their asses

kicked anyway.

Tell me about it. I'm better off here.

I'm glad they didn't separate us.

- Do you think they're terrorists?

- They're robbers, not terrorists.

How do you know? They could be Al-Qaeda.

Trust me. I've studied these things.

- What are you, Mossad?

- No. I was a lawyer.

Now I teach courses at Columbia Law

on genocide, slave labour,

- war reparation claims.

- Mira.

- Can I sue anybody when this is over?

- Oh, sure. Go nuts.

Go meshuga.

Now that's a good looking shithole.

- Hello?

Hey, baby, how you doing?

Baby, I'm worried about you.

You coming home?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Soon.

It's gonna be a long night, though,

so don't wait up for me.

Why don't you let me come down there?

Because I don't want to be

distracted by you, that's why.

Well, if you're still there when I come

on duty in the morning, you will see me.

- I cannot wait. I cannot wait.

- So, how you doing?

It's all right. We got a couple

of the hostages out. Thanks a lot.

- No, no. How you doing?

- I'm doing okay. I'm doing all right.

Oh, I saw the Mayor on TV. He said

you're doing a great job. I saw you, too.

- You saw me on TV?

- Yeah.

- How'd I look?

- You looked good, baby. Real good.

- All right, listen. I got to go.

- All right. Hey.

- Keep your head down.

- All right, I will. Love you.

Come on.

So, are we clear about the ground rules?

- There's no need to worry, Detective.

- I get paid to worry, okay?

I just need you to look me in the eye

and make me believe that you understand

everything we talked about.

- I understand.

- Okay.

Someone here wants to talk to you.

- Hello?

- Who is this?

Let's not get into any names.

- What matters is what I can offer you.

- And what's that?

Well, if I can be assured

that certain interests are protected,

I might be able to help you get

what you came for.

I doubt that.

Tell me about these interests

that you are trying to protect.

Why don't you let me worry about that?

Now, what is it you were hoping to get out

of all this?

- Rich, of course.

- Of course.

But you may have bitten off

more than you can chew.

- How?

- I can't discuss that on the phone.

- You work for the bank?

- No.

And you're not a cop.

That's right.

Come on in.

You got 10 minutes. No more.

If you're not out

before the lights come back on,

you can stay inside until this thing is over.

- You don't need to threaten me.

- That's not a threat, lady, but this is.

I know this game is a mile over my head,

but I'm telling you, if you f*** me over...

I got where I am by collecting friends,

not enemies.

Trust me, okay?

You're on your own.

What makes you think

I need help?

Well,

the hundred people outside, for starters.

It's not a problem.

And they're fuelling

your jet right now as we speak.

Come on. You're not that stupid.

Here's what I'm thinking.

If you give up now,

I can ensure that you'll serve the minimum.

I'm thinking three years,

four years at the most.

You can arrange that?

Well, you haven't hurt anyone

or stolen anything,

so yes, as a matter of fact, I can.

- It's not good enough.

- Well, I wasn't finished.

When you get out, you'll have $2 million.

Will I? How?

We'll put it someplace safe and it'll be

waiting for you when you get out.

Thanks.

But no, thanks.

Oh, come on. I made you such a sweet offer.

I really don't think you have much

in the way of alternatives.

Why don't you talk to me about these

interests that you're in here to protect?

- I'm afraid I can't.

- I can.

Let me tell you a story.

During World War ll, there was an American

working for a bank in Switzerland.

Now, I don't need to tell you

that this period in history

was rife with opportunity

for people of low morals.

People like this man.

He used his position with the Nazis

to enrich himself while all around him

people were being stripped

of everything they owned.

Then he used his blood money

to start a bank.

Now,

does this sound like

it might be the man you work for?

Or am I just whistling Dixie out of my ass?

- I believe we understand each other.

- Good.

So, what the hell can you do for me

since I clearly know more than you do,

and I've planned this to perfection?

Believe me, if I need to,

I can change your entire programme.

So, the sooner

that you stop being my problem

and you start becoming my solution,

the better off you'll be.

- What is it you want?

- Two minutes.

The safety deposit box room.

I just need to go to one box.

Looking for this?

This could be very embarrassing

to your employer.

He should have destroyed this

a long time ago.

He didn't, so now it's mine.

Now, if the day ever comes

where I have to stand before a judge

and account for what I did here,

you and your boss

will do whatever it takes to help me.

You get out of here with that envelope,

and we'll pay you a lot of money.

I'll keep that in mind.

You're not gonna tell me how you're

planning to get out of here, are you?

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