Insignificance Page #4

we thought it'd be nice to sleep with.

- You came in third on mine.

- Third?

Then I figured out how old you are.

And you struck me off.

No, silly.

I moved you to the top.

Thank you.

But, no, thank you.

But you can't just throw me out

onto the streets at this hour.

I suppose not.

You're welcome to stay.

But...

I shall sleep in the bathtub.

- Don't be absurd.

- It's a fine American tradition.

But you can't sleep in the bathtub.

Well, Cary Grant did it

in the only American movie that I saw.

And if it's good enough for him,

it's good enough for me.

Look, we don't have to make love.

Wouldn't it be nice

just to share the bed?

Perhaps I could give you my phone number,

and you'd be welcome to visit me in my home.

But you'd never find the time for me.

I'd just end up on first-name terms

with your answering service.

I don't have an answering service.

I have a secretary whose first name

is a mystery to me.

I have a small house on a large river...

full of fish that I can't catch.

And I do have a great deal of time

to offer there.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I have none to offer you beyond tonight.

I just hoped we could come together somehow

in the middle of all this.

For an hour or so.

- Then don't go.

- Mmm.

Yeah, but still

I've got to sleep in the bathtub.

You're calculating

the shape of space, right?

Yes.

And when you've finished...

you'll have expressed the precise nature

of the physical universe.

So?

So...

So do it tomorrow.

It'll be here. I won't.

# Love is full of memories #

# And when it's gone #

# Well, baby, life goes on ##

Come on, baby.

Don't you want me tonight? Huh?

Don't you need me? Huh?

Oh, I wish they'd switch me off.

I prefer to look up.

The stars.

The stars are so far away.

They make me feel small...

and lonely.

All who look up

feel small and lonely...

like the rest.

Does that make you feel better?

A little.

Well then.

Well then what?

Well then, what the hell.

Hey.

Is it late or early?

It's relative.

Your watch... it's just there.

It hasn't told me the right time

since I was 11 years old.

Did you drop it?

No. I picked it up

with a huge electromagnet.

- Hey, let's see what's she's wearing!

- Why don't we get the watch?

Oh, darling, it's beautiful.

Oh.

You don't know what this means to me.

Really? Those are real diamonds.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

I'II drink to that.

Wait, wait. Wait, wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

- What time is it?

- Don't worry about the time.

What do you say to me, baby?

Hey!

Okay. I can get it.

- Where the hell you been?

- Well, I was asked to...

She took my goddamn watch!

It's all right.

Don't worry, sweetheart.

It's all right, doll.

Hey!

Open up, you dumb broad!

- I know you're in there!

- Who is it?

Oh, just a fan.

Do your fans always follow you

that persistently?

Only those I marry.

You want me to get a passkey?

All I have to do is find the night man

and sign my name, and I'm in just like that!

- You want me to do that?

- Could you please be quiet?

He's famous?

He hit home safely in 66 straight games,

with an average of.351.

Are you kidding?

He's God.

- Should we let him in?

- No! He's angry!

You think by keeping him out,

he'll get happy?

- Excuse me! Sir?

- Are you hiding in the john?

Don't even think about it!

There's no place you can hide!

Now open the door!

- Open up!

- Excuse me!

I think he's just angry, not livid,

the way he's banging.

- How can you tell?

- He's not using his head.

Now look here.

I'm going to have to call the hotel detective.

- I'll go talk to him.

- Don't! You can't go talk to him.

So you finally slept with the delicatessen.

Hey, buddy. Do you speak English?

Yes, I do.

Good.

So is my wife in there with you?

- If she's not in there, then tell me.

- Please, no.

As a man of honor, I'll believe you...

- And I'll leave you to sleep.

- Will you let me get some sleep here?

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna count to 10.

One...

You've never counted past three

in your whole life, you dumb ox!

Sh*t.

One, two, three, home!

That's far as you ever bothered to go!

You go lock yourself in the bathroom.

- Better let me in.

- Certainly not.

Yes.

I warn you, I'm calling the police!

- Oh.

- Sir?

Hi.

I ain't angry with you.

I'm just disappointed.

That's all.

Listen.

If you so much as make a move

towards the man I'm with...

I swear to God,

I'll be in that elevator.

And that's the last you're gonna see me

for a very long time.

Well, that's a very big joke.

If I want to see my wife,

I just go to the movies.

If I want to see you in your underwear...

I go down to the corner

like all the other guys.

- Be warned.

- What?

- So you screwed another shrink.

- We were just talking.

Talking until 5:
00 in the morning?

That's-That's hard to believe perhaps.

No.

No, it's not hard to believe.

If she can talk through the entire World Series,

she can talk till 5:00 any morning.

What I want to know is

why you got no clothes on.

Uh... Uh...

It's a dog of a night.

Ain't it though?

Get your coat.

I'll come... when we've finished talking.

Okay. Finish talking.

But talk fast.

Now you tell her what Floyd said.

- Floyd?

- Yeah.

Freud.

Look, she's been to a dozen shrinks.

She tells you she can't have

a stable relationship...

because she hated her mother.

You tell her the reason

she can't have a stable relationship...

is because she hated her mother!

She pays you $50, comes back next week.

You make a pass at her, and then she goes

and finds another shrink.

I've seen it all before.

Me and Floyd, we're old buddies.

Freud!

Let me tell you, I've met her mother,

and she's easy to hate.

So anyone who hates her mother...

there's nothing wrong with 'em.

Stepmother.

I'II tell you who I hate.

It's you bunch of guys that I hate!

- Honey!

- What?

Please! Just sit...

Just sit down and shut up!

Okay. Just talk smart.

- Where were we?

- Mm-hmm. Hmm?

Doc.

You were discussing her head.

It just so happens we were discussing

the shape of the physical universe.

You're gonna start

with the easy ones first, huh?

Well, I suppose we could

discuss something we all know about...

but that would limit us

to the last nine World Series...

and the names of the Seven Dwarfs.

You better shift right now.

Well, six of them at least.

One!

- The shape of the universe.

- Two! I'm counting.

This isn't an appropriate time to discuss that.

Three.

Please let's talk.

- Please. Try four.

- Try home.

Can't you see

the man doesn't want to talk?

Now get off your butt, and let's go.

What is the shape of the universe?

It's not important.

You have things to discuss.

Goddamn it!

You tell her

the shape of the friggin' universe.

I wanna take her home!

Tell her!

Please.

- Uh...

- Tell her!

Well, the-the shape of the universe

is difficult to describe.

Um, if I were to explain it,

it would come out as abstract symbols...

but I'II tell you how to imagine it.

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