Insignificance Page #5

Imagine a dot so small

that it has zero dimensions.

You extend the dot

into a one-dimensional line.

You turn around the line,

and you've got a two-dimensional circle.

You flip the circle, and you've got

a three-dimensional sphere.

And you've got that sphere,

and you turn it into the fourth dimension...

and you got the shape of the uni...

You have the shape of the universe, but...

I know. I know how... I know now

exactly how you can imagine it.

Take a completely solid object...

a completely solid object...

and twist it inside out indefinitely forever...

and that's the shape of the universe.

Wow.

Bullshit.

I'II tell you what I think it is.

I think it's round.

Like everything else in nature...

like flowers, like the moon and the sun.

It's all based on a circle.

You know that? Like the world.

I don't know what you two geniuses

think the shape of the world is...

but me and Columbus

happen to think it's round.

It's a damn-lucky thing

for the United States too.

Because if it wasn't for Columbus,

we'd all be Indians.

What do you think about that?

Get your goddamn coat, and let's go.

I'm not coming.

- Why not?

- Because.

You're an idiot.

Do you want a divorce?

Is that what you want?

Oh, no.

- But we won the game.

- Yes?

Oh!

Are you okay?

Oh, I bumped my head.

Do you want to finish it?

Yes.

No.

Well, then come home.

Come home, honey,

or I swear I'm gonna get me a laeyer.

And I'm gonna disappear for weeks

so's you can't find me.

Now, Bob Dalrymple gave me

the name of a good man.

And I wrote his number down.

And I phoned him.

And he told me, with your reputation,

I'd have no trouble at all.

In fact, he even said it'd be a pleasure.

You phoned a laeyer?

Well, you haven't been home in weeks.

Yeah, I phoned a laeyer.

Okay.

You'll come home?

Mm-hmm.

Good.

Give me a hug.

I love ya.

Where is your coat?

l, uh...

I have to go to the bathroom.

Bathroom?

Okay.

But hurry.

- You chew gum?

- No.

Thank you.

"Stan Martin."

Whoever heard of Stan Martin?

- You ever heard of Stan Martin?

- Mm-mmm.

Some kid thinks he's a hotshot, and next thing

you know they put him on a bubble gum card.

You know how many bubble gum series

I've been in?

Thirteen.

Thirteen series. That's a lot.

I've been in Chigley's Sports' Greatest.

I've been in Pinky's World Series Stars.

And that's 1936, 1937...

That's good, huh?

Oh, and Tip-Top Boys' Baseball Tips.

That's Tip-Top Boys' Best Baseball Tips...

showing best how to pitch, swing,

dead-stop and slide.

And Hubbly Bubbly's Baseball Bites.

- That's nine years best all-rounder.

- Mm-hmm.

That's a lot.

Stan Martin.

How many kids do you know collect?

I don't either. Card for card,

it must run in the millions.

Heck, I'm stuck in albums

from here to the Pacific.

- Worldwide.

- Mmm.

They still give gum

to little Chink kids, don't they?

Sure they do.

They liberate them...

next day, they're out there swappin'.

Saw on TV the other day where they don't

take beads and junk up the Amazon no more.

They take instant coffee and bubble gum.

Well.

I probably go back in one of those villages

where they ain't seen a white man...

and they'll look at me and come and say, "Hey,

big hitter, sit down and have some coffee."

I tell you, this fame thing... it's enough

to give you the heebies. I can tell you that.

That's Chigley's, that's Pinky's, that's Tip-Top,

that's Hubbly Bubbly's Baseball Bites.

That's some gum you got there.

Well, I was in Cheey Fruits'

Great Scientific Achievements once.

Ah.

I know that's not much compared to, um...

- Thirteen series.

- Thirteen series.

Yeah, well, you got some claims though,

you know.

Somebody's heard of you.

You okay, honey?

You okay?

Are you okay?

Yeah.

- I'm okay.

- Good.

Let me tell you something.

She's smart enough,

with all that science stuff...

but that don't mean nothin'

compared to feelings.

You know?

You know, I could kill a man...

if it came down to just one.

I could.

I get so tightened up...

like I did before a game...

whenever I'm not alone with her.

'Cause even my team... my old team...

they'd rather stare at her

than gab about old times.

They treat her like a star or something.

Between you and me...

Let me tell you something.

Don't ever put a woman up on a pedestal.

'Cause it'll just give her a chance

to kick your teeth right down your throat.

I'll tell you what she needs. She needs

a thousand people touching her all the time.

Or she needs to be alone all the time too.

What are you gonna do?

I just get so tightened up, you know?

I got used to it before a game.

Now there's no...

Sh*t!

There's no...

It just goes on and on.

Honey? Are you bleeding again?

She bleeds inside.

You know, she's loose... her insides.

She can't... hold a baby

when it gets too big, and...

They tried to tighten her up,

but she just keeps getting loose again.

If she had a baby, it'd kill her.

'Cause they'd have to tighten her up

so much that the...

It couldn't come out natural.

But that's my girl.

She's all bright lights on the outside, and...

Inside, she... Tore up.

She fell down and hit the street.

No!

Please!

We're ready in five minutes, please.

Honey, please.

We're lined up and ready in five minutes.

Hey, honey.

I think we should call a doctor.

- She'd give us hell.

- But she's ill.

I know she's ill, but she's all right.

She just faints in strange bathrooms.

I'm going to speak to the night porter

and get myself another room.

- No. No, that's okay.

- Oh, no, no. Please.

You take care of her. Be my guest.

Well, hey.

Did you ask her up here?

I think she was just feeling lonely,

with all those people.

I know you.

You're Cherokee.

I'm an old fool. You are Cherokee.

No. I'm an elevator man.

I get a paycheck.

I eat a lot of hot dogs.

I go up and down.

I met one of your people once.

It was at Harvard Observatory

in the driveway.

He was collecting garbage.

Uh, he told me

that a true Cherokee believes...

that, wherever he is,

he is at the center of the universe.

Is that so?

But it's hard to believe in an elevator.

I go up and down.

I watch TV.

I'm no longer a Cherokee.

But I watch TV, and I see your face.

I hear your thoughts, and so I know.

- You are Cherokee.

- No, no.

I just don't want to be the center

of anything and certainly not the...

But the thoughts in your head

will lead you there.

You know, when I was a girl...

Oh, no, no, no, no.

- No, no, no.

- Why?

I just don't wanna hear

no more stories.

I'm just trying to tell you

how it is I love you.

Well, not a whole hell of a lot.

Look at this.

Not how much or how little.

Just how.

Well, how is that?

In my way.

What about my way?

What is that?

Well, my way. My way.

What... What / want.

That's all. Yeah.

And I'm tired.

Do you still want a child?

I want the one we already had.

I was under contract.

What if I were careful?

I don't care no more.

It might be a son.

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