Inspector Clouseau Page #6

- Take it.

- Give me that! That's my money!

You idiot!

I had this suit made in Hong Kong!

- See you tomorrow. Over and out.

- Roger and goodbye.

- Is that you?

- Yeah, of course it's me.

Where have you been?

You still wearing that ridiculous face?

How dare you talk to me like that,

you common prison barber?

- Don't touch!

- But you're dead.

Yes, and you're under arrest.

- What d'you want, handcuffs?

- Yes.

Maybe you left them in the car.

Here are the keys.

- That's my car keys!

- They're over there.

You come with me.

We're both going to get...

I'll stay here, you get the keys!

- Don't go away!

- I'll go here.

Where are my keys?

Where are they? They must...

Don't... don't push that! Don't do that!

Don't start the bridge!

Help!

Help! Help!

Help! SOS for a drowning detective!

- What you got there?

- Brought you a little present.

- Haul him in.

- Don't grab me like that!

Get up.

If I wasn't encased in a balloon,

you'd see some action.

Let... let me go!

- Welcome aboard.

- Run! These are dangerous criminals!

We're all criminals here, ain't we, Rainbow?

Johnny Rainbow?

You can't trust anybody any more.

Oh, you can trust me.

And I'd like to say

how grateful we are to you.

Without your co-operation, that exquisite face,

I couldn't have pulled it off.

- Bye-bye, Superman.

- Take him away.

You'll soon be laughing

on the other side of my face!

Ow! That hold was ruled illegal

at the Geneva Convention!

Ow!

Jacques! They got you, too.

Are you all right? You look awful.

What have they done to you?

Dragged me backwards in the water,

without skis.

Throw me from a train. Give me drugs.

Worse than that,

they punctured my rubber underwear!

But you're alive and in one piece.

- Let's figure a way out.

- You figure it out.

What do you mean?

What are we going to do?

I don't know what we're going to do.

- They'll kill us! How can you talk like that?

- I can talk like that because I face facts.

I ruin everything I touch.

What's the matter with you?

Arrested twice. I destroy

a phone booth at the railway station.

I steal from a nun. I don't know my own face.

A man comes up to me with my face

tied on, I don't recognise who it is.

I don't deserve to have

this autographed picture of Sean Connery.

- You accept defeat so easily.

- It has taken every ounce of my strength.

- No, it will turn out all right.

- It's not! They're going to kill me!

- Thanks. I needed that.

- Now maybe you can face reality.

- You got Weaver, the traitor.

- That's true.

- You killed three of the gang.

- Sorry to interrupt, but it was five.

- You helped to find the money.

- Helped? I did it all by myself.

Who do you think got the money back?

We are going to bust out of here!

That was not the door.

OK, you two, let's go.

Last chance, Inspector. Do you work

for us or do we have to get rid of you?

I don't want your money.

I have my health, my hair,

an apartment with an icebox.

- The love of a good woman.

- Terribly moving.

Perhaps we can help them out.

Lash them to the tarpaulin.

I leave you with these... Ow!

I leave you with these words.

Wait. I'm going to...

- Frey, what time do we rendezvous?

- My calculations...

Forget your calculations.

Ask the gentleman how we're doing.

- What are we gonna do with these idiots?

- When they find them, we'll be miles away.

What time are we gonna

make the rendezvous?

I don't know. We're losing weigh.

- What did he say?

- We're losing weigh.

- How come...?

- We're sinking!

- Abandon ship, everybody!

- We're sinking!

Come on, don't just stand there!

We're sinking, for heaven's sake!

Get in the car.

Come on, get those crates on there!

Get out of here quick!

Out of my way!

- They've gone!

- Typical.

Rats leaving a sinking ship.

- I suggest we swim to shore.

- In which direction?

Well, it's a river. In any direction.

- Maybe I'll just scream for help.

- Good idea.

I don't think they heard you.

To track them this far

and then lose them is too much!

- Would you like a cigarette?

- Yes.

It's a menthol cigarette.

I hope you don't mind.

- Menthol? Oh, no.

- You don't like menthol?

- No.

- I find it a much cooler smoke.

OK.

What's that?

There's an ambulance drawing alongside!

- Goodbye, my darling. See you next week.

- I will have everything ready for you.

- Call me tonight?

- As soon as I get off the plane.

I don't want to rush you...

Well, you son of a gun,

the time has come to say goodbye.

- It's been a wonderful...

- Right. Exactly.

-.. in every regard.

- Naturally.

- If ever again you...

- I certainly will.

Don't hesitate to use my name

and please call me if you need me.

- Oh, no, no.

- Please. I insist.

- I'd come at my own expense. Indeed.

- Yes.

Well, cheerio then. Yes.

- Goodbye, Jacques.

- Well, goodbye.

- You can expect to hear from me shortly.

- Yes.

Well, don't... don't take any wooden francs.

- Inspector.

- Yes?

- Mrs. Weaver!

- The widow Weaver, thanks to you.

No, don't do anything you'll be sorry for.

For our first night alone together

in that naughty Paris of yours.

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