Inspector Clouseau Page #5

that I have called you all,

you bank presidents of Switzerland,

here to Zurich today.

I, as the responsible Minister of Finance,

have declared this to be

a national emergency.

And I have pledged, on your behalf,

your fullest, your fullest co-operation...

.. to Inspector Clouseau.

Inspector.

Mr. Minister, honoured bank presidents,

after months of meticulous work,

we have pieced together a picture

of what we think the crooks will do.

- The robbery will take place tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?

- Saturday the banks close early.

- Precisely.

Inspector Clouseau,

if you are so well informed,

why do you not know

which bank they plan to rob?

The gang has had all your banks

under surveillance.

Take a very good look at my face.

I shall fly by helicopter to the unlucky bank

and supervise the transference of all funds.

Inspector Weaver of Scotland Yard

has a few more remarks to make.

Gentlemen,

under no circumstances whatsoever

are you to follow any instructions

from an intermediary.

Do not accept or honour

any apparent radio or telephone message

from Inspector Clouseau or myself.

Only that way can you be sure

that your money is safe.

In the hands of Jacques Clouseau.

There. Now may I speak to London?

But that's all the change I have!

I've been trying to make this call

for an hour. Wait. My mother has come by.

Mother, have you got any money?

Good. Thank you.

Luckily, she had some change.

A miraculous occurrence

that she didn't tell me about.

Oh, and here comes my Uncle George.

He seems also to have

some change with him.

Here it comes, into the telephone,

at this very moment.

And here comes my sister,

with another 20 centimes. And 20 more.

Thank you, dear relatives. Now...

70 centimes more!

But I have no more buttons...

I mean, can't you trust me,

a policeman of good standing?

Wait. I'll see if I can find

someone in this humble village

that will trust a man with an honest face.

No, wait! I made a mistake!

Don't hang up the telephone.

Looks like rain.

Listen...

Can...? Can I borrow...?

Ah! No. I need... I need 70 centimes.

I'm not poor. I have to make a telephone call.

I have to make a phone call.

I'm not a thief. Here.

I have a wristwatch. A watch!

I'll give you my automatic,

slightly waterproof watch.

Trade for the money.

Es istbesserzu geben als zu nehmen.

Yes. Yes. That's what I always say.

No, you don't!

Some scoundrel put buttons

in the telephone. It's kaputt.

- We've got two minutes to get moving.

- How's this going?

- It's finished. Want to see it?

- Yes, certainly.

Marvellous! Keep that up.

Come on, get this thing moving!

I'll be back in about 20 minutes.

Make sure everything's ready.

He was warned that this might happen.

But he is having his first grandchild.

Transfer everything from the vault

to the armoured car.

- I take full responsibility.

- Of course, Inspector Clouseau.

- Sorry, sir, the bank is closed.

- I have an emergency.

I must cash a cheque.

I have to make a telephone call.

- We have no money.

- What? What do you mean?

- We have no money.

- The bank has no money?

Where is the concierge? Hey, listen...

- Concierge, I have an important...

- Inspector Clouseau!

- You know who I am?

- Yes, but you just left with the money.

- No. This fellow won't give me any money.

- Yes, but... Surely...

- It's a boy!

- It's a boy.

It's a boy! It's a...

Inspector Clouseau. Oh, no, not my bank.

- How come everyone knows who I am?

- The inspector took responsibility.

- So our money was loaded into the truck.

- Yes, it's part of the plan.

- What plan?

- Your plan.

My plan is to cash a cheque

and make a call to London.

- There's something wrong.

- I'm glad you agree with me.

Guard! What do you mean, cash a cheque?

Take him!

It's only five francs. No need for a fuss.

Let's get this thing moving.

Get these doors open.

Quickly! Come on!

Right. Come along,

we haven't got all day. Push it.

Come on!

OK.

What are you doing here?

- I let you in.

- Keep watching the main gate.

You heard what Johnny Rain...

Inspector Clouseau said.

We almost gave the whole thing away!

Bolt that door and let nobody else in.

- How's it going?

- Hold my slide rule. I'll find out for you.

- Should be done in an hour and ten.

- Good.

- Quick, man.

- Don't strain yourself.

Come on, Steele. On top of that crate.

Swing it round. More to your left. OK.

- Down.

- Come on, down! Don't waste time.

By now, old chap, they're searching airports

and railroads for our fast getaway.

The last thing they'll be looking for

is a slow-moving barge loaded with candy.

- Couldn't have done better myself.

- I have to get to the city.

Wait. If weve got to take a ride on

this floating time bomb, what about him?

He is the only one in our group with

a legitimate reason for being in Switzerland.

While you're taking a pleasure cruise,

I'll be stuck at headquarters.

So that if anything goes wrong,

you'll get warned.

We're on 102 megacycles,

so you will keep in contact.

- You gonna take me?

- Yeah.

- We'll meet again in Cologne.

- Cologne.

News Express. Robbery sensation.

Famous French inspector arrested.

Read all about it.

News Express...

You are only the watchman at

the Lindt factory. How did you get the money?

Perhaps we can refresh your memory.

Bring in Clouseau.

- Empty your pockets.

- I already have.

On the desk!

Ah. Thank you, Beckman.

- You recognise this man?

- Yes, I do. Can I go now?

You're a teller of tales.

Also you are a liar!

The one thing I despise is a cop gone bad.

- "Cop"? I happen to be a full inspector.

- I'm terribly sorry...

This man threw me from

the 9.17 Zurich express, stole my money

and I accuse him of cheating at jacks!

- This fellow's ill.

- That's mine!

- Armed and dangerous!

- Here, that's mine! You've had yours.

- That man's a crook.

- Stop that man!

He's had his share. This is mine.

- I said to stop him, you fool!

- Man? I saw no man!

I saw nobody!

- Take his feet.

- There are two of you!

Come on.

My face! You've stolen my face!

Give me back my face, you fiend!

- Oh... my.

- Thank you.

Hit him back.

And that is just the beginning, my friend.

I have just begun to fight.

If I had a silver bullet...

Are you all right? Can I help you?

What an experience.

Agh! It lives!

Get away! This person...

.. has his hands around my neck.

And it is... If I can find that vein!

- He's dead.

- Who was he?

We are waiting for a statement

from Inspector Clouseau,

who's just been released from custody.

He's now in charge of the investigation.

- Could you give us a statement, please?

- Chocolate makes one very thirsty.

But millions of people are watching.

Listen to this, millions of people.

There has been a robbery.

The money has been spirited out of

Switzerland wrapped as chocolate bars.

So if your chocolate bar

has money in it, contact me

and I promise you the gratitude of

the government and a free chocolate bar!

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