Intermission Page #2

that disappoints me big style.

- I'm gonna go home, you mind?

- You're what?

What you said there is right, man.

Hundred per cent.

- You've just sent me into a state of turmoil.

- Wistful, are you?

Among other emotions.

- Need to go home and reflect on my choices.

- You do what you have to do, man.

See you.

Fair play, man.

Right. Throw us on the floor.

Gently.

Lovely.

Come here and I'll tell you. You there!

- So how goes the fight against crime?

- All right.

It's never-f***ing-ending, though.

See what I mean?

Have you not got a sign that says,

'Toilets for patrons' use only'?

I do.

I'll have to enforce that rule.

Give us another 7-UP there, will you?

All right, Lehiff?

Staying out of trouble?

Jesus. Doesn't look like it.

Who did that to you?

Your old one, man.

She poked me in the eye with her cock.

You cheeky little f***, you.

I'm watching you, do you hear me?

And if I find out

that you've been in any way bold...

I'm gonna nab you.

Now don't move.

Stay where you are and take your scolding.

Now, what do I want you to do?

Stay out of trouble.

Stay out of trouble.

That's right.

F***ing disrespect my old one.

Now, hang on till I shake.

All right.

Go on.

So what's wrong with me? What did I do?

- Or didn't I do?

- I told you, Noeleen, nothing.

- It's just something that...

- Yeah, that happened.

You said that already,

and I don't believe you.

Is it my age?

Is it something I wouldn't do?

Is it my looks?

Wait a second. Look, don't you...

Wait! Don't you fancy me anymore?

Look. Listen to me.

It's nothing to do with you.

I fancy her, I fell for her.

We clicked, and we wanna be together.

You don't come into the equation, so relax.

Of course I come into the equation.

I'm your wife, for God's sake!

I'm your wife, Sam! 14 years!

What the hell did I do?

- So this fella's moving in with you?

- Yes.

Well, what do you want me to do?

Be like Sally?

Give up on them altogether,

grow myself a 'tache?

- Sally doesn't...

- Sally has a 'tache, Ma.

Whatever she did before,

bleached or waxed, she's quit.

Anyway, I'm better off.

Did you know John and Oscar

broke into Fruitfield a few months back...

stole a crate load of Chef Sauce?

And I know that wasn't the only time.

- Chef Sauce?

- It was all they could get.

I'd be over at his place,

he's making sauce sandwiches.

Putting it in his cornflakes.

Trying to use it all up. In his tea.

I mean, he dumps me, Ma, breaks my heart...

and then has the gall to come over

and call me a whore and a blackguard...

for not taking the f***ing vows?

Well, f*** him.

Him and his brown sauce. Sorry, Ma.

But I've got a guy who's well-off,

who's attractive...

- Who's married.

- Well, you can't have it all.

Who's not a thief, but a bank manager.

And if he wants to move in with me...

then I think

I'd be some kind of a fool to say no.

Now, I'm gonna have the carrot cake.

What are you having?

All right, my friends, do Daddy proud.

Show them what you've got.

All right. You lads ready?

And action!

Come on, guys,

we've been through this before.

They'll get it, lads,

just give them a second.

Don't f*** up on me here. Go!

For f***'s sake, how many times

have we rehearsed this, youse fucks. Go!

Get down. Martin, get back in the box.

Don't fight. Benny, get off him.

- It is Little Big City, isn't it?

- Yeah.

That's what it's called.

Which says to me,

yeah, stories, yeah, characters.

- There's a broad spectrum there.

- Diverse.

And that's what we're doing and that's fine.

But where that diversity is lacking is tone.

- What are you saying?

- Tone, Thomas. Texture.

What I'm saying is,

let's go a bit darker now and again.

Find a subject

with a little bit more of an edge...

and explore that edge

with the weight it deserves.

What do you think?

- A bit darker?

- Just a bit.

Just to spice the thing up.

Give it some depth, some complexity...

I know what you mean.

All right.

Go find a subject, bring it to me.

If it's not too much,

then I don't see why not.

- Good enough?

- Absolutely.

What about this, Sally?

When's the last time you saw me in a dress?

Give me a voucher.

A gift voucher, please.

- How much?

- Sorry?

- How much for?

- 100, please.

- No hundreds left. Do you want two fifties?

- Please.

- No fifties. Five twenties do you?

- Fine.

Grab it.

It's a sty, my life.

The people I deal with are piss. Waste.

Is that what you're interested in?

I'm a f***, man. I mean...

my only really human quality to speak of

is a fondness for Celtic mysticism.

What's that?

The music, man.

Artistes like...

Fainne Lasta, Raithneach,

Amhann na Ngealach, Clannad.

You like them artistes?

Their music? Of course you do.

But what I'm saying is,

the kind of justice I'm questing...

requires a certain attitude

that people might find...

you know, extreme or unpleasant.

It might not be suitable.

Grab it.

- You ever compete?

- Just as a kid.

I could have turned pro...

except for I joined the Guards,

made crime my calling.

My da used to say, "Hate your opponent".

He was my trainer.

'Hate him,

and you'll never give less than 100%.'

That's a philosophy I still follow.

That's why I'm such an animal, man.

- Is that what you want for your show?

- Yes.

- Cool.

- It's exactly what I want.

I just have to run it by my boss.

Get the go off him and then we can...

Run it by him.

Let him know I'm up for it, big time.

F***ing underbelly, you're saying?

No better f***ing guide, man.

- You nearly finished?

- Midnight. Yourself?

- About 10 minutes.

- You lucky prick.

Gonna pick up

a chicken black bean, spring roll starter...

Will you come on? We've homes to go to.

- Do you hear this?

- I know.

You'd think we were dogs or something.

- Are we moving or what?

- Will youse wait a minute?

F***'s sake.

Listen, take it easy, yeah?

Where are we?

I can't see.

We near Springfield yet?

I'll give you a shout.

I was thinking we'd throw you

a birthday party. What do you think?

I don't want one, Ma.

Don't believe in that party fandangle.

Deirdre feels

you're letting yourself go, Sally.

Deirdre wants to hook me up

because she's embarrassed I've no fella.

At least I'm not in their thrall like she is.

She escapes one, and another one nets her.

What's the story with that, anyway?

What?

Any chance of them two

getting back together again?

None of your business.

No.

And listen, I wasn't going to say it to you,

but since we're having this discussion...

would you not...

Would you not get yourself

a bit of Immac or something?

Get rid of that old ronnie

you're cultivating.

I haven't got a ronnie.

Well, no, you're hardly

the Burt Reynolds league...

but there's such a thing as grooming,

you know?

Whether you're courting or not, love.

Springfield coming up, now.

Mum?

Mustn't be back yet.

Are you nervous?

Not really.

They'll be well impressed.

Take your coat off. I'll make some tea.

- Deirdre.

- Yeah.

Come here for a sec, will you?

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