Intermission Page #4

Give me the number of a taxi firm, will you?

That's not what we want, Ben.

It's indigestible. It's too hard.

- But it's real, it's true.

- I know that.

It's out there.

I'm talking about a world

people don't see, Thomas.

- The humanity within...

- But that's not what I hired you to do.

Now, you wanna use a copper?

Find some fella

who helps the homeless in his spare time.

- Or one who can juggle.

- He likes Celtic mysticism.

Yeah? Raithneach, Clannad,

artistes like that?

- Fainne Lasta?

- All that sh*t, yeah.

But how's that a quirk, Ben?

Sounds like the guy knows his music.

But him knowing his music

is a far from good enough reason to do him.

He's too hard and he's too nasty. Nasty.

- Too nasty.

- But...

Softer.

Jerry. What's this I hear

you're gonna be on telly?

The truth and nothing but, man.

Not in a supporting role, either.

- The subject, I'm gonna be.

- Jammy f***, you.

Leading man.

- Has nobody any balls these days?

- That's what I said.

- Yeah?

- To his face.

- I agree with you 100%, Jerry.

- The f*ggot.

Is he a f*ggot? Bet you he is.

One of those fucks that tries

too hard to be one of the ladies.

I read you.

Well, fair play to you.

Talking to your boss like that, I respect that.

You work your way up, that's what I say.

Develop your own show.

Call it Hard As Nails C*nts or something.

Then we'll collaborate.

Yellow-bellied fucks.

Listen, buddy, crime calls.

- I'll catch you again, all right?

- Catch you, man.

Motherfuckers.

You think people enjoy

that kind of attitude? Because they don't.

Go on, do it again

if it makes you feel so good.

Bloody state of you. What I should do now...

is speak to your manager

and have you fired...

if I could only be bothered.

Don't know how well off you are.

Go on, do it. You know you want to.

I've changed my f***ing mind!

There's a couple of jars

smashed in that lane.

Clear them up, will you?

It's not my job, it's Thomas'.

He's on the brush.

Your job is to do what I tell you.

Now come on.

It's not Dolce Salsa, is it?

- It is, yeah.

- Can't do. Dolce Salsa makes me sick.

- All I have to do is smell the stuff.

- Move.

Thomas, wait there.

There you are. Do it.

Okay, man.

You're okay, Thomas.

I'm just trying to make a point.

For God's sake!

Told you.

You finished?

- You finished?

- Yeah.

Come with me.

Thomas, clear up that sick

before someone slips in it.

I want you to get one thing straight.

I'm your boss, you do as I say.

Go home, repeat it, maybe it'll lodge.

One more incident like this,

do you hear me? One more incident...

and I will TCB, as they say in the States.

I will "take care of business".

You are here to do as you are told.

You are here to work.

So get back out there and do some.

Come on, Thomas, move it.

If you move it, you won't have to smell it.

- I know that you've been patient, Karen.

- Stop.

No, you have. Taking me shopping

and everything, the classes.

Maybe it's a different kind of boost

you need.

Something to remind yourself

you're attractive, say.

Maybe you need to be chatted up

or something.

- Flirted with, pursued...

- Wanted, Karen.

- That's what it is.

- Okay, then.

Let's do something about that.

- Here's one, Ben.

- What is it?

It's good.

Like all the other good stuff

I've read so far?

I'm getting a bit tired

of your attitude, Ben.

You can't choose one, that's fine.

I've chosen one for you.

Read it...

get the lads, and get on it.

But it's not up for discussion, Ben.

Hello?

They want us to go on...

They want us to go on telly.

Because of the accident, the bus.

Some man just rang.

They wanna do an interview.

Said to ring him back if we're interested,

you know.

I'm telling you,

Jonesy said it's the best place to go.

- Maybe not the best, but the easiest.

- If you're desperate.

But I am, John. You know I am.

Jesus Christ.

See, if this is all the competition there is...

And some old ones are cute.

- Not too old.

- Where?

This is what Jonesy said.

You gotta scout about a bit.

I'll meet you in a while.

Pint of Guinness, please.

You dirty bastard.

Fancy a bit of mature, yeah?

Look, I know why you're here.

I've got my own business, you know?

Fish and chip shop.

- You like fish?

- Some fish.

- Not fish-and-chip fish.

- Right.

- You like chips, though?

- You know what I like? Onion rings.

Right.

Not the biggest fan of them myself.

It's about the only part of my produce

that I'm not partial to.

Look, I'm not gonna

beat around the bush, ladies.

But if we can't be

compatible about business...

- Now, him I like.

- Who?

- That young guy?

- There's two of them.

If he asks me to dance,

will you get up with his friend?

Come on. I'd feel silly on my own.

I mean, feck it, a woman my age...

place like this, what's the point in lying?

That's my philosophy. The truth.

Life's too short. What was I saying?

The hormones, right.

No, it's not the worst thing...

because since I've been on them,

I have to say...

I've been feeling very erotic.

You know what

a younger man like yourself lacks?

A bit of mature loving.

You lack it because you don't look for it.

But let me tell you something.

I'm sporty.

I'm actually...

Celia, you're talking about honesty?

I'm actually just waiting on a mate. Sorry.

Okay.

I won't waste any more of your time.

- I found one.

- Yeah, what's she like?

- Will you dance with her mate? She's nice.

- What's her mate like?

- Which? The right or the left?

- The left.

- All right.

- The left's mine.

All right, f*** it.

- I hope you know, I've no interest.

- Me, neither.

So nothing's gonna happen.

We're just gonna dance, enjoy it,

and we're going to finish when they finish.

- What's that perfume?

- Hey.

- I was just...

- Hey.

You come here often?

Yes?

No?

It's my first time.

I didn't know it'd be, you know...

Older people?

- That's okay.

- Older than me, say.

Are you a little shy, Oscar?

I think you are.

I think you're very nice, too.

Would you like to come home with me?

I know, I can't believe I said it, either.

But would you?

Blue Enigma.

My perfume.

You said...

You said you were waiting on a friend.

How dare you?

- If you don't want me, you tell me the truth.

- Who's this?

I'm coming here...

- Who the hell are you?

- Nice dancing with you.

How dare you? I'm coming here

long enough not to need these lies.

I'm finished. I'm going to the toilet.

Did you hear what I said earlier on?

I'm coming here long enough

not to need these lies.

Do you hear what I'm saying? You big liar!

Oscar, I'm splitting. Do you hear me?

- Will you be all right?

- Who'd have you anyway, you pug-ugly?

F*** you.

F***ing liar.

So what do you wanna do?

Do you wanna go out?

Wouldn't mind staying in.

- Again?

- Why not?

I'm gonna take a bath.

- Can I help?

- You can bring me in a glass of wine.

Hello?

- Can I speak to Deirdre, please?

- Who's calling?

It's John.

- John she used to go out with?

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