Into the Abyss Page #10

took the straps off,

put her, you know,

on the gurney and that stuff.

We locked everything up,

went about our business,

and... and everything

was fine.

I had a little shop

in the back.

It was 6:
00, and the news

come on over the radio,

and it started again,

and for some reason,

just out of the blue,

hearing it, it triggered me

seeing her hurt,

and I just started shaking.

I don't know what's wrong,

and then, it was...

- How badly did you shake?

- It was... it was...

it was a shake.

It was a shake.

Like, I couldn't...

why am I shaking?

And then I could see my...

I was sweating and in tears.

All of a sudden,

man, this... this is hurtin'.

I remembered her...

this was two days afterwards.

I remembered her execution.

Hers wasn't no different

than anybody else,

but it was hers,

and then I started actually

visualizing the other inmates

as... you asked me, "Did you look

in their eyes when they're"...

I could see 'em.

I could actually see 'em

in their holding cell again,

you know,

one right after another,

and it seemed like

there was just...

My wife goes,

"What's wrong with you?"

And I don't know.

I need to talk to somebody.

And the first person I could

think of to call was Carroll,

Chaplain Pickett,

and he come over to the house,

and we sat on that old swing,

and I started coming down,

and I... he says,

"What's wrong?"

And I told him,

and then I looked at Carroll,

and I said,

"I can't do it no more.

"That's it.

I'm... I'm done.

I can't... I can't

go back there any more."

- Could it be that you thought

that this was not yourself

but maybe it was

your real self that moment?

- That's a good possibility.

- What's really

deep inside of you...

- Yes.

- Came out.

- That's a good...

that's very...

I mean, that's...

I mean, from that point on,

I mean, I've had

a different outlook in life.

If executions was the law,

then I was gonna make sure

that it was done professionally,

with integrity.

After Karla... and I was

pro capital punishment.

After Karla Faye

and after all this,

until this day,

No, sir.

I don't... nobody has the right

to take another life.

I don't care if it's the law.

And it's so easy

to change the law.

- I... I don't want to sound, um...

Like a evil person or...

but I am so glad

I went to the execution.

I really am.

I fought with my...

with myself about going.

I reserved this... the seat

so I could be there,

but I'm glad I went.

I'm really glad I went.

It... it really

did something to me.

- Yeah.

What did it do?

- I don't...

I don't know what...

I don't know what happened,

but I...

immediately after the execution,

I felt like a...

that saying,

a huge weight had been lifted.

I actually could take

a deep breath.

My heart didn't ache as much.

I remember walking in

and thinking,

"This looks like a boy."

I had built this huge monster,

evil, you know,

murdering monster in my head,

and he was just a boy.

He was just a boy

laying on that gurney.

When I walked in,

he looked at me,

and he looked away,

and he did a double take.

Same thing Jason Burkett

did in court.

I look like my mom.

I look a lot like my mother.

- And what did he say?

- He forgave us.

He forgave us.

Yeah.

And I was upset

when I walked in.

I was crying.

You know, our whole...

my whole family,

we didn't want to see

someone die, you know.

No one should have to do...

go through that,

but we were there for my mother,

you know, and my brother,

and we were crying,

and when he said he forgave us...

- For what?

- For the atrocity

brought against him.

And then he said

he's ready to go.

I heard his mother cry,

and they gave him

the injection.

He gasped for air four times.

I watched his shirt thump,

you know, his heart

beating on his shirt.

I watched it till it stopped,

and it stopped at 6:14.

One tear fell down his eye,

one tear.

And he was gone,

and it was over.

- And the prospect of someone

who is gonna be locked away

for life without parole,

would that satisfy...

- Definitely.

- Yes.

- Definitely.

- So it would be definitely

an alternative,

because death penalty sounds

a little bit too much

like old Testament,

the wrath of God.

- An eye for an eye.

- Jesus probably would not

have been an advocate of...

- Probably not.

Probably not.

But some people

just don't deserve to live.

- Can I say something?

- Please.

- I know on July the 1st

is when they...

they executed Michael,

and... and I knew Michael

pretty well.

- Yeah.

- And I kept up with...

I have every kind of clipping

and website thing

I have on him and Jason.

I have, like, a whole

locker box full.

So I know as much about him

as anybody,

and Michael was just...

just like Jason.

They were both young,

and whatever they did

or didn't do, I don't know.

I was not there,

but Michael was just a...

was just a young... a young kid,

and I know he...

I know when they executed him,

I know how he...

I know his last words

and everything else,

and I know,

by executing Michael,

I don't think it brought

any of those people back,

and I don't think

it deterred anything.

I... I don't think it deterred

anybody out there.

As much publicized as it was,

it did not deter anything,

and I really do not believe

that it solved anything

by taking another life,

and it hurt me.

When it come time

for his execution,

I knew it was gonna be

about 6:
00,

usually a few minutes

after 6:
00 P.M.,

and I was on my knees

at my bunk for Michael,

praying for Michael,

and a feeling come over me

right about ten...

five or ten minutes after 6:00,

a feeling come over me

that's hard...

very, very hard to explain.

It was like I felt the loss of...

of what used to be

my son's best friend.

I felt...

I felt that.

I felt that pain

whenever they killed him.

But I just wish those fam...

the family members

would know that,

how much that I... I hurt

for their loss.

That's very important,

and Michael never, never...

that's what upset them,

'cause Michael never tried

to reach out to 'em.

I wished I could

and say I'm sorry.

- Yeah.

Melyssa, let me address

one thing.

Among death row inmates,

there's such a phenomenon

like death row groupies,

the same way rock stars

have groupies,

and you have seen women

like that.

- I have seen women like that,

in fairness.

I've also seen women who are

married to death row inmates

in truly committed

relationships

that I believe

are not disingenuous

and I believe

come from their heart.

You know, some people are just

supposed to be together,

whether there's a cage

and lawman between you.

I believe that.

I mean, I do believe that

there's a fair amount of women

who want attention,

who want media coverage,

who seek out infamous men.

I mean, like Scott Peterson

gets a hundred letters a day

on death row in California.

That's ridiculous.

- He murdered

his pregnant wife.

- Yes.

- Is that correct, that case?

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