Into the Abyss Page #7

- Whenever I went back

and testified,

his brother went back

and testified too.

His brother was in...

in prison, Chris,

and... and we,

me and Chris went...

came back to

the diagnostics together,

and then...

and I'm embarrassed,

but all of three of us,

we had Thanksgiving together,

me and Chris and Jason over

at the diagnostics unit.

You know, and they, uh...

They think that's kind of cool,

but as a father, I thought

that was pretty embarrassing

to be sitting there

in prison with my sons.

- All of them incarcerated.

- Yes, sir.

And then me and Jason went on

over to the next place together,

handcuffed together in the bus,

and that's something that

I never in my life

would ever dreamed... dreamed of

that would've happened,

that that same little baby

that was...

We had to hold him down to

take bone marrow tests out of,

the same little 6 pound baby.

- Describe the feeling to me

when you are handcuffed together

with your own son

in the same bus.

Can you describe that?

- No, not really.

It... it's, uh...

- Try to describe it for us.

Well, I don't know.

I just felt like

a total failure,

total failure as a father.

- And you could feel his hand,

can't you?

- Yes.

Yeah, we were handcuffed to

this hand and his right hand,

and we were sitting there,

and... and I was just...

it was just total failure.

That's what I felt like.

I felt like crap, you know,

and I used a different word

to the jury,

and... and... and that's...

and that's what I meant.

You know, he had trash for a...

for a father,

and... and then here I was

sitting with my baby son

on a prison bus,

and, I mean, I don't think it...

I don't think it gets much

lower than that, you know?

It just don't.

Knowing me or him,

neither one'll ever, you know,

get out again.

I just got a three year set

off again

about a week ago, so...

We'll never... me or him

will never get out again.

- And will he ever

get out again?

- I don't think so.

He comes up for parole

the first time in...

in 1942 for the first time.

- 40 years

after his conviction.

- Yes, sir, 1941.

I'm sorry.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

- Yeah, 2041.

You're a century back.

- Yes.

- Behind.

- 19 yeah, 2041.

I'm sorry.

- Well, it doesn't matter.

It's time must be.

- A long time.

- Time is probably different

for you in here.

- Yes, sir.

- This is actually the vehicle

that was in Sandra Stotler's

garage.

This was the vehicle

that Michael Perry and

Jason Burkett was... was after.

Three people died for this car,

a car that was

in their possession

for less than

Within a couple of years,

I mean, this vehicle

was just trashed,

the inside of it,

because there was actually

a tree that had rooted

and had come up through

the center of it,

and it tore the floorboard up,

and whenever we actually had

to move it over to this lot,

it was a little bit difficult

because of that.

- A tree grew inside of it.

- A tree grew up

from the bottom up into...

up into the car.

- Why did they die?

- I ask myself that question

every day.

I mean, for a vehicle?

You know, I... I don't know.

I don't know.

People die every day over

giving people a dirty look

or, you know, $2.

People rob each other,

and I don't know.

I don't know why they died,

the greed of these two boys.

I don't know.

I don't...

I don't have an answer.

- Can you speak about

the family of victims?

Nobody seems

to address that side.

- I... I don't...

- How do you live

with all this?

I didn't for a while.

I'm starting to live again,

but basically I just shut down.

Montgomery County has

a victims assistance program,

but when you... when your whole

family's ripped from you,

you... you know, you're kind of

like, what's the point?

What's the point

of living any more?

I don't have a family

to share it with.

And I know I have to live

for my children,

to raise my children.

I don't want them to have

a miserable life

or have a depressed mother

all the time.

But for about four years,

I didn't go anywhere.

I stayed in the house,

took the phone out of the home.

I don't like to talk to people.

I figure, if I don't

get close to anybody,

I don't... you know,

I won't get hurt again.

I don't know.

I just...

I just shut down, really.

My grandmother shut down.

Our... our lives are...

are empty, very empty.

Very empty.

That's Adam.

That was his six...

he was 16 there.

That was his last

school picture.

My brother, my brother

was my best friend.

He was...

he was only 16.

It is true that he is not

my real brother.

My sister was...

got pregnant when she was 16,

and my parents adopted him,

and they were actually

out of town the day he was born,

so I was the first one

to hold him,

and I just... I had this feeling

his whole life

that something

was gonna happen to him,

and I remember calling my mother

and saying, you know,

"What's Adam doing?

Where's Adam?"

You need to make sure...

y'all just moved up to ohio.

"You need to make sure

you're watching him."

And my mom was like,

"I've raised five children.

I can take care of him."

And when he hit 16,

I knew he was... he was good.

He was safe.

He was a man.

He'd be able to

take care of himself now.

He was such a great kid.

He was in love for

the first time in his life.

And, um, one... one thing

that sticks out for me,

my mom always protected me.

One thing that I remember,

I was supposed to get married.

Well, I did get married

September 16, 1995,

but my dad, Mel,

he was a preacher,

and he was supposed

to marry me and Kenneth.

He died six months

before the wedding.

He was hit by a train,

him and my older brother

and the family dog.

And so we got... I refused

to get married in a church,

so we got married on the boat

in Lake Conroe.

Right as I was

walking out the...

walking out the door

to go down the aisle,

my mother pinned my dad's

wedding ring inside my dress

right over my heart,

and she said, "I didn't want

your dad to miss this."

And, you know, that just...

- You loved her.

- Yes, and I know she was

in so much pain that day,

but she hid it

because I was so happy.

She hid her pain for me,

and, you know, she... she just

made it through the day.

I just miss 'em a lot.

Our family's just so incomplete,

so incomplete.

You know, sometimes my kids

will ask me things,

and I'll go, "I don't know."

I wonder what my mo...".

You know, there's things

at all times of day and night

I want to call and ask her.

It took me forever to realize

she was really gone

'cause I would want to pick up

the phone and call her.

- Is this why you

got rid of the phone?

- Yes, I... I did not want

another phone call

telling me somebody else

in my family had died.

I couldn't handle

those phone calls any more.

I couldn't handle 'em any more,

so I just cut myself off

from the world.

I can't... I can't

have a phone on.

I just don't like to hear

the phone ring any more

'cause all it ever brought me

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