Into the Abyss Page #8

was bad news.

- The worst.

- The worst.

- Not just bad, yeah.

You had to... to face it.

- Yeah.

Well, you know,

it's just, I mean,

not only did I lose my mother

and my father and my brother

to tragic circumstances.

I mean, my grandfather

had a stroke.

My uncle hung himself.

My other uncle

had a heroin overdose.

My stepbrother shot himself

'cause he had pancreatic cancer.

My real father died

in his sleep.

All this was in six years,

a six year period.

I lost everyone in my family,

everybody.

- Mr. Burkett,

if you close the eyes

and you think about

a different life

and it could start all over,

how would you raise

the children?

- Well...

It's hard to answer something

that you've never done,

and, you know, embarrassing...

it's embarrassing to say that,

but... but I know when...

I would like...

I would like to them have...

I had a scholarship

to the University of Texas

in 1973, in football,

and I quit school

in my senior year,

quit football and quit school

and lost that,

and I wish I could go back

to right there.

- Yes, go back to right there.

Now you have the children.

- Then I have the children,

and... and I would had...

I would have done

everything in my power

to... to help them finish school

like I didn't.

You always tell them,

"Don't be like me."

Well, I wished...

I wished I would've been

something they could've been,

and I wish they could've

finished school.

I wish we could've played

baseball like I did

when I was little,

in Little League.

I wish that we could've

played baseball.

Two of them did

for, like, one time.

I wish we could've

played baseball,

and I wished I could've went

to their football games.

And I raised a steer in...

in school for FFA.

I wish they could've did that.

We lived in the country.

That's what I wish

we could go back, all of us,

and... and... and go to school,

school events.

I got to watch one of my sons

play the horn

one time in school,

and... and that's the stuff

that I remember.

That's the good stuff,

and this all

wouldn't have happened.

- I want to say this

on the record.

I'm not saying that my husband

was a Boy Scout.

I'm not saying that

Jason Burkett did absolutely...

had no knowledge

and was, like, selling cookies

or raising money for camp

when that happened.

I'm saying that Jason did not

kill one, two, or three people.

Sandra, Jeremy, and Adam

were not killed by Jason.

- And you asked your husband...

you asked Jason point blank,

"Can you tell me what...

what happened?"

because you wanted

to make sure.

What did you ask him?

- I've asked Jason

multiple times

to tell me everything

that I need to know.

I said, "Jason..."

Jason doesn't have

a whole lot of money,

so we do most of his stuff

pro se,

which is where we file it

ourselves,

and me and his father have

pretty much done his appeal,

and I always ask him,

"I need to know

everything you can tell me

to help you get home,"

and that's basically

how we start our conversations,

and Jason will recall things,

and, you know, more and more,

it's, like, been a snowball

that I've picked up

exactly what I think happened.

- Yeah.

And you are told

he was innocent.

- Yes.

- And you do believe him.

- I do believe him.

I... like I said, I believe

that Jason had involvement.

I don't believe

he killed three people.

I wrote Jason

for maybe two years

before I went to meet him,

because really I could do most

of the stuff through the mail,

and one day

I was talking to his mother,

and she said something

to the effect of,

"You'll never guess what Jason

said to me today,"

and I said, "What?"

And she said, "He told me

that he was in love with you."

And I said, "That's crazy."

And I remember, to give you,

like, the pre-story,

I was with my best friend,

and when I hung up,

I said to my best friend...

her name's Kat...

I was like, "Kat, Jason

Burkett's in love with me."

She goes,

"That's probably pretty good

'cause you're

in love with him too."

And I said,

"What are you talking about?

"Don't be an idiot," you know?

And she said,

"Dude, when is the last time

"you've been on a date?

"When was the last time you

haven't spent a Saturday night

with Jason Burkett's

court paperwork?"

I was like,

"Hey, that's not nice."

But I ended up driving...

I lived in Nebraska

at the time.

I ended up driving from omaha

to Abilene

because I wanted him

to tell me himself,

and he was at

the Robertson Unit.

- You were two days

and two nights driving?

- Yes.

I drove it...

it seemed, like, endless too.

I drove, and I got there,

and I remember,

I just asked him.

Like, that was the first thing

I said.

I was like, "Hi, we've never

seen each other in our lives",

"but hi.

Your mom told me

that you're in love with me."

But I didn't say it.

I wanted to be coy, so I said,

"Your mom told me you told her

something in a visit."

I said, "What...

what did you tell her?"

And he said,

"I need stamps?"

And I was like,

"I wouldn't be in Abilene

"because you need

stamps, right?

What are you...

don't play games with me."

And he goes,

"oh, that part where I said

I was in love with you?"

And then I dropped the phone

because I was nervous,

and I didn't know what to say,

and I kind of fumbled

through that whole visit

because I didn't immediately go,

"I love you too."

It wasn't, you know,

like a movie.

I was very nervous.

I'm not that girl that

falls in love with an inmate.

And I was like, okay,

I'm just gonna be cool with it,

and then when I left,

the day I met Jason,

there was a rainbow,

and I'm not...

This is true.

It's in our letters.

There was a rainbow

that went from one gate...

side of the gate

to the other side of the gate,

and I thought that was the most

miraculous sign that this is...

this is the boy

that I'm supposed to be with

and this is...

he is innocent,

because how many times

do you see a whole rainbow?

And we saw a whole rainbow,

and my friend was with me.

He saw the rainbow too.

I have a witness.

And when Jason...

when I got home,

I had a letter waiting for me,

and he said,

"Did you see the rainbow?"

- At the gates of the prison.

- It went from one side,

my side on the outside,

to the inside to him.

- I believe in me,

you know, I know what...

I know what happened

back in 2001.

I know that I wasn't

a part of it,

and I believe strongly in...

in my faith,

in my attorneys,

and in the outcome,

but at the same time, I don't

even recognize these walls.

I don't pay attention to this,

because if you do,

you're gonna lose your mind.

You're gonna... you're gonna go...

you're gonna lose your mind.

Recently, another guy just

killed himself the other day,

and he left a note saying that,

"Y'all have to live around

all this craziness,

and I'm gone,"

and that's because

he was focusing on it,

but I don't.

I don't focus on it.

You know, I just...

I just distract myself.

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