Into the Woods Page #3

young wife and you to this cottage.

They were a lovely couple. But not

lovely neighbors. You see, your mother

was with child and she developed an

unusual appetite. She admired my

beautiful garden and she told your

father that what she wanted, more than

anything in the world was-

GREENS, GREENS, AND NOTHING BUT

GREENS:
/ PARSLEY, PEPPERS, CABBAGES

AND CELERY./ ASPARAGUS AND WATERCRESS

AND/ FIDDLEFERNS AND LETTUCE--!/ HE

SAID, “ALL RIGHT,”/ BUT IT WASN’T,

QUITE,/ ‘CAUSE I CAUGHT HIM/ IN THE

AUTUMN/ IN MY GARDEN ONE NIGHT!

EXT. WITCH’S GARDEN - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

WITCH’S POV

In the moonlight, we see the BAKER’S FATHER, wearing a

hunting jacket, scale over the WITCH’S wall and into her

garden. From behind a wooden trellis, she WATCHES him as he

gathers her greens:

WITCH (V.O.)

HE WAS ROBBING ME,/ RAPING ME,/

ROOTING THROUGH MY RUTABAGA,/ RAIDING

MY ARUGULA:

INT. BAKER’S COTTAGE - DAY - PRESENT

WITCH:

AND/ RIPPING UP THE RAMPION/ (MY

CHAMPION!/ MY FAVORITE!)

I SHOULD HAVE LAID A SPELL ON HIM

RIGHT THERE--/ I COULD HAVE TURNED HIM

INTO STONE/ OR A DOG OR A CHAIR.../

BUT I LET HIM HAVE THE RAMPION/ I’D

LOTS TO SPARE.

EXT. WITCH’S GARDEN - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

Again, only seeing the WITCH from behind, she confronts the

BAKER’S FATHER as he sheepishly holds the stolen vegetables.

WITCH (V.O.)

IN RETURN, HOWEVER,/ I SAID, “FAIR IS

FAIR:
/ YOU CAN LET ME HAVE THE BABY/

THAT YOUR WIFE WILL BEAR,

INT. BAKER’S COTTAGE - DAY - PRESENT

WITCH:

AND WE’LL CALL IT SQUARE.”

BAKER:

I had a brother?

WITCH:

No. But you had a sister.

BAKER:

Where is she?

WITCH:

She’s mine now and you’ll never find

her! Small price to pay for what else

your father stole from me. It cost me

my youth, my beauty. My mother warned

me she would punish me with the curse

of ugliness if I ever lost them.

WIFE:

Lost what?

WITCH:

(impatient)

The beans!

BAKER/WIFE

Beans?

WITCH:

THE SPECIAL BEANS!

EXT. WITCH’S GARDEN - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

The BAKER’S FATHER steals the WITCH’S beans and pockets them.

WITCH (V.O.)

I LET HIM GO,/ I DIDN’T KNOW/ HE’D

STOLEN MY BEANS!

WITCH’S POV - the BAKER’S FATHER scales his way back over the

garden wall.

WITCH (V.O.)

I WAS WATCHING HIM CRAWL/ BACK OVER

THE WALL,/ WHEN BANG! CRASH!/ THE

LIGHTNING FLASH!/

Lights suddenly illuminate the BAKER’S FATHER as if it was a

flash from the Hiroshima blast. A look of horror crosses his

face.

BAKER’S FATHER’S POV

Light illuminates the WITCH as she walks back towards her

house. Suddenly her youthful hands morph before our eyes into

those of an aged hag. The CAMERA PANS UP to find her withered

face.

INT. BAKER’S COTTAGE - DAY - PRESENT

A LIGHTNING FLASH rips through the Baker’s cottage.

WITCH:

WELL, THAT’S ANOTHER STORY--/ NEVER

MIND./ ANYWAY, AT LAST/ THE BIG DAY

CAME/ AND I MADE MY CLAIM./ ”OH, DON’T

TAKE AWAY THE BABY,”/ THEY SHRIEKED

AND SCREECHED,/

INT. BAKER’S COTTAGE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

We see the WITCH’S gross hands snatch the baby from a cradle.

WITCH (V.O.)

BUT I DID, AND I HID HER/ WHERE SHE’LL

NEVER BE REACHED.

INT. BAKER’S COTTAGE - DAY - PRESENT

WITCH:

AND YOUR FATHER CRIED/ AND YOUR MOTHER

DIED,/ WHEN FOR EXTRA MEASURE--/ I

ADMIT IT WAS A PLEASURE--/ I SAID,

“SORRY, I’M STILL NOT MOLLIFIED.”/ AND

I LAID A LITTLE SPELL ON THEM--/ YOU

TOO, SON--/ THAT YOUR FAMILY TREE/

WOULD ALWAYS BE/ A BARREN ONE...

The WIFE falls into the BAKER’S arms, weeping.

BAKER:

How could you do that to me?

WITCH:

And when your mother died, your father

deserted you. Your father was no

father -- so why should you be?

BAKER:

(to his WIFE)

I’m so sorry...

WITCH:

NOW THERE’S NO MORE FUSS/ AND THERE’S

NO MORE SCENES/ AND MY GARDEN THRIVES

/ YOU SHOULD SEE MY NECTARINES!/ BUT

I’M TELLING YOU THE SAME/ I TELL KINGS

AND QUEENS:

The WITCH grabs some magical looking beans from a SMALL

SATCHEL she carries across her body. She displays them.

WITCH (CONT’D)

DON’T EVER NEVER EVER/ MESS AROUND

WITH MY GREENS!/ ESPECIALLY THE BEANS.

EXT. JACK’S FARMHOUSE - DAY

JACK with his cow stands outside with his MOTHER.

JACK:

Why do I have to go to the next

village?

JACK’S MOTHER

Because everyone in this village knows

the cow hasn’t given a drop of milk in

weeks.

JACK:

But that’s cheating.

JACK’S MOTHER

We’re starving, Jack. Don’t you

understand that? You’re not to take

less than five pounds for her. Are you

listening to me?

JACK:

(he’s not)

Yes.

JACK’S MOTHER

How much are you to ask?

JACK:

No more than five pounds.

She grabs his ear and squeezes it hard.

JACK’S MOTHER JACK

Less! Than five. ... than five!

She lets go and puts the COW’S leash in his hand and pushes

him down the road towards the woods.

JACK’S MOTHER

INTO THE WOODS, THE TIME IS NOW./ WE

HAVE TO LIVE, I DON’T CARE HOW./ INTO

THE WOODS TO SELL THE COW,/ YOU MUST

BEGIN THE JOURNEY./ STRAIGHT THROUGH

THE WOODS AND DON’T DELAY,/ WE HAVE TO

FACE/ THE MARKETPLACE./ INTO THE WOODS

TO JOURNEY’S END-

JACK:

(stops; sadly)

INTO THE WOODS TO SELL A FRIEND-

INT. BAKER’S COTTAGE - DAY - CONTINUOUS

The WITCH, the BAKER, the BAKER’S WIFE.

WITCH:

YOU WISH TO HAVE THE CURSE REVERSED?

The BAKER and his WIFE nod.

WITCH (CONT’D)

I’LL NEED A CERTAIN POTION FIRST.

The WITCH intently turns on them.

WITCH (CONT’D)

GO TO THE WOOD AND BRING ME BACK/ ONE:

THE COW AS WHITE AS MILK,/ TWO: THE

CAPE AS RED AS BLOOD,/ THREE: THE HAIR

AS YELLOW AS CORN,/ FOUR: THE SLIPPER

AS PURE AS GOLD./ BRING ME THESE

BEFORE THE CHIME/ OF MIDNIGHT IN THREE

DAYS’ TIME,/ ‘TIS THEN THE BLUE MOON

REAPPEARS,/ WHICH COMES BUT ONCE EACH

HUNDRED YEARS./ BRING THEM AND I

GUARANTEE,/ A CHILD AS PERFECT AS

CHILD CAN BE.

(she explodes)

Go to the wood!

The WITCH flings her arms and a hundred-mile wind throws the

couple and all of their belongings across the room as she

disappears in a cloud of smoke -- or is it flour?

EXT. CINDERELLA’S HOUSE - ENTRY COURTYARD - DAY

An open-air carriage and horses wait in the courtyard. The

STEPMOTHER, dressed to the nines, sweeps out of the house and

impatiently calls over her shoulder.

STEPMOTHER:

Ladies. Our carriage awaits!

CINDERELLA darts out of the house holding out the bowl of

lentils to her STEPMOTHER.

CINDERELLA:

NOW MAY I GO TO THE FESTIVAL?

STEPMOTHER:

The Festival! DARLING, THOSE NAILS!/

DARLING, THOSE CLOTHES!/ LENTILS ARE

ONE THING, BUT/ DARLING, WITH THOSE,/

YOU’D MAKE US THE FOOLS OF THE

FESTIVAL/ AND MORTIFY THE PRINCE!

CINDERELLA:

The festival lasts three nights.

Surely you can let me be there for one

of them.

STEPMOTHER:

The King is trying to find his son a

wife -- not a scullery maid! We must

be gone!

As the STEPMOTHER climbs into the carriage, the STEPSISTERS

race by in their fancy attire, whooshing past CINDERELLA

excitedly.

As CINDERELLA watches from the doorway, the carriage leaves

through the gate.

CINDERELLA:

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