Intolerable Cruelty Page #4

sniffin' at sheets.

Goddamn it,

I'm Gus Petch!

Couldn't you

be disbarred for that?

No, I don't think so.

Maybe if I'd had the patty melt.

You had a guy break into her house

and photograph her address book.

No, Wrigley, I happened

to let a man know...

that I was interested in her address book...

that's not criminal.

I also happened to let him know that I was

taking her out to dinner.

That's not a crime either.

No, I don't see myself

as culpable in any sense.

You, on the other hand,

could be disbarred...

for developing and examining these photos

of her address book,

but that doesn't

really concern me.

Right.

Who are you looking for?

Tenzing Norgay.

Tenzing Norgay.

That's someone she slept with.

I doubt it. Tenzing Norgay was the Sherpa that

helped Edmund Hillary climb Mt. Everest.

And Marylin knows him.

No, you idiot. Not the Tenzing Norgay.

Her Tenzing Norgay.

I'm not sure

that I actually follow that.

Few great accomplishments are achieved

single-handedly, Wrigley.

Most have their Norgays.

Marylin Rexroth is even now

climbing her Everest.

I wanna find her Norgay.

But how do you determine

which of the people on here are...

How do you spot a Norgay?

Yeah.

You start with the people

with the funny names.

Oyez, oyez. Family Court of the Fifth District

of Los Angeles County now in session.

The Honorable Marva Munson presiding.

All rise.

Have you sat before her before?

No. No, the judge sits first.

Then we sit.

Well, have you sat

after her before?

Sat after her before?

You mean, have we argued before her before?

The judge sits in judgment.

The counsel argues before the judge.

So, have you argued

before her before?

Before her before, or before she sat before?

Before her before.

I said, before her before.

No, you said before she sat before.

I did at first, but...

Look, don't argue.

I'm not. I'm... No, you don't argue.

We argue.

Counsel argues.

You appear.

Thejudge sits.

Then you sit.

- Or you stand in contempt.

- And then we argue.

The counsel argues.

Which you've done before.

Which we've done before.

Ah.

But not before her.

Rex. Sit.

There it is! I got it!

I'm gon' nail yo' ass!

Enough, I say!

I'm gon' nail yo' ass! Yeah!

Yeah, I'm gon' nail yo' ass!

A silly misunderstanding...

Get that thing off me!

Yeah, I'm gon' nail yo' ass!

I'm gon' nail yo' ass!

I'm gon' nail your ass.!

Devastated.

Simply devastated.

Thank you, Mrs. Rexroth.

Mr. Massey, any questions?

"Dismiss your vows,

"your feigned tears, your flattery,

for where a heart is hard

they make no battery."

Mrs. Rexroth, do you know those lines?

Objection, Your Honor.

- Grounds?

- Uh, poetry recitation.

Let me rephrase.

Mrs. Rexroth...

how high is that wall

around your heart?

Your Honor, this is harassment,

and, frankly, it's still

a little, uh, arty-farty.

- Rephrase. Mrs. Rexroth, have you ever been in love?

- Yes.

Of course.

With Rex.

And you've always loved him?

"Whoever loved

that loved not at first sight?"

So...

So it's your sworn testimony

that you have loved Rex Rexroth...

since first you met?

Yes.

Thank you.

No further questions,

Your Honor.

Who's next, Mr. Bender?

- We rest, Your Honor.

- Mr. Massey.

Your Honor, I call Heinz,

the Baron Krauss von Espy.

Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.

Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.

Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.!

Problem?

Puffy.

Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.!

Tenzing Norgay.

Mr. Krauss, do you solemnly swear that...

Krauss von Espy.

Mr. Krauss von Espy,

do you solemnly...

Baron Krauss von Espy.

solemnly swear that the testimony you are about to give shall

be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,

so help you God?

- Mais bien sr.

- No maybes.

Mais bien sr.

But of course, yes.

The baron does not lie.

Have a seat, sir.

Did you sleep with him?

Don't be a fool.

Shush, Elsbieta.

Shush-shush-shush-shush.

Baron von Espy,

what is your profession?

Silly man. I am a baron.

Yes, but do you not

also hold a day job?

Paying job.

A, uh, a square job.

Well, one has to live.

I am the concierge

of Les Pantalons Rouges...

at Bad-Gadesbourg

in the canton of Uri.

And what does that job entail?

I satisfy such requests

as the clientele may present.

Towels, ice, etcetera?

We have bellmen for that.

No, no, no.

Such requests that, were you at home,

you would address not to your valet...

but to your majordomo.

Shush, poochy-chow.

I see. Baron, do you

recognize that woman?

Ah, cher Marylin.

But of course.

Look who is here. Hi!

And she was a guest

of the Red... Trousers?

Oh, many times,

for relaxing and making

Alpine recreation.

Mm-hmm. I am curious about

her visit of five years ago.

January 1998.

Can you remember any specific request

she made at that time?

- Yes, I can.

- At what, at that time, did she tell you she required?

She said that she required...

a husband!

Do you want some bones? Huh?

Does Elsbieta want some bones?

Has anyone any bones?

Does anyone have any bones?

B... Uh, bones? Dog candies?

No, they are not candies. Milk-Bones.

Hard, crunchy bones for the teeth.

Uh, hard, uh...

We'll attend to the dog later.

Now, Baron...

Where were we?

"She said that

she required a husband.

"Oh, do you want some bones?

"Does Elsbieta want some bones?

Has anyone any bones?

Hard, crunchy bones for the..."

Right.

Now, a husband.

That's an unusual request.

Did she specify what kind

of a husband she was looking for?

Stop him.

Objection.

- Grounds?

- Uh... hearsay.

It's not secondhand, Your Honor.

This is direct testimony about the baron's own conversation.

- I'm going to allow it.

- Yeah.

She said she wanted

a very rich husband.

She wanted to know the businesses and the wealths-s...

the wealths-s-s...

Can I say this?

Wealths of our various eligible guests.

And did she have

any other specifications?

- Objection, Your Honor. Inflammatory.

- What's good for the gander, Your Honor.

- Is this a legal argument..."What's good for the gander?"

- You got to play your tape, Freddy.

Mr. Massey has a point there.

I'm going to allow it.

Were there any other

specifications?

She "specificated" a silly man.

Objection, Your Honor.!

I'm going to allow it.

She 'specificated' a man who,

though clever at making money,

would be easily duped

and controlled.

Objection, Your Honor.

Shut up, Freddy. She's allowing it.

She 'specificated'a man

with a wandering pee-pee.

How you say? Aphilanderer whose affairs

would be transparent to the world.

Objection, Your Honor!

Finally, a man whom

she could herself brazenly cuckold...

until such time

as she might choose to, uh...

We would say, "faire un coup

de marteau sur des fesses."

You would say,

"make hammer on his fanny."

- Your Honor, Objection! I-Irrelevant!

- I'm going to allow it!

Tell us, Baron...

Did you introduce her to such a man?

Sir, I am the concierge!

And to whom did you introduce

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