Intolerable Cruelty Page #3

It's a challenge.

Why don't you come out to Malibu

and see my new beach house tomorrow.

I didn't know Dmitri

had a beach house.

Neither did I until my lawyer found it.

Quite a paper trail.

He had it in the dog's name.

Oh.

Well, tomorrow won't work.

I'm having a body wrap.

How's Wednesday?

Hair appointment in the morning.

Afternoon? Shrink.

How's your Thursday?

I'm having facial injections.

That kills Friday and Saturday.

- Botox?

- Butt fat.

Does that really work?

You tell me.

Hello, darlings.

Mwah!

Mwah!

So, you and Rex are...

Well, as my private investigator put it,

we're gonna nail his ass.

I've been trying to nail George's

ass for years, but he is so careful.

Oh.! Oh.!

Are you all right, Claire?

Down the wrong pipe.

- So, who's your lawyer?

- Freddy Bender.

I have an appointment this afternoon

with Rex and his schnauzer.

So, who's Rex's guy?

Miles Massey.

Miles Massey?

Of Massey, Myerson?

Do you know him?

By reputation.

And, Marylin, he's no schnauzer.

He got Phyllis Rumsey that cute

little island of George's.

George was so impressed, he hired him

when he divorced his second.

- Muriel Rumsey.

- Who's she?

Now?

Night manager at McDonald's.

But, Marylin,

do we have a man for you.

Thorstenson Gieselensen.

He just separated from his third.

He's in fish.

He is fish.

Well, he's tuna.

Ladies, I'm not seeing anyone

until I've finished nailing Rex's ass.

But, Marylin,

this man is tuna.

Sarah, one husband at a time.

I'll do the talking.

I know you'll be tempted to chime in, but remember

that you're in an emotionally vulnerable state.

I'm the professional.

Oh.

Okay.

Freddy.

Freddy Bender,

this is Rex Rexroth.

And you are

the lovely Marylin.

Please, Ms. Rexroth.

And you must be Mr. Massey.

Please, Miles. Sit.

Sit down.

Freddy, I was sorry to hear

about the Goldberger award.

Pastry?

We did very well.

Not to worry, Mrs. Rexroth.

You're ably represented.

I'm sure Freddy's just too modest to tell you

he used to clerk for Clarence Thomas.

Pastry?

Going begging.

Don't try to bait me, Miles.

If you have a proposal to make,

let's hear it.

Well, at this point my client is still

prepared to consider reconciliation.

My client's ruled that out.

My client is prepared to entertain an amicable

dissolution to the marriage without prejudice.

That's a fart in a stiff wind.

My client proposes

a 30-day cooling-off period.

My client feels

sufficiently dispassionate.

My client asks that you not initiate proceedings

pending his setting certain affairs in order.

What's so goddamn funny?

Please, let me handle this.

All right, so much for the

ice-breakers. What are you after, Freddy?

My client is prepared to settle

for 50 percent of the marital assets.

Why only 50, Freddy?

Why not a hundred?

While we're dreaming,

why not 150?

- Are you familiar with Kershner?

- Kershner does not apply.

Bring this to trial,

we'll see if Kershner applies.

What's Kershner?

Please, let me handle this.

- Kershner was in Kentucky.

- Kershner was in Kentucky?

- Kershner was in Kentucky.

- All right, Freddy, forget Kershner. What's your bottom line?

Primary residence,

What, are you nuts?

Have you forgotten Kershner?

Freddy, it's a negotiation.

See you at the preliminary.

Freddy, we're all friends here.

It's a negotiation. Hey, uh...

Freddy!

Fine. We'll eat the pastry.

I thought that went well.

# Don't cry out loud #

Oh, yeah.

Gus, you outdid yourself.

Mm-hmm.

Hear, hear.

Mm-hmm, that's cool.

Very cool.

Let's go back

to the football game.!

Oh, kiss my ass, now. It's halftime, man.

This is some good sh*t.

I'm'bout to nail his ass

right here.

Gussy, go back to the Rabinowitz tape again.

Hold on, now. Here come the good part.

She 'bout to take off her panties.

Oh, yeah. Come on, come on, come on.

Gus?

Mm-hmm... Yeah?

It's Miles Massey.

Uh, take a number.

It's about a job tonight.!

Goddamn it.

Aah! Aah! Did you see that?

Oh, come on, man!

Here we are.

Ms. Rexroth, I am so delighted

you decided to come.

Well, I must admit

I was curious.

Something to start?

Some wine, perhaps?

Red?

French?

Bordeaux?

Chateau Margaux?

'57?

'59.

'54.

Mmm, Mr. Massey.

Good, sir.

Your husband had told me you were the most

beautiful woman that he'd ever met.

I didn't expect the most beautiful woman

I'd ever met.

"Dismiss your vows,

your feigned tears, your flattery,

for where a heart is hard

they make no battery."

"Whoever loved that loved

not at first sight?"

Now, you didn't ask me here

to pick me up.

You could be disbarred for that.

Maybe I'm reckless.

What was your performance about this afternoon?

What did your lawyer say?

Oh, Freddy thinks you're a buffoon.

He says

you've been too successful,

you're bored, complacent,

and you're on your way down.

But you don't think so.

How do you know?

Why would you be here?

Why did you ask me?

Can't I be curious?

About what?

Do you ever answer questions?

Do you?

I'll have the tournedoes of beef.

The lady will have the same. Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

I assume you're a carnivore.

Oh, Mr. Massey, you have no idea.

Miles, please.

Tell me more about yourself.

All right, Miles.

Let me tell you

everything that you need to know.

You may think you're tough,

but I eat men like you for breakfast.

I've invested five good years

in my marriage to Rex,

and I've nailed his ass

fair and square.

Now I'm going to have it

stuffed, mounted...

and have my lady friends come over

and throw darts at it.

Man-hater, huh?

People don't go on safaris

'cause they hate animals.

So it's just for the hunt,

with the trophy at the end.

No. Nothing so frivolous.

This divorce means money.

Money means independence.

That's what I'm after.

What are you after, Miles?

Well, I'm a lot like you.

Just looking for

an ass to mount.

Well, don't look at mine.

Yeah.

Oy vey.

I got ya. See this?

Yeah?

Uh, I'll just have

a, um, salad, please.

Um, baby field greens.

What did you call me?

Uh, no, I-I...

I- I didn't call you anything.

You want a salad?

Yeah. Do you... Do you have a, uh, green salad?

What the f*** color

would it be?

Why are we eating here?

What's his problem?

Just bring him an iceberg lettuce and a mealy

tomato wedge smothered with French dressing.

- And for you?

- Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham.

- Slaw cup?

- What the hell.

Hello, Marge.

How are you, Gus?

I'm all right.

Okay, now, I Minoxed

her address book.

Don't call me anymore

for this penny-ante sh*t.

I shoot action.

Me and the Ikegami, Jack.

Thank you, Gus.

And those rottweilers

were a menace, man.

I told you she had dogs.

Yeah. You ain't tell me

they had a hard-on for anus Africanus.

Gus, did you see any evidence,

any telltale signs...

of indiscretion on the

part of Mrs. Rexroth?

What are you talkin"bout,

"telltale signs"?

Look, I see an ass, I nail it.

I don't sneak around

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