Intolerable Cruelty Page #6

Excuse me, Mr. Doyle.

Could I just borrow your charming

fiance for a moment?

Well, okay.

You gon' leave a deposit?

What are you up to?

Something

you won't understand, Miles.

Howard and I are very much in love.

I don't know what you're thinking, but I have to warn you,

the Massey prenup has never been penetrated.

You sign the prenup,

you can't get his money.

Thanks for the professional help.

Marylin, think of me for a moment...

not as an attorney but as a friend.

Does that mean you won't be

charging us for the hour?

Dump him.

You can't nail his ass.

Is that all?

No, that's not all.

I could have you disbarred for that.

It was worth it.

A romantic divorce attorney.

You fascinate me.

I'll get right on it.

I'll whip something up.

All right. Thank you.

How's Lionel?

He's fine.

He asked me to deliver the keynote address

at this year's convention in Vegas.

That's quite an honor.

I suppose.

On top of a great victory.

What was that?

'What was that'?

Um, Rex Rexroth?

He kept everything? You win? No compromise?

Isn't that what you wanted?

Oh, good God, Miles.

What are you looking for?

I don't know.

Okay, I won.

What then?

How many cases

has Herb Myerson won?

The old man?

More than anybody. He's a legend. And look at him.

He's 87 years old, he's the first one

into the office in the morning.

- No home life.

- Who needs a home when you have a colostomy bag?

She can't really love this dope,

can she?

Who? Uh, who loves who?

Marylin Rexroth.

She signed a prenup

for an oil millionaire.

A... Massey... prenup?

Yeah.

Well, then she is not

after his money.

Only love is in mind

if the Massey is signed.

# April #

# Come she will #

# When streams are ripe

and swelled with rain #

# Nay, she will stay #

# A-resting in my arms again #

What the hell's wrong with you?

# April #

# Come she will # #

Thank you for coming

to this celebration...

of the love between our two friends,

Marylin and Howard.

In today's cynical world,

it's so hard to take

that great leap of faith...

aboard the ship of love and caring.

But today Marylin and Howard

are taking that leap...

and telling us, their friends,

that they do believe,

that they do have faith,

that they do love.

Do you, Howard Drexler Doyle,

take Marylin to be your shipmate

on this journey through life,

through gale and doldrum,

seas choppy, wild and calm?

Yes, I do, Father Scott.

And do you, Marylin Rexroth, take Howard

to be your shipmate and companion...

to ports of every clime,

be it in first class or steerage?

I do.

Then, by the power vested in me

by the State of California,

and as captain of the

good shipAmore Veritas,

I now pronounce you man and wife.

What do you think?

- What are they, ladles?

- Berry spoons.

Spoons?

Berry spoons.

Everybody has spoons.

And nobody needs berry spoons.

Everybody eats berries.

Who are you, Pollyanna?

Hey, everybody! Folks! Hey, y'all!

Where'd you see'em at?

A Martha Stewart catalog right next to the silver napkin rings?

I need your attention for a minute.

Stadium seat ass-warmers?

Dear God, Wrigley, how many cockamamie personal

possessions do we have to amass...

Why so angry?

Now, I know it's not common practice for the groom

to give his bride a gift on their weddin' day,

but ever since

I met Marylin there...

I can't seem to quit

givin' her things.

And I don't wanna stop 'cause it feels so durn good!

Chow Sing, bring that barbecue sauce

over here, little buddy.

There you go.

Put that thing on my neck now.

Now, honey,

it's like the padre said.

I want love and trust between us.

Love and trust and

not a thing else.

And this here deed

that I'm fixin' to perform...

Well, honey, let me just, uh...

You see this?

This is for you, darlin.

This here is for you.

This here is for you, baby.

Ever'last little speck of it.

I love you.

I mean, I love you

like a son of a b*tch!

I trust you.!

This here is for you, baby.

Brilliant!

Baby, this is for you.

What is it?

I really love you.

It's the prenup.

I love her!

I trust her.!

Ladies and gentlemen,

It's the prenup!

I trust her.!

Brilliant!

You look beautiful.

Ladies,

if you'll excuse us.

We have to talk.

I would like to offer

my congratulations.

It was a beautiful gesture

of Howard's.

Well, Howard

is a beautiful person.

A diamond in the rough.

And I have a feeling that

someday soon...

you'll be taking that diamond

and leaving the rough.

In a month or so, once I've established that

I've tried to make the marriage work.

May I offer my services?

Oh, thanks.

But no.

No, I'm retaining Freddy Bender.

Poor Freddy. He was awfully blue

after my last divorce.

Well, I admire your loyalty.

To lawyers, anyway.

I guess without the prenup

it's something even Freddy could manage.

But how did you

get Howard to do it?

It felt like it was his idea.

Surely, Mr. Massey,

you've addressed enough juries...

to appreciate

the power of suggestion.

Mmm.

# Wish I was a Kellogg's Corn Flake #

Look, now that the marriage is winding down,

have dinner with me.

No.

No, nothing doing until

the ink is dry on the settlement.

Oh, this'll be no settlement.

If I know Marylin Rexroth, this'll be

nothing short of a complete and total...

annihilation.

You're gonna win.

Excuse me?

I can always tell, going to Vegas,

who's gonna win.

Well, thanks,

but I'm going on business.

I always win.

# Yeah #

# Yeah #

You know why I hate this town,

Wrigley?

You see, people get to Las Vegas, and all of a sudden,

the rules of the moral universe don't apply.

When God is dead,

all things are possible.

I saw an ad in the paper:

"No-fault divorce...

two-week divorce without a lawyer."

Made me sick to my stomach.

"No-fault divorce."

Good God.

Talk about your oxymoron.

What's the world comin' to?

One man can only do so much.

One man... What

are you talkin' about?

- Freddy.

- I had lunch with Freddy Bender yesterday.

He tells me that Marylin Rexroth-Doyle

is now richer than Croesus.

Ah, yes, but is she richer

than Mrs. Croesus?

She could buy and sell you 10 times over.

She...

- My God, is that her?

- Mmm.

Freddy said she was flying in with him.

Celebrating, I guess.

I'm fascinated by that creature.

Richer than me, huh?

Well, she deserves every penny.

And now she's single again.

Excuse me.

No. You should stay away

from her, Miles.

Recite your keynote address.

Take a cold shower.

You're looking well, Marylin.

Hello, Miles.

Obscene wealth becomes you.

I should've known you'd be here.

Be here?

I'm the keynote speaker.

Oh, how nice for you.

"Nailing Your Spouse's Assets."

Excuse me?

My speech.

Oh!

Oh, I'm sure you'll

bring the house down.

It's an easy crowd.

At this point, I would think you're probably the

only person that I can't teach anything to.

Really?

Mmm.

Now, correct me,

but since by now the ink must be dry,

I believe

I have the right to collect.

On? You promised to have dinner

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes