Inventing the Abbotts Page #3

INVENTING THE ABBOTTS - Rev. 2/16/96 12.

A19 CONTINUED:
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VICTOR:

You're full of sh*t.

DOUG:

Look it up, it's all in theencyclopedia.

VICTOR:

They don't got farts in theencyclopedia.

DOUG:

Hey, they got 'vagina' in thedictionary, they got farts in theencyclopedia.

The ROAR of a PASSING SPEEDBOAT attracts Doug's interest.

VICTOR:

(incredulous)

Vagina is in the dictionary?

DOUG:

'A canal leading from the uterusto the vulva'.

VICTOR:

You sure read a lot, man.

(slight beat)

A canal?

B19 EXT. BOATHOUSE DOCK (LAKE) - CONTINUOUS ACTION - DAY B19

Doug steps out of the boathouse onto the sagging dock andsees a fast speedboat cutting across the lake towing amale water skier. (Another young man is driving the boatwith two young women in bathing suits as passengers.)

Victor comes out as the speedboat's wake rocks the olddock.

A**holes!

VICTOR:

DOUG:

It's Jacey -- that's him skiing.

He must've skipped out on work.

19 EXT. LAKE - ANGLE ON SPEEDBOAT 19

-- with Jacey skiing behind it. STEVE is at the helm.

Eleanor and SANDY lounge in their bathing suits.

(CONTINUED)

13.

19 CONTINUED:
19

As they pass a ski ramp Steve points to it. Jacey giveshim a thumb's up gesture and Steve circles the boataround for the approach.

No way!

SANDY:

He's never done the ramp.

STEVE:

He wants to do it.

Steve lines up the approach and pushes the throttle open.

Jacey swings out on the end of the tow-rope and pops overthe wake.

Eleanor leans over to Steve.

ELEANOR:

You know you're going too fast?

STEVE:

(grins)

Yeah, I know.

The boat zips by the ramp and Jacey's skis contact theslippery surface and his skis go out from under him. He

takes a hard bounce, loses hold of the tow-rope, and goestumbling over the apex of the ramp into the water.

20 INT. HOLT HOME - BATHROOM - THAT NIGHT 20

Jacey is soaking in the bathtub.

knocking.

Doug enters without

Time to eat.

DOUG:

Doug washes his hands. Jacey climbs out of the tub andfetches a towel. And Doug reacts to...

Jesus Christ!

DOUG:

Jacey's back and buttocks are severely bruised. Jaceywraps the towel around his waist and turns to hisbrother.

JACEY:

Don't tell Mom.

Oh, sh*t...

DOUG:

(CONTINUED)

14.

20 CONTINUED:
20

JACEY:

(cutting him off)

Just don't tell Mom. All right?

DOUG:

Yeah, okay, all right.

Jacey walks out of the bathroom.

21 EXT. TEXACO STATION (DOWNTOWN HALEY) - DAY (SUMMER 1957) 21

Lloyd Abbott's 1957 Cadillac pulls up to the pumps.

Lloyd is behind the wheel, Joan sits next to him, Eleanorand Pamela are in the back seat. The DING-DING of the

BELL HOSE summons...

22 INT. TEXACO STATION - JACEY 22

-- sticks the mop he's been using into a pail and goes toanswer the bell. He hesitates as he sees the Abbotts and

lets another attendant wait on them. He retreats into

the garage and resumes mopping the floor.

Hi.

ELEANOR (O.S.)

Jacey finds Eleanor standing in the garage doorway.

ELEANOR:

Congratulations.

For what?

JACEY:

ELEANOR:

I heard you got accepted to Penn.

Oh. Yeah.

JACEY:

Thanks.

ELEANOR:

How'd you swing an Ivy Leagueschool like that?

JACEY:

My grandfather went there.

the grades, so...

I had

ELEANOR:

It stinks in here.

JACEY:

I dropped something.

(CONTINUED)

15.

22 CONTINUED:
22

Yeah, me.

ELEANOR:

JACEY:

I just thought you and Steve...

ELEANOR:

Well, that's what you thought. I

think Steve is... I don't even

know what I think about Steve, I

never think about him. I just dothings. And let other peoplefigure them out. That's what

parents are for. They're realgood at doing all the thinking.

Why should I?

(slight beat)

Alice is going to have a baby.

She and Kilroy didn't waste anytime. He's already talking abouthaving another, and Alice is upchucking

every hour on the hour.

She's got morning-noon-and-nightsickness. I've got the feelingshe'll be barefoot and puking for

years to come. Wallpaper patterns-- that's all she talks about.

She and my mother spend hourslooking at wallpaper patternbooks. That's another thing Inever think about... wallpaper.

(another beat)

Well, I think this is called the

silent treatment. I get enough ofthat from my father, I don't needit from you. Good luck at Penn.

She starts to walk away, but Jacey pulls her back andkisses her fiercely -- Eleanor responds with equal heat.

They don't see Pamela enter the garage. Pam studies them

for an imperturbable beat, then:

PAMELA:

Come on, Eleanor -- Dad's waiting.

23 EXT. TEXACO STATION - DAY (MOMENTS LATER) 23

The Abbotts drive away. Jacey stands in the garage inthe b.g. He watches the Cadillac disappear into traffic.

INVENTING THE ABBOTTS - Rev. 3/20/96 16.

24 EXT. DOWNTOWN HALEY - INSIDE CADILLAC 24

-- with Lloyd behind the wheel, Joan in the frontpassenger seat, and Eleanor and Pam in the back seat.

Lloyd says to Eleanor:

LLOYD:

Stay away from him.

ELEANOR:

Who?

LLOYD:

Jacey.

ELEANOR:

Why?

LLOYD:

Because I said so.

25 OMITTED 25

26 EXT. IRON SKILLET RESTAURANT - DAY (TWO WEEKS LATER) 26

A family-style restaurant in the center of town. It's

a sweltering, hot July day. Heat shimmers off the

sidewalk.

27 INT. IRON SKILLET RESTAURANT - DAY 27

The decor is mock-Colonial. Victor and Doug (in theirbus boy uniforms) are stocking a waitress station withsilverware, coffee cups, and water glasses.

VICTOR:

We should have a party out at the

boathouse, man. That's what we

should do.

DOUG:

Sure.

VICTOR:

You know, invite some girls.

DOUG:

Right.

VICTOR:

Get some beer, go swimming. Look

up a few words in the dictionary.

(CONTINUED)

INVENTING THE ABBOTTS - Rev. 3/20/96 17.

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DOUG:

Yeah, like 'boring' or 'eunuch.'

VICTOR:

Eunuch? What's that?

DOUG:

It's Latin for bus boy.

WEBB CROSBY, the proprietor of the restaurant, steps

over.

WEBB:

Business is a little light today,

too damn hot. Which one of you

knuckle-heads wants to get off

early?

DOUG & VICTOR

(in unison)

Me... I do.

WEBB:

(takes out a coin)

Call it in the air...

28 EXT. IRON SKILLET RESTAURANT - DAY (MINUTES LATER) 28

Doug bicycles away (he won the coin toss).

29 INT. HOLT HOME - KITCHEN - DAY (SHORT TIME LATER) 29

Doug sails through the back door. He gets a bowl out ofthe cupboard and fetches the ice cream scoop from adrawer.

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