Irma La Douce Page #7

He's tired all the time,

not interested in me at all.

I'm sure there must be some explanation.

I'm beginning to think

he's got another girl.

That's ridiculous! Why would

anybody with a... girl like you...

Somebody ought to give

that young man a good talking to.

- Would you like to meet him?

- Meet him?

He's waiting for me across the street.

I really ought to be getting to the airport.

Oh, it'll only take a minute.

Come on. We'll buy you a drink.

Thank you, but no thank you.

I mean, while I'm getting my divorce...

...we really shouldn't be

seen with each other.

Yes. Yes, you must be careful. Maybe we

shouldn't even leave the hotel together.

Capital suggestion. Shall we

rendezvous again next Monday, hm?

Of course.

Oh, I don't feel right about this.

It's taking money under false pretences.

- After all, I don't do anything for you.

- Balderdash.

Why, if it weren't for this arrangement

of ours, I should go through the ceiling.

Of course, it must be very boring for you.

Not at all. I enjoy it.

Oh.

You've made me a very happy man.

Half-man, I should say.

Well, ta-ta...

...toodle-oo, and tally-ho.

Up. Get up, you lush.

Look at those circles under your eyes.

Carry on like this, and we'll

have to have your face lifted.

Say, you're the Englishman

that's seeing Irma.

- I don't believe we've been introduced.

- I'm Hippolyte the Ox.

What is on your mind, Mr Ox?

I just thought if you were interested

in something new, more unusual...

- Twins, you know.

- What, and play three-handed solitaire?

No, thanks.

Order!

Come on, everybody! It's getting late!

- Let's take a vote.

- All right.

The motion on the floor is that every girl

contributes one day's earnings a week...

...toward our pension fund.

All those in favour?

- Aye!

- Aye!

Carried unanimously.

OK, girls, let's have it.

- I'm back, Nestor.

- Hi. Ooh, that was a rough meeting.

- Here you are.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

- What's that for?

- You just voted for it. The pension fund.

Huh?

Just part of my programme.

Now that I'm president, I'm gonna

get this organisation movin' ahead.

- How did it go with His Lordship?

- Fine. I'm beginning to like him a lot.

It's a good thing the bridge fell on him,

I might be jealous. Cognac.

Pernod for me. Nothing for her.

He's getting a divorce, so maybe now

he can see me more often.

More often? I doubt it.

Where would he get the money?

Well, he's got this big estate.

You know what the taxes are in England?

Why, some of those lords

have to scrounge around for a living.

If he saw me three times a week,

that's 1500 francs.

I could buy you a car.

A sports model. Kiki thinks she's such

a hotshot cos she got her guy a scooter.

Just wait till they see you drivin' up

and down the street with the top down.

- And I'll get you a little cap to go with it.

- What are you doing?

- He's trying to get the lipstick off.

- Lipstick?

- Where did that come from?

- Good question.

- It must have been you.

- That's it.

Me? I was in the hotel with His Lordship.

That's not it.

Oh, yes, I was at the board meeting,

we were takin' a vote...

...and one of the girls

was doin' a little lobbyin'.

- That must be it.

- Which girl was doing a little lobbying?

Come on, Tiger, how about it?

Hey, you dropped something.

Where?

There.

Oh, uh, now, please.

Look, girls, this is ridic...

Now, I'm the president here. Uh-oh.

Well, that's enough.

Let's shake hands and make up, hm?

Oh, why?

Girls!

Oh, no. You wouldn't...

Agh!

Good morning, Tiger. How about

some breakfast? Fresh croissants?

- I better get back before she wakes up.

- You look terrible.

- You must have lost 10 pounds.

- 15. I weighed myself on the meat scales.

What do you expect? Loading, unloading,

in the window, out the window...

...on with the beard, off with the beard.

You're going to fall apart.

I don't care, as long as

I keep her off the streets.

It's a hard way to earn an easy living.

Nestor?

You know, Irma, I'm a little bit

disappointed in you.

You promised me

you wouldn't smoke any more.

Aren't you gonna say anything?

I suppose you're wondering where I was?

- I know where you were.

- You do?

- You were out with the boys.

- Yeah, that's right.

- Don't lie to me!

- Well, where was I?

You were out with Lolita.

That's right.

Let me go to bed. I'm very tired.

- You've been with her every night.

- Oh, no, I haven't.

- No?

- No, not every night.

Sometimes I was with... Amazon Annie...

...and sometimes with Mimi the Maumau,

and sometimes with the twins...

...and... they all want me to handle 'em.

So I've decided to branch out, you know.

Business is business. And don't you

forget, around here, I'm numero uno.

You make me sick!

What are you gonna do about it?

This is what you came with. Now get out!

You're not throwin' me out,

cos you're crazy about me, aren't you?

- Let go!

- Gonna buy me a new car, remember?

- And a sports cap.

- Let go!

And when you buy me the sports cap,

I want it with a little strap in the back.

That's what you'll get from me. Let them

work for you and see how well you do!

You think you're numero uno?

I'm numero uno!

Go outside on the street

and ask the first man you see.

Ask anybody!

I'm sorry, it's...

Here we are in the 7 th inning,

two out, Maury Wills on first.

The ball game coming to you direct from

LA, over the American Forces Network.

Marichal on the rubber, into a stretch.

Here's the pitch and there he goes.

The throw down to second base

is not in time. He's stolen another one.

Hello.

Here you are. I was afraid

you mightn't show.

I didn't realise it was so late. I've been

walking the streets all day... thinking.

- There's something I'd like to discuss.

- By all means.

Not here.

I don't want Nestor to know.

Let's not take any chances, hm?

Shall we go up to your office?

Now then, my dear, what is it

that's so important, hm?

- Did you mean what you said?

- Indeed. What did I say?

About taking me to England with you.

Of course I meant it, if I said it.

And if you say so,

I must've said it, so I meant it.

I'm ready.

But you can't go. What about Nestor,

or whatever his name is?

Nestor, Hippolyte, it doesn't matter.

Sooner or later, they give you a bad time.

- The brutes.

- So, if you want me to go with you...

It's a bit of a sticky wicket.

If it's in any way awkward,

I don't want to embarrass you.

Not at all, my dear. I'd be delighted.

It's just that... there's this

ghastly servant problem right now.

The castle's overrun with plumbers,

the moat is leaking.

Besides, I'm a shattered man.

I'd be of no use to you.

Are you sure?

As a matter of fact,

I'm on my way to Zurich now.

I wasn't planning to go to England at all.

Going to consult

a Swiss doctor, a specialist.

But that's a waste of time.

They can't help you.

I once knew a specialist,

used to send his patients to me.

- To you?

- The tough cases.

Poor guys. Thought they'd run out of gas,

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