Irma La Douce Page #6

Served under Commander Whitehead.

And then there was the RAF and the BBC.

Ah! Dunkirk! Ha-ha!

But that's another story.

- Say, have you seen Irma around?

- No.

She went up at midnight

and hasn't come down yet.

- That's six hours.

- You should have seen the guy.

He was an old goat with a beard. I didn't

even think he'd make it up the stairs.

- Ah, by George, I've done it again.

- One more.

Oh, I'm afraid not.

Oh.

I'd better dash to the airport

if I'm not to miss my plane.

- It was rather fun, for a change.

- Oh, thank you.

There you are, my dear.

Oh!

- You're very generous.

- Oh, not really. Just filthy rich.

Um...

How often do you come to Paris?

Twice a week. Why?

Well, maybe we could do it again.

Smashing. I was about to suggest

we make some kind of arrangement.

I'd like that, and so would Nestor.

- Yeah... uh, who?

- The man I live with.

Oh.

He doesn't mind that you come up here

with strangers and pick up their marbles?

No. Why should he? Business is business.

- Sensible attitude.

- Only thing he objects to is my smoking.

I'm trying to quit, but it isn't easy.

Then you must really love him?

- Shall we go?

- Just a second. Where's my other shoe?

- Hm?

- My other shoe?

Oh, hm. Er...

I'm sorry, I really must catch my plane...

...or Lady X and that wretched

gardener will be running amok.

- See you Thursday, same place?

- I'll be waiting.

Cheeribye.

Whee!

This is our lucky night.

Wait till I tell Nestor.

All right, what did you do with my shoe?

Would you give this

to the young lady in room nine?

Somehow it wound up in my pocket.

Old goat.

- How did it go?

- You would have been proud of me.

What a performance!

Like Sir Laurence Oliver.

That's Laurence Olivier.

And watch your ascot.

My what?

Nestor!

Nestor! Nestor!

It happened! We hit the jackpot!

- Whee!

- What happened? What jackpot?

I found him, and he's got a castle

and he comes here twice a week.

- Who? Calm down.

- He's English and he's a lord.

I'm gonna see him again

on Thursday and he's filthy rich.

- Know how much he gave me?

- How would I know?

Come on, make a guess.

500 francs!

- Here.

- How about that?

500 francs? What'd ya have to do for it?

- Nothing.

- Oh, come on.

- He taught me a new game.

- What kind of game?

- He beat me nine times...

- That's more like it.

He used to play with his wife, but she's

got something goin' with the gardener.

It's 500 francs, all right.

Later.

Hey, Tiger, can we see ya for a minute?

Certainly. What's on your mind, boys?

Congratulations, you made it.

- I didn't do anything.

- Me and the boys have talked it over.

Since you're numero uno now,

we've elected you president.

- President? Of what?

- Local 27 of the MPPA.

- MPP?

- Macs of Paris Protective Association.

- Me?

- It was unanimous.

It's an honour. I'm sure you can

find somebody more deserving...

We accept! Oh, I'm so proud of you.

Champagne for everybody!

Hey! Free champagne!

Vive Nestor!

Vive! Vive! Vive!

Oh, I'm so happy. From now on

it's just going to be the three of us -

- you and me and the lord.

- Yeah.

Let's see. 500 francs each time, that's

1,000 francs a week, 52 weeks a year...

...so that would be...

- Darling, can I have 100 francs?

- Oh, sure.

- It's for a hair dryer.

- Here's another 100. Get curtains too.

- Why are you so good to me?

- I just believe in fair dealings...

...between labour and management.

Come on, Nestor. Le twist.

Hands off, Lolita. He doesn't

twist with anybody but me.

Get her. Mrs President.

Uh... let's dance.

- Want to pay for the champagne now?

- I didn't order it.

The president always pays when

he's inaugurated. 270 francs, please.

Nine bottles.

Eight for the gang, one for her.

- She had a whole bottle?

- How d'you think she got kidney stones?

Well, that went fast.

Now, what about my 500?

This isn't workin' out the way we figured.

The way you figured. I told you

it was economically unsound.

You'll just have to advance Lord X another

500, when he comes back on Thursday.

- Oh, no, not me.

- Well, how am I gonna pay Irma?

I guess you'll just have to mortgage your

castle, pick some pockets or rob a bank.

I knocked over a bank in Bordeaux -

my father's - but that's another...

Shut up.

Bit of a sticky wicket,

isn't it, Your Lordship?

Dis donc!

Irma?

Irma?

Come on.

Good morning, darling.

- Good morning.

- Did I wake you?

No.

Ooh.

Oh, it looks like a beautiful day.

I feel so spoiled and so lazy.

Do you realise I don't have

a thing to do until Thursday?

- What's Thursday?

- When Lord X comes again.

Oh. Oh!

You know what let's do? Let's rent

a tandem and ride out to the country.

- Trees and grass and fresh air.

- Not today.

Or we could go to the Bois

and row around the lake.

Maybe next week.

We don't have to do anything.

We could stay in bed all day.

I'd like that.

- Want your breakfast now or later?

- Much later.

I've got a surprise for you.

- Close your eyes.

- Thank you.

When I was at the department store,

buying the curtains, I saw this.

And you know how I feel

about green, so I tried it on.

There was a riot.

Three of the salesmen got trampled...

...so naturally I just had to have it.

Now, don't open your eyes yet.

I want you to see it against the light.

All right, you can look now.

Nestor?

Nestor.

- Nestor!

- Not today.

Maybe next week?

All right.

If that's the way you feel about it.

- My dear girl.

- I was afraid you wouldn't show up.

Almost didn't. Ran into dirty weather over

the Channel. Unusually foggy for July.

- What is it, my dear?

- You've changed somehow.

Have I? How?

That patch, shouldn't it be

on the other eye?

Oh.

Indeed. Well, no wonder it was so foggy.

- I've been practising. I'll be much better.

- Oh, let's get at it then, shall we?

Old goat.

How are things at home?

I mean, how's Lady X?

- Her usual self.

- How's the gardener?

Finally happened. Caught them

red-handed in the greenhouse.

I threw them out, pulled up the

drawbridge, started divorce proceedings.

- That's too bad.

- Catastrophe.

Best damn gardener I ever had.

Must be lonely for you at the castle.

Very. Especially at night,

just me and the family ghost...

...spooking around those 96 rooms.

- How many?

- Not to mention the 400 acres...

...and the croquet field,

and the trout hatchery.

And all the horses. I breed trotters

and pacers. Separate stables, you know.

I imagine there must be lots

of trees and grass and a brook.

And swans and peacocks and... unicorns.

It sounds like a wonderful place for

Coquette. I'd like to get her out of the city.

- She drinks, you know.

- Really?

I keep finding empty

bottles under the bed.

Well...

Love to invite you to the castle,

both of you...

...but I'm sure you wouldn't dream

of leaving your young man.

No, I guess not.

- Although sometimes I wonder.

- Is something troubling you?

Well, suddenly he seems so different.

I mean, so indifferent.

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